Ticking in the Overhead
by KareNeko
Summary: Complete! Separated from the rest of the group, Shuichi is forced to take the long flight to America alone. That terrifying flight becomes more than any of them bargained for. Rated for potentially disturbing content.ShuxEiri
1. Flight Risk

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gravitation

A/N: _Not a comedy this time...please bear with the first chapter and try to slog through, its a bit boring because airports and air travel are boring...until something goes wrong._

**Chapter One - Flight Risk**

_Why me_, thought Shuichi sadly, swinging his legs in the black plastic and chrome chair. Uncomfortable and rigidly attached to a dozen more like it in a row, the seat faced the tarmac and the empty spot where the SkyDash World Air jet had just been boarded. Boarded by everyone else in their group but Shuichi. The pink-haired singer's lips puffed out in an unhappy gust of air.

It really wasn't his fault. He had packed his things properly, removed his shoes, done everything correctly. Who knew that his gel insoles would trigger the security screeners to jerk him out of line and go through every last item on his personal person? That they would take exception to the undeclared lotion in his pocket (for emergencies, and who wants to advertise they're packing lube anywhere outside of the Playboy mansion?) and detain him, in spite of his star status…Narita Airports' staff was _so_ not impressed with his star status.

So now he was cleared, but on the "next available flight". Only slightly apologetic, they switched him to the next departure and now the long flight to America would be all alone, albeit in the slightly more comfortable first class section.

It was Yuki's stupid lube and stupid idea to take it anyway. Something about a mile high club. Even Shu, as naïve as he could be, knew that people couldn't get away with double occupancy in an airplane restroom anymore, not in the current atmosphere of heightened security. He only pocketed it because he knew it would be an issue if he disagreed with Yuki over taking it. He had really been hoping for some meaningful conversation on the flight, and if the stubborn blond was angry, there would be none of that.

At least he still had what Yuki sarcastically called his "short attention span pack", loaded with a DS and games and a classic old Jornada. He clutched it and stared out the wall of glass. It was virtually no comfort at all. He had really looked forward to spending the next hours leaning on Yuki's strong shoulder and enjoying some enforced peace between them. Really, they had been bickering less often but with more volume and venom. It made Shuichi feel nervous and insecure. It kind of felt like a downhill turn, and now this timely chance to talk everything over had slipped away.

Those thoughts left the doe-eyed singer even sadder and he mumbled Yuki's name to himself, biting the heel of his palm to keep from going all sniffly. His hand eventually moved to trace his own lips, remembering their kiss goodbye. It had been sweet and sexy in contrast to the situation, and fluttered his heart painfully with a reminder of just how deeply that man still stirred his emotions when he wanted to.

An African-American lady with glasses and an intricate hairdo settled herself two seats down from him, chatting on her cell. He welcomed the distraction and eavesdropped shamelessly on her bubbly, laughing end of the conversation.

"Don't tell me that! Don't tell! You'll ruin the surprise! Oh, I cannot wait to get home and see you. I am so sick of fish I could die. Fish and miso and white rice, it's like an infestation! Mercy!" Shuichi smiled, he was glad that his English was very good so he could listen in. Was the food really so awful here?

When the woman finished her conversation, she noticed he had been looking at her. She peered at him openly and raised an eyebrow.

"The food is bad, huh?" Shu asked.

His huge puppy eyes looked so sad and lonely that he seemed harmless enough to talk to, even though he was a strange looking stranger.

"Well it is not my customary fare, let me tell you," she asserted.

"And that would be…?"

"Tacos and pizza and fried chicken and cheese burgers and Philly Cheesesteaks, oh, heavens. Now see here, boy, you got me going and now I'll be hungry for the whole flight."

"Here." Shuichi pulled out a fresh unopened pack of chocolate pocky. "I was going to let my friend eat those on the flight but…he's no longer with me. You may have them; they are sealed so you know they are safe to eat."

"I was just kidding!" She smiled a very pretty smile. "I don't want to take your food!"

"Maah, I have my strawberry ones to eat, you might as well have these. My Yuki isn't here to eat them with me anymore."

"I'm so sorry to hear that - when did he pass?" she asked gently.

"Oh!" Shuichi was startled. Then it was her turn to be surprised as Shu let out a loud laugh. "He's not dead! He's on a different flight!"

She crinkled a smiling eye at him. "Then that's some kind of dramatic acting ability you got going there. A different flight's not exactly end-of-the-world stuff."She accepted the package. "Thanks. Hey, I'm Natalie. What's your name?"

"Shuichi Shindou!" he said proudly. Although, she was a little older than his band's target demographic, so she might not have heard of him. "My friends call me Shu."

She still smiled. Funny little guy. Name kind of sounded familiar.

"You goin' to California, too?"

"Hai!" He seemed a little more excited and cheery.

"It's a long flight, I'm saving these for later, if you don't mind," she said, holding up the package before slipping it into an open compartment of her carry-on.

Shuichi startled as someone plopped in the row of chairs that butted up behind them. The person had landed so hard in the chair that it clacked the two whole rows together with a jolt.

Natalie turned with a stern look for the oafish behavior, but the woman facing the opposite direction either didn't notice or didn't care. She was in an expensive black business suit and fidgeting with her carry-on laptop bag, making sharp irritable movements that screamed "don't mess with me!". Her hard, cold look echoed the same sentiment.

Shu leaned over casually and followed Natalie's glare to steal a look back at the business lady's smooth dark hair and squared narrow shoulders. He shrugged and shared a wry smile with Natalie. Some people!

Sadly, Natalie was not in first class. As a matter of fact, she was in the seat she very specifically picked, over the wing (smoothest ride) and on the aisle (no crawling in and out over knees for me, Shu!) and she was not about to give it up to join Shu, even if he begged.

He almost fled when, for a minute, it looked like the very crabby business lady in the black suit was going to sit next to him. She stepped out of the aisle and hovered, as if ready to sit in the aisle seat next to Shu.

He held his breath. No nasty seatmates, please! Ai!

But after the stewardess had a word with her she smiled, unexpectedly charming, and left for her seat near the back. It seemed as if she had been peeking in the cockpit at the crew, and Shu wondered briefly if she knew one of the pilots or something. He didn't contemplate it very long, relieved she wasn't going to be anywhere near.

He ended up with no one next to him (ahh, more room to spread his junk out). After a few rounds of Fullmetal Alchemist on the DS (darn, that Pride was hard to kill!) he dozed off, his hoody jacket over his chest and his crossed arms pulled up to his chin.

He had been sleeping for quite a while when he suddenly had the feeling he was being watched.

He peered up with bleary eyes and saw with a slight chill that the lady in the dark suit was staring straight at him from inches away, perched in the seat beside him.

"You're Shuichi Shindou! I overheard your name back there and I had to come see for myself." she smiled at him, but the scrutiny from her dark almond-shaped eyes felt cold and calculating.

Shuichi shivered involuntarily.

Her fingernails drummed on the lid of her closed laptop.

"You can't imagine how much I appreciate you being on this flight," she continued. "You're quite the international celebrity. It seems odd you weren't mobbed at the airport."

Shu looked at her and really wished he had the guts to tell her to leave him alone. He shrugged nervously.

"Well, I will talk to you later." She flipped open the overhead and tucked her laptop in it. She smiled and explained, as she snapped it back closed. "My overhead was full. Too many coats." She slipped back down the aisle.

_I wonder how long she was sitting there before I woke up_, Shu mulled uncomfortably, accounting for all of his games and devices. He wasn't able to go right back to sleep after that.

People wouldn't be bothering him if Yuki was here. Yuki could give them a look that made them go away and stay away, if he wanted. Or he'd charm them senseless and send them off starry-eyed and they mostly forgot Shu existed.

'_Yuki,' _Shuichi thought. '_I was so anxious to share this flight with you, if only because we would talk without shouting. This would have been so perfect…'_

Or maybe awful. It had occurred to Shu that a long heart-to-heart might reveal something about the way the relationship was heading that he wouldn't like. But at least if it was the truth, whatever it was he could deal with it somehow. This constant fighting and not even knowing exactly what the problem was - well, it was wearing his perpetual optimism away.

He fingered the case with the Jornada…he should pull it out, work on those lyrics. But his state of mind was just not right for making words to share with the world. He felt very private, vulnerable and threatened. Those feelings he could only write about when he felt better and was looking back on them. If he tried now, it would overwhelm him. And the lyrics would wallow and suck; he knew that from experience.

The hours in the air had been crawling slowly by, and he had nothing to show for it.

He gently rattled the ice cubes in the plastic cup and sipped the lemon-lime soda. The DS had lost its appeal some time ago. He gave up on staring outside as well, sliding the plastic shade down over the window. The blue sky and sunshine were too incongruous with his darkening mood.

He had dozed off again and slept for quite a long while when a noise in the overhead rousted him.

What? He heard tones, getting louder, playing a stilted wave file version of "Three Blind Mice".

After a few minutes he was beginning to get annoyed. He hailed a stewardess, who peered in the compartment.

As the door flapped open, the tones assailed his ears even louder.

"It's your laptop." the stewardess said kindly, as if he were a very stupid first-grader.

"It's not mine!" Shuichi frowned. "It belongs to that woman in the suit that was up here before!"

As if on cue, alerted by the tones when the flapper was opened, that woman appeared. She plucked the laptop from the overhead with an apologetic look all around and sat in the empty aisle seat, flipping open the top.

Peace reinstated, the stewardess had already moved on.

"Sorry, sorry," she smiled thinly. "It seems that I left my alarm on."

Shu watched her fiddle with the computer and turned away, anxious for her to go back where she belonged.

Long-nailed fingers closed the computer and tapped slowly on the top with an annoying sound. The woman sat staring forward without moving,

The stewardess went by, advising Shu's visitor to return to her seat since they were nearing the mainland. The dark eyes widened and tracked the attendant as she opened the door to step in and collect something from the flight crew.

The woman suddenly turned her head and looked at Shu. "I hope they spelled your name right on the manifest."

"Huh?" Something in her voice made the singer's blood turn to ice. He desperately wanted her to go away now.

"Mr. Shindou, you have my gratitude." She nodded, almost a slight bow, and then picked up the closed laptop by one corner. It rested jauntily on edge on her shoulder as she stood and stepped forward in the aisle.

Without warning, she wound up and flung the computer overhand with unbelievable speed and accuracy, sending it straight into the cockpit through the open door. It spun into a blur and traveled with great force, and Shuichi heard it hit something solid and metal.

His brain struggled to absorb what he was seeing. When she threw it, he was afraid it might hit the captain or copilot, and his shock was filtered with a moment's relief at the sound that meant the throw had missed the humans piloting the plane.

The woman bared her teeth, coral lipstick framing a snarl. Oblivious to everything but her goal, she darted forward toward the faces turning to the open door - to slam it shut.

In the next split-second the explosion in the cockpit rocked the plane with a violent, tooth-rattling jolt and Shuichi couldn't find the breath to scream.

But he was among the minority.

_tbc_


	2. Friends

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.

**Chapter Two - Friends**

Screams filled the ruptured cabin air as the plane began to cant forward in a dive. It gripped every heart with icy fear, and it slammed Shuichi's gut with a cold, leaden clarity of realization.

The singer's throat clenched shut with the sudden possibility that these were the last minutes of this life. His fate was before him, undeniable. There was nothing to salvage and no one here to turn to for help. His whole existence highlighted in a random fatal error. 'Select all - delete'.

Never had he felt so abysmally alone, not even a stranger to cling to. He grabbed his gadget bag, somehow still situated in the seat next to him, and irrationally squeezed it to the lump of panic in his throat as if it could hug him back. The plastic cup of soda tumbled and splashed a sticky swath across his athletic shoes, bouncing away as the ice landed everywhere and went sliding erratically on the floor. It didn't register as an accident in the grand scheme of things anymore.

"Yuki!" he wailed aloud to himself. It wasn't like anyone was close enough to hear in all the horrible din.

Thank God Yuki didn't do the noble thing and take the later flight just to be with him.

God damn Yuki, for not waiting and staying with him, for making him go through this horrible thing alone.

There were no mixed feelings about Hiro and Sakano and K. A small corner of his mind took a shred of comfort in knowing they were safe.

'Why me. Why me?' Shu didn't know any more if he was saying out loud the things that his mind shrieked in denial and anguish. 'This can't be happening. What do I say to make this stop? What do I do? Please be a dream! Yuki!'

The air was rushing around the fuselage in a high pitched scream, a near match to the cries of the few plummeting passengers still finding the breath for it.

Shu followed what he could make out of the shouted instructions wafting over the sounds of terror and tightened his belt, crossed his arms and doubled himself forward onto his legs. A water landing, he heard a female voice yell. Seats. Flotation devices. Emergency exits.

He hadn't paid a dime's worth of attention to the emergency orientation speech earlier and it was far too late now.

'_I wonder if I will be able to watch over Yuki from…wherever…,' _Shu thought in heartbroken resignation. Tears began to stream unnoticed from his eyes, blurring his view of the tattered cabin wall. '_Yuki. Hiro. Ryuichi. I can't lose you all. Please…I can't bear to leave you yet...'_

The sound in his ears turned deafening, and his flight was over.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Yuki nursed a wine cooler and tolerated the conversations that passed around him like traffic skirting a construction barrier.

"Ryu will be here to pick us up when Shuichi's flight arrives," K said to Sakano. They observed the arrival/departure board yet again. Still "On Time."

"One of us should have stayed back and come in on his flight," Hiro groused. "I would have volunteered if I had known no one had offered." He pointedly looked at Yuki.

Yuki look a long drink and ignored him. He hadn't planted the lube on Shu-chan for nothing. A flight that long could have ended their relationship in the clingy, whiney mood Shuichi had been in lately. This suited him just fine, a long quiet stretch of writing, a nap, some drinks…and no interruptions to speak of.

They would have to travel together separately more often, he thought with a rare, wry smile.

Sakano addressed Yuki politely. "Shindou-san will be here soon. Were you able to secure his luggage?"

Yuki nodded at a giant camo-print bag and a purple backpack next to his coordinated charcoal-gray designer luggage. "You didn't think that was part of my set, did you?" he asked sarcastically, jutting his chiseled jaw. "Yeah, I got the little pest's shit."

Sakano's mouth pulled to the side in distaste at Yuki's depreciating referral to Shu.

Hiro came back from nature's call with news of a setback.

"Shu's flight says "delayed" on it now. Guess they're going to be late."

Yuki groaned.

"It was on time a minute ago!" Sakano frowned.

"Air traffic is probably stacked up, happens here all the time. Sometimes they even reroute flights to the other airport," K piped in. "Calls for another round I guess. Does Ryuichi have a driver?"

"Don't worry about it K, you won't have to drive. Go ahead and have another." Sakano smiled, feeling just a little uncomfortable. Stacked up. How inconvenient.

Ryuichi waved and wandered up, looking around. He gave Hiro a manly one-armed hug and didn't let go as they bellied up to the bar and caught the others' attention.

"Where's Shu?" asked Ryu, excited. He missed his Shu-chan, and it didn't hurt to let Yuki know it. If Shu _had_to stay with the bastard, the least Ryu could do is try and make him be nicer to the adorable pocky-addict. It had to be clear that if Yuki screwed up badly enough, Ryu would be right there to pick up the pieces.

"His flight's delayed," Hiro sighed.

"It was on time when I checked the net a few minutes ago, darn it. I really hate airports." Ryu patted Kumagoro, nestled in his hoody, for comfort.

The flat-screen over the bar was muted and tuned to a cable news network. The station began running a breaking news message about a non-stop flight from Japan, but none of the men were watching the screen. They marked time in quiet, semi-comfortable boredom.

The public address system crackled into life.

"Attention, attention. Parties awaiting the arrival of Flight 2242. Please report to room 201, adjacent to Baggage Carousel B. Repeating…parties awaiting the arrival of…"

"Did they say…what flight was that?" asked Sakano. Wasn't that Shu's flight number?

Hiro looked back, eyebrows knitting in concentration. "I think that was it, 2242. Hold on, it's hard to hear. Listen…" His eyes wandered up as he tried to make out the public address system's distorted words, and rested absently on the television.

K grabbed Yuki's arm way too hard.

Yuki looked up to give a properly wilting glare for nearly making him spill his drink and stopped.

K's mouth was open and he stared wide-eyed at the monitor. Yuki's blond head tipped up to followed his gaze and froze.

The legend "JAPAN TO LAX FLIGHT DOWNED IN PACIFIC - UNCOMFIRMED REPORTS OF EXPLOSION ON BOARD PRIOR TO CRASH" rolled along the bottom of the small screen.

Hiro made an anguished sound in his throat. Ryuichi and Sakano crowded forward, as if getting closer to the image would make it all stop somehow.

"Room 201," gasped Hiro. "We gotta go!"

o0o0o0o

The room was filling with distraught people, parents, mates, friends and associates. A serious, well-groomed man in a suit was readying a podium and Ryuichi balked, backing clear out of the room. Hiro tried to stop him, but Ryu turned redder still, eyes wide and unfocused with rising panic.

"Oh God," gasped the rock-idol, clutching his chest. "I can't breathe."

Hiro tried to guide him to a chair but Ryu's legs gave out and he went down in the middle of the well-worn turquoise carpet. The faceless crowds of passengers pretended not to notice, flowing around him, mildly inconvenienced by his spot in their path. A large suitcase nearly ran over his hand.

Airport personnel appeared from nowhere to scoop him up and place him in an electric cart, taking off quickly with the gravely distressed man. Hiro stood gaping, torn between staying with Ryuichi and going in to see what happened to Shu's plane.

More personnel were arriving and another cart had appeared, standing by. Hiro realized they were now trying to decide what to do with him.

_No doubt the fainting, screaming and crying of loved ones is bad PR for the airlines, _Hiro realized. _This is damage control_.

He darted after the cart, catching up to take Ryu's clutching hand.

_Forgive me, Shu. _

o0o0o0o0o

Yuki's head pounded as he took a seat in the rows of chairs, so contrary to his usual behavior. He should be grabbing the spokesman by the collar, demanding an answer, making him pay for the worry and the delay. He should be shaking him hard enough to make him deliver his Shu to him now. Now, dammit!

But deep inside, the icy hand of reality/unreality gripped the aloof novelist by the throat.

Because he was pretty sure that people in exploding planes that crash in the ocean don't come home.  
People whose planes don't land don't walk in through the gate and shout "YUKIIIII!".  
They don't shout any names, ever again.

Sakano was dabbing at his eyes furtively, trying not to be overwhelmed, which in fact he was. Completely overwhelmed. His mind played the last look he'd seen on the pink-haired singer's face over and over. Big, sad, lost-puppy eyes as security released him in time to say goodbye and watch while the others boarded and left him behind. _Left him to die with nothing but strangers_, the voice in Sakano's head kept supplying as the voice-over to that image. No matter how hard he bit it, his lower lip refused to stop trembling.

So it was K that had to make the call to Tohma. It took three tries, because the cell lines were overloaded at first, and he couldn't get the call to ring out. Tohma didn't answer (who does these days?) and K left a message, reluctantly. Hell of a VMS. He referred the corporate mogul to the news network. After all, they knew nothing for sure yet.

Cameramen were beginning to filter into the back of the room, setting up equipment with bored efficiency. Reporters and sound men were filling up the gap between the front row of chairs and the podium, littering their logos strategically in the shot on oversized microphones. The media folk set to their tasks, ignoring the nervous audience, blocking the view of many as if they owned the place. A few shoulder-cams panned the faces in the seats, collecting the usual group shots and portraits for the tragedy du jour.

The public relations man launched into his prepared speech. Camera shutters clattered and flashed in erratic shocks of intense light, giving the impression that the spokesman was weathering an indoor lightning storm. In spite of it all, his voice was clear and authoritative with just a touch of warmth, the best composure that money could buy.

"Flight 2242 has gone off-course over U.S. waters off the coast of Southern California and was lost from radar contact due to low altitude at 4:10 PM Pacific Daylight Savings Time. Coast Guard, Air National Guard and local agencies are en route and will be reconnoitering at the last point of contact. No further information is available at this time."

"Coordination of effort will be handled by the National Transportation Safety Board. The local NTSB will set up an inter-agency command post here in the airport. Local personnel will man the effort until the arrival of the NTSB Team from Washington."

"Airport operations are unaffected at this time. The event occurred at sea and current rescue efforts do not hinder the normal function of the air terminal."

"Family members will be accommodated by the airport in the following manner: immediate family members and significant others with hardships should contact the incident command post here in Room 201. Reasonable accommodations will be made to eligible family members as the situation warrants. "

"Information will be made available to you in a timely manner as we receive it. We appreciate your patience and understanding in this time of extreme distress. "

Yuki stared, somewhat stunned, waiting for more. Sakano was similarly attentive and still. K frowned, nudging the men to move.

"That's it," K said. "You won't get any more out of them for a while."

Yuki gave him a distrusting look.

"Airport condition and accommodation for the families. Until the Go Team gets here they try to suppress everything else. Unless we can get to the scene, we won't know anything." K said matter-of-factly. "My cousin works for the FAA. Trust me, that's how this shit works in the good old U.S. of A."

"It sounds bad," Sakano breathed, smoothing his hair nervously. "Shuichi…"

"Where's Ryuichi?" K asked, stalking to the aisle. The other men rose to follow. "We need that ride."

"And Hiro, where did he go?"

K flipped open his cell and thumbed it. "Hiro, where the hell are you?"

Yuki was numb, reality had taken on the mask of a nightmare, and he no longer knew for sure if he was awake. It didn't gel. Shu was warm, bubbly, always there, always in his hair, so much so he sometimes had to push him away. Shu wanted Yuki every minute, loud and clingy, and there wasn't a moment that the anti-social man had felt alone since they came together. Until now. His stomach burned like fire and it was the only thing grounding him in the moment. That, and K's take-charge attitude.

The phone snapped shut and K brought the men up to speed.

"Back to the bar. Hiro's got Ryuichi, he'll meet us there."

He started out into the busy walkway, and stopped. They hadn't followed. Several shoulders bashed his as they passed, his sudden stop interrupting the flow of foot traffic. K took a deep breath and went back to escort them, shepherding from behind.

As the capable blond urged the others to move faster through the crowds, he was acutely aware that time was not on their side. The time lapse since the controllers lost touch with the plane ticked menacingly in the back of his head.

_x_


	3. Floating

See previous disclaimer.

**Chapter Three - Floating**

The sounds told the story that the rest of his overwhelmed senses refused to relate.

The scream of the plummeting craft. The slapping, ripping and thunderous impact as the plane skipped like a stone on the water and then broke tumbling into pieces.

The sudden silence of the passengers, breath knocked out of every single one, either permanently or just for the moment.

The splashing of parts, both the plane's and passengers', skimming to a halt in the water.

Then...ocean sounds. A seagull's cries. A panicked sobbing sound, brief, then gone. Last gurgles. Thrashing. The deep rolling of waves. The clunking of hollow chunks of fiberglass against each other.

Cold, wet and numb, Shuichi clung to the cushion and gagged as a swell washed brackish sea water over his face. Somehow, survival instincts he'd never, ever had a clue that he possessed had taken over when he was catapulted under water. He'd made it back up to light and air, and snagged the closest floating object that might hold his weight. It was a monumental effort with his head spinning and the horizon tilting senselessly, but his instincts were very strong at that moment. A surge of adrenaline had provided the fuel for the effort.

Once that adrenaline rush wore off, it left him shaking and dully aware of how likely this was to end here, and end soon. Diluted blood traced a line down his forehead, diverting at the bridge of his nose and striping his cheek, pausing at his mouth before moving on and dripping from his chin.

One good arm to cling with. One arm dangling below the surface. That limb wouldn't move. Literally stunned, he didn't think there was any point trying to figure out why it wouldn't work anymore. At least it didn't hurt. That made it easier, really.

Because he wasn't able to hold on very tight, and his bleary eyes told him he was in more trouble than he could cope with.

Bodies surrounded him in the water. Whole bodies, body parts, bodies still strapped in mangled seats in various states of entirety, he didn't really look closely now. They rose into view and then disappeared with the cruelly powerful ocean swells. Another cushion bumped his shoulder and he contemplated, briefly, using it, too. He was so afraid of sinking again, and this was another thing to help stay afloat. His free arm made no response at all when he tried to use it. Maneuvering himself with great difficulty against the constant motion of the water, he finally got to the point where he could get his leg to break the surface and snagged the floating pad with his heel.

So cold. Somehow he'd thought that Southern California was supposed to have warm ocean water. Maybe it did, compared to the North Pole. But to his shocked body, he was on ice.

A large chunk of foam floated over a swell into sight. It was as big as a pool lounge, and the thought of actually getting up out of the water was irresistible. He gave up the cushion under his heel and kicked weakly, slow but focused on getting alongside.

The top was a flat, almost dry surface, thick and buoyant. He struggled to climb on it, clawing hard with his good hand and hooking a leg up. A shot of panic hit him as he slipped, plunged over backwards and almost lost his original float from reach.

Shu panted raggedly from the failed effort, his mind fogging up dangerously with the increased pressure in his skull. At least he had the cushion again. His vision cleared a little, tracking a man's lifeless face that spun by, the body beginning to submerge. He thought dully for a moment in his pounding head that it said something, a murmur. His stare broke when he sputtered to clear his mouth of blood and seawater.

It slowly crept into his awareness just how _many_ humans were floating around him. Their voices mixed with the roaring of the pressure in his ears, like a station slightly out of tune blanketed in static. They were starting to murmur his name hypnotically. Enticing him to sleep. To let go of the cushion. To join them and no longer be alone. He swallowed hard and then grimaced, hating the taste of blood.

Another part of his mind realized this line of thinking should be scaring the crap out of him. He struggled now, trying again almost desperately to get on the foam. It flipped, plunging him all the way under again.

His bad arm ended up twisted at an unnatural angle, caught on the edge. He recoiled at the sight and kicked the uncooperative slab away to free it, taking on water up his nose and hacking it back out through his mouth. It was so unreal. It should be unbearably painful from the look of it, but he felt nothing. When he finally rested his cheek on the cushion once again and merely clung to it for life, there was no real sensation of cold or wet. It was like his sense of touch was disappearing from some parts of his body.

Did that mean he was already dead?

His head pulsed continuously with the strange pressure dimming his ability to think. For an undeterminable length of time, he watched the ebb and flow of wreckage numbly.

A sealed red pack of chocolate pocky floated not far away.

His eyes followed it as it wavered in the ceaseless tide. At first he thought of the airport kiosk where he'd picked up one just like it as a thoughtful little surprise for Yuki for the flight. He'd been so sure that Yuki would want to stay and take the later flight with him. But then he vaguely remembered a woman with a pretty smile instead…

He closed his eyes and let the rocking of the ocean's erratic swells ease away that image and the realization that she might be among the parts that had been swirling by.

It was gone from view when he opened his eyes and felt them starting to sting.

Suddenly enveloped in cold again, his head was beginning to hurt. A twinge reported in from his arm. With those sensations, fresh fear was slowly building in his weary gut.

His body was about to remind him of certain disadvantages the living had as opposed to the dead.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Hiro was leading a nearly-unrecognizable Ryuichi by his pale hand. They hailed the limo and piled in, the driver loading the bags in the back.

K was back on the cell phone, speaking few words but very intense. He held the phone away, not breaking the contact.

"I have a general location. Ryu, tell the driver. We need to head to the closest landfall and figure out where they've set up the rescue command post. It'll be restricted, but we'll know we're in the right place."

After a few more minutes, K ended the conversation. "Manhattan Beach State Park. The first of the wreckage is washing up. Apparently they were less than 6 miles out. The home videos are starting to surface on the Internet. We need to get there quick, before it's cordoned off. It's not far."

The driver swung into the exit lanes and Yuki clutched his burning stomach. He shrugged off K's concerned hand, wishing like hell these other men weren't around him. Alone is the way he chose to deal with the devastations of life. Hell was a private place, his place, his own comfortable perch for one. It was Shuichi himself who had dredged him up and out of it, forced him back into the vulnerable, painful position he was in now. If the little bastard managed to survive, Yuki would be tempted to kill him. Love was so not worth it; it would be wiser, if he ever got his traitorous heart back under control, to never let it out again.

Ryuichi was watery-eyed and unsteady, barely over his panic attack and coping poorly with the prospect of hearing the worst. Hiro was supporting him, as best he could. Helping the older singer kept Hiro from his own panic. He had a fear of water as it was; the image that came to him of Shuichi drowning alone in burning wreckage made him physically flinch and he pushed the thoughts away. Concentrating on Ryu's eyes, his breathing, and his shaking hands gave him something real to take care of now. A substitute accident victim he could touch and try to help. He patted and hugged and tried to make his own voice calm. For such a short ride, it was more like a six-hour state funeral procession. It felt like it might never end. It might be better if it didn't.

Sakano smudged the tears off his cheek whenever they managed to escape. He wanted to be brave and optimistic, he really did. But every time he caught sight of one of the others in the car it tore away what little composure he'd managed to accumulate. The only safe face to look at was K's.

A handsome, determined man of action, K wanted only to hit the scene and start making things happen that would result in the safe retrieval of one pink-haired objective. K was not a man to abandon a mission until he had proof there was no chance of success. Until then, all systems were go, and he would lead the way through hellfire if need be.

K was retrieving his .44 Magnum from his air-transport approved security case and placing it in the breast holster concealed under his rich brown sport coat. His blue eyes darted to Ryu.

"We may need a chopper, I've put one on stand-by. We'll figure it out here in a bit." K was on the edge of his seat, anxious to get out and do something. When Ryuichi didn't answer, he touched the singer's knee. "Come on, man. It's not the time to flip out. If we find out the worst we'll have the rest of our lives for that. But not yet. Shu needs us."

Ryu looked like he was going to cry, but forced a thin smile to his lips and reached up to tug the golden ponytail. K smiled back and gave his knee a squeeze. The limo turned again, and they were on the street paralleling the beach.

"Traffic's heating up, sir," the driver observed.

Of course. The gawkers were beginning to arrive.

They needed to move quickly to avoid being scooped up in any crowd-control tactics. K was leaning up and forward, peering ahead.

"Keep heading south. I see flashing lights further down." Emergency response vehicles were gathering on the beach a mile or so ahead. "I think we've found our spot."

K checked his flashing Fossil watch display. Two minutes before five. Almost an hour, it had already been almost an hour since the plane went down. If Shu was still alive but injured, his statistical chances of survival just reduced by one-half. There was no time to lose.

o0o0o0o0o

Something bumped his legs. The pain in his head was growing, the sensation in his shattered arm pulsing with sharp grinding jolts of agony. Oh ,yes, there was no doubt about being alive now. And afraid. Afraid of not surviving. Of being eaten by whatever just bumped his leg unseen. Of being lost and alone. Of his own weariness that threatened to make him let go of the only thing keeping him afloat.

It seemed like he'd been in the water forever. Another body bumped up against him and he stifled a scream. They were starting to get to him again, for a little while he was able to ignore them, what with the pain and all.

But now he had the pain and the fear as well. The sightless eyes and lolling tongues, nodding gently on the mildly rolling water, seemed to be shaking their heads in amusement at him.

Ha ha, they seemed to say. Suffering, are you? That's what you get for being too stupid to die on impact. We're all going to have fun watching you try not to join us.

But join us you will.

We can't wait.

Shu bit his forearm to try and stop the voices that were frightening him. His head pulsed with sharper pain. For a moment he felt something else - there was a hand on his back.

Another survivor? He tried to spin, his head pounded and his vision dimmed for a moment. A concussion, he thought in the background. I've been through this before. Maybe I'm not where I think I am. Maybe I'm in a hospital bed somewhere, like last time. If so, I can let go of this cushion and stop fighting.

Better not, another part of his mind warned. You do have a head wound. But it's not a hallucination - you're still in the water. The taste on his tongue served as evidence. The blood from his head still invaded his mouth and drooled from the corner in a coppery wash.

His vision swam back up and Yuki's face wavered just below the surface of the water, eyes dead and wide. _He was on the flight? He was on my flight after all?_Shu inhaled sharply and the salt made him choke.

"Yuuhh…" he tried to call Yuki's name but his throat gargled to nothing. The pain forced his eyes shut as he struggled to focus on his lover's face…he squeezed them hard to try and clear the image.

When he opened his eyes again he gasped. Relief and anger forced tears from his reddened eyes. That evil woman, her almond eyes closed and painted lips split and splayed, was there instead of Yuki. She was slowly rolling in the water a few feet away, properly dead and missing her suit coat. Her back, visible through the wet white dress shirt, was a map of dark, demonic tattoos.

He wasn't sure if he was really seeing that, either.

O0o0o0o0o

Maybe it was the limousine, or the way the men were dressed, but somehow they went unchallenged. The long, sleek black vehicle hopped the curb and rolled incongruously down the beach to joint the amassing emergency response vehicles. No one questioned their right to be there. K walked right up to the battalion chief for answers. He looked very Intelligence Agency in his shades, and he soon returned to the men fidgeting by the car.

By then he had to shout, as a pair of news helicopters paused, hovering low to get good shots of the response vehicles before taking off seaward.

"Debris is just now making it to the breakers here. Water rescue is still about fifteen minutes out. Rescue choppers are more like thirty to forty-five. No word on passengers yet." K ducked into the car for quiet, working the cell phone again. He popped back out.

"Come on, get in. We're heading for the marina. I've got a speedboat and a helicopter waiting. I'm piloting the chopper; how do you want to work the rest of it?"

They sped off, the limo flinging chunks of sand as they easily slid past the crews erecting barriers, heading in the opposite direction of the growing crowd.

x


	4. Fading

Disclaimer: as previously stated

**Chapter Four - Fading**

K gave the high sign to the co-pilot, who had joined the flight after pointing out that K should really not be smelling like bourbon and flying without one, and they lofted into the air. Hiro gripped the "oh-shit" handle on the wall next to his spot on the bench seat in the back, counting the life preservers roped together in a pile at his feet. The helicopter was scary but the boat would be on water and that meant he'd be crapping his pants too hard to be of any use; so he opted to be the helper for K's Flight from Hell.

Pressed firmly into the seatback from the acceleration, Hiro gave a silent prayer that Shuichi was still alive, doing the backstroke and pissed that they'd left him behind.

"Okay back there?" K called out, turning his head to hear better with the headphone stretched away from his ear.

"Fine!" yelled Hiro above the noise.

They were over the water now, dotted with things he couldn't quite distinguish, but apparently too small to be people, because K wasn't slowing to check them out.

They approached a mosquito swarm of media helicopters and the debris proper. No military or rescue craft yet, although two civilian boats were beginning to float closer, engines apparently off. One boat's occupant was using an oar to prod bodies in the water, apparently looking for signs of life.

It was unreal, therefore Hiro was able to continue to watch, helping scan the littered waters for Shuichi undeterred. No pink hair. No bright yellow hoody. Wait, what was he wearing under that? He'd removed his jacket in the airport, no doubt he hadn't put it back on in the plane.

o0o0o0o

Ryuichi knew speedboats. Living in America, in California, for a few years - yeah, a guy his age knew speedboats. The opportunity to help gave Ryuichi his second wind and he'd pulled it together admirably for this mission. They lubbed out past the slow traffic markers and expertly guiding the craft, Ryu wailed on it, darting the ship North to where the wreckage should be.

Speedboats and the ocean were not always the best of elements together. A small speedboat was far more suited to the calm caress of lake water or protected bays. But this was an emergency. As the lithe bow slapped the water, cutting over the waves, Yuki held on for dear life and Sakano's long lashes blew into his eyes despite his glasses, making it hard to see. It didn't take long to reach the edge of the serious debris, and Ryu throttled back, taking them in at idle.

Sakano dropped to the deck when he saw the arm floating ownerless, the bow of the boat nudging it gently aside as they passed.

A tattoo, the arm had a large black visible tattoo, he noted with horrified relief.

Which meant it wasn't Shu's arm. But what could they do if it was? Bile rose in his throat and he stared at the back of the two mens' heads, hair ruffling in the sea breeze.

They were trolling for the right body. This was too slow, too quiet to be a rescue.

A feeble hand waved at them, an anguished cry. It was a woman.

Ryu and Yuki shared a look and the rockstar reluctantly angled the boat over, floating closer. Yuki came to the back and he and Sakano reached down, carefully pulling the woman into the boat. She was astonishingly well, very obviously injured and she was in great pain, but compared to her counterparts floating about…

She began to cry noisily, relieved and suffering. Sakano held her to help her calm down, oblivious to the soaking he was receiving, but then the dilemma hit them.

They needed to take her back to shore for first aid. But it meant taking that much longer to get back to looking for Shuichi.

Before they could decide, another weak voice cried for help.

Also not Shu.

Helplessly they edged the boat further, hauling an older man up and in, although it looked like this survivior would not be surviving for long. Yuki nearly gagged as he tried to wrap the boat rope around the man's thigh to stem the bleeding.

A helicopter, then two, deafened them and blasted them with down force as the eager camera crews fought to get the best footage of the heroes in action. Ryuichi pivoted the craft expertly and nosed them back out of the flotsam, then gunned it toward the flashing lights on the shore.

This isn't working, Ryu agonized. It's too slow. We'll have to save every one we come across, and in the meanwhile, Shuichi could be using up his last moments…his shivered in frustration.

The helicopters pursued them, shaking the air.

The crew that met them at the beach moved to detain them. Official rescue crews were arriving, they didn't want unauthorized personnel in the way while they deployed.

An alert reporter on the ground recognized Ryuichi and then, by association, realized who Yuki was. After all, it had just splashed across the media that Bad Luck's immensely popular lead singer was listed among the passengers, elevating the headline-grabbing story even beyond its classic appeal as a sabotaged commercial airliner crash.

They never made it back into the water. All the while, alerted reporters, fans and God-knows-who-all pounded them on the back for their bravery, shoved microphones and cameras in their faces, and asked just how it felt to know their good friend might be floating out there in tiny bits among the dead.

No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.

Yuki's heart was sinking in cold frustration, helplessness and despair. So much so that he couldn't even gather enough thought to punch the man who asked, "Will you be dedicating your next book to Mr. Shindou's memory?"

O0o0o0o0o

Everything was blanketed in cold. Freezing, painful yet numbing cold. The hunk of tarpolin over his head was wet and cold as well but it blocked the chill gusts of wind. Now that there was some sort of horrible windstorm adding to his woes, Shuichi struggled valiantly to hang on to both the cushion and his cover. His good arm was aching for his efforts.

His ears thundered. He could swear the air was alive, thrumming and snapping and pushing him down. It didn't make any sense, but there it was. The assault came and it went, and then came back multiplied. A tiny corner of his mind knew what it was, '_Helicoptors, Shuichi, you idiot, take the tarp off, let them see you - baka!' _but the rest of his half-hallucinating brain wasn't listening.

Most of his mind was now obsessed with terror, because the last thing he'd noticed before working himself under the tarp was how low the sun was falling in the sky.

He was terrified of the prospect of being stranded at night with all these people watching and waiting for him to die. With things lurking unseen under the water and no land in sight.

His heart clenched with sudden pain and he cried out Yuki's name. That this broken, dry voice once belted songs to delight the crowds seemed impossible. Maybe he would never be able to sing again.

Maybe there was a reason that this crowd, maybe his last crowd, wanted him to join them.

That hand was on his back again, warm and firm.

His head craned and confirmed no one was there. The movement shot his head with renewed pain and pressure. His grip on the cushion slipped, and he used more of his precious energy struggling to regain a suitable hold that would keep his head afloat. He let his tired, aching head rest on it.

_Don't go to sleep. Don't you want to see Yuki again? If you sleep, you'll slip away. You'll abandon Yuki. You couldn't be that cruel, leaving him alone just for some selfish nap?_

_He doesn't want me anyway, _Shuichi mourned in confused clarity. _He left me to die. He never wants me around. I try to ignore it, because he's what I want. But I'm not what he wants. It's been coming to a head for a while. And now it looks like things will resolve themselves._

_Because I can't hold on much longer. I'm still fighting now, but…it's getting much harder. I'm too weak. _

_All mouth. _

_Like Yuki says, just a brat with a big mouth. They'll carve it on my headstone. Here lies the loudmouth, he rests and now we have peace. _

His mind played bigger tricks now, the swelling in his injured skull creating more disruptive agony, more incoherent thinking. His inner thoughts swung at a dizzying pace, by turns being cruel and kind, encouraging and hopeless, bold and frightened. It was becoming unclear just who he was, or where he was, or what had happened.

The most basic part of his brain, way down in the very core of breathing and blinking, kept fiercely after him to hang on the the float.

But when his conscious mind wondered was so important about the thing he clung to so possessively, it had no good answer. It began to see his whole problem as that cushion, that float. It lobbied hard for him to let go. The floaters chimed in, cheerfully agreeing that it was high time he got rid of his security blanket.

That warm hand on his back patted in encouragement. '_Just let go, Shu. I'm always here to catch you, if you fall.'_

Shu didn't have a person he could tack that statement to.

Had he ever? Had he ever had someone who said that and meant it?

Maybe he should let go. It might be worth the risk. Because then, if someone caught him, he would know. He would know who it was that finally wanted him, wanted to protect him, to catch him when he fell.

Pat…pat…pat. The warm hand still entreated.

Yes, and it couldn't have come at a better time. He was getting a cramp now, a cramp in his good arm, and it was pretty much over anyway. Better to make it a positive move, a leap of faith.

And if no one caught him, it hadn't been much of a life anyway, ne?

Shuichi let the tarp go first, and it caught up in the air and swirled away in the thrumming wind.

Sharply angled daylight washed over him. See, this was good, too. The sun was setting, and now he wouldn't have to face the dark alone. He wasn't quite committed yet, but almost. There was still a tiny thread of hope, so he waited, sparing the few minutes it took for it to break. It was such a thin, brittle thread - it was better this way, with it gone.

The cramp hit harder, and he took a ragged, tired breath and let go, the cushion popped from his hold and immediately shifted out of reach in the push of air around him.

_Who are you? Where are you?, _Shu wondered, face barely above water. The hand on his back had disappeared. No one there. _I should have known._

As he slipped under the undulating surface, the filtered light danced and swayed with an odd beauty, stinging in mixed reward for not bothering to close his eyes.

x


	5. Finding

Same disclaimer.

_Thank you for your kind reviews. It helps to hear your reactions so I can keep the story going in the right direction..._

**Chapter Five - Finding**

K had the life vest on, coat and dress shirt off, shoes and socks removed. The gun bra and his black steel baby were likewise safely stowed. They moved methodically over the rocking sea of debris, hovering, searching. Instead of stopping the co-pilot called in coordinates as they passed survivors, or things that appeared to be survivors. With the motion of the water it was tough to tell.

A bright blue tarp swirled in the near distance, airborne somehow, caught up in the helicopter's downdraft. A flash of dark pink hit three sets of eyes with a pop, and they saw the figure clinging to life that looked decidedly like Shu.

"Get me as close as you can without blowing him under," K barked, tightening the blazing orange vest. He jumped back and grabbed another life preserver, bashing the button on the rear control panel. The automatic control opened the sliding side door in a steady, smooth motion, testing the patience of the marksman bracing himself against the change in pitch and pressure in the cabin. He tossed Hiro his shades and before the guitarist could react he was gone, toes first, jumping cliff diver style into the water.

Hiro leapt up and leaned to look out through K's exit-way in shock. He gasped to see Shuichi disappear under the water even as K splashed down some 20 feet away. When his foot slipped near the gaping opening, the copilot thumbed the forward control to slide the door shut, grimacing at the thought of losing a passenger out the side over some stupid moment of panic.

"He went under!" Hiro cried, pressing against the side glass frantically. The co-pilot pulled up, taking the craft and its disruptive winds a bit further away. K re-emerged after a few seconds and his strong strokes took him quickly to the spot where he thought Shu was, but there was nothing there. Hiro could see the confusion in the body language as K's head swiveled frantically, then ducked just under the water. It took forever, and K came back up, still no Shu in sight. Hiro cursed under his breath and clenched his fists, helpless and agonized. K shucked off his preserver and went under again, this time abandoning the life vests and diving down out of sight.

He was down a long time. Hiro began to feel ill. Both of them, it began to look like the sea had claimed both of them. But suddenly, K's head popped up. He was swimming one-armed to one of the vests, something hooked under his other arm barely above the water. It was a person!

Hiro slammed his fist into the door frame to vent his soaring tension. K had the person they thought was Shuichi! Hiro watched, barely breathing, as K was hanging on to the limp figure, wedging the thin arm into a vest then looking hesitant, then awkwardly working the other arm in too.

After securing the straps, K towed him to the other life jacket floating nearby and wrestled his own way back into it.

Able to look more closely at Shu, K suddenly realized he didn't seem to be breathing. A quick check found a pulse, but the gargled sound he heard in the chest cavity was a bad sign indeed. He shifted behind Shu and gave him a modified Heimlich, squeezing sharply.

A gout of water shot out, followed by coughing and wet, thick, ragged gasps.

Thank God. K held Shu, stroking his face to bring him into awareness, getting arranged in order to hold him securely without hurting him as they bobbed in the water. The boy was in very bad shape, K realized just how close they had been to losing him. It was probably the blast of the chopper that pushed him under, but even so…he didn't look like he was good for much longer. Even now K couldn't be sure they had been on time. The eyes were all wrong when he thumbed up the lids, with grossly mismatched pupils. There was nasty damage to the back of his head…and the arm…K wasn't sure if it could be saved or not.

"Shuichi…Shu…if you can hear me," the blond marksman said, as reassuringly as he could muster in the wavering sea. "I'm here, I've got you. It won't be long, Hiro should be calling in our position and we should have a boat or a lifeline soon."

He smoothed water and blood away from Shu's closed eyes, gut clenching. "Hang tough, Shu, don't you dare give up on me. I'd hate to have to shoot you after all this." Shu didn't respond. His head tipped forward, limp, his mouth open and jaw slack. The weak wheezing of air in and out of his lungs seemed ready to halt at any minute.

K had never realized just how small and fragile the little ball of personality was until he saw him like this, without his concert-hall-sized optimism and warmth showering the vicinity.

He held Shu closer, hoping to give him a little of his own warmth, even as the cold waters ebbed it from him as well. News choppers, attracted by the fluorescent vests, began waggling overhead, blowing air over their wet skin with blasts that were freezing cold. K wished now he'd hung on to the gun, a few well-placed rounds would send those cowards straight to hell or back to the beach; it made him no difference which one, as long as they stopped making things worse for Shu.

It seemed like they were stranded there forever. In fact, it was only twenty minutes before the surfman had the Coast Guard motorized lifeboat alongside and the expert crew working to reach them. As careful as they were, it was heart-stopping to watch them lifting Shu's uncooperative dead weight up and into the MLB. Hauled on board on more or less on his own power , K stuck like glue as two of the crewmen fell to working on the unconscious victim.

They aspirated more water from his lungs, in K's experience a bad sign, indicating Shu had been at least somewhat oxygen deprived for all this time.

They had a blanket on him right away, at least a start at drying him. They handed out a towel for the soaked blond to dry off with and K used it on Shu's legs instead, gently drying and warming him with even, firm circles to help his circulation. They threw a blanket over K's shoulders as well.

Seeing that K was doing no harm to Shu or himself, the two uniformed men handling the emergency first aid were free to concentrate on the major injuries. One of them called out to the man piloting the boat and they agreed to head to shore immediately. They were in danger of losing this one, and with six rescuees on board they were at full capacity.

Three other people were laid out on the deck, well enough that they were at least conscious; a fourth body was motionless and covered from head to toe.

Shuichi's skin was starting to look a little less doughy, but it was still freezing cold.

Someone must have figured out who it was, because now no less than four helicopters were jockeying overhead for camera angle, and the noise and vibrations were ungodly.

A tinge of nervousness hit the stoic gunman, he sincerely hoped the idiot pilots knew enough to stay out of each other's path. That would be the icing on the cake, having helicopters collide and fall on them before they could get to shore.

K scanned the horizon and realized he had no idea where on shore they were headed…of course they wouldn't be just heading for the beach, a boat this size would be heading for a port or pier…

It really didn't matter. Wherever they were going, it meant an ambulance and a medical facility. The only thing that mattered was getting there quickly enough.

A paramedic team for each survivor scrambled onto the boat as soon as they reached the dock. They wasted no time. Intravenous lines established, wrapped in new dry blankets and hooked to a portable monitor, Shuichi was motionless as paramedics relayed his vital information to someone at a remote base unit, no doubt at whatever hospital they were destined for. An order to administer something came crackling back. K didn't recognize the name of it.

He knew they wouldn't really tell him anything. But he still couldn't help asking.

"I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am that you got to us out of there. You've seem like you've done a lot of these rescues, can you give me any idea how well he's doing?"

"We're doing everything we can." _Standard non-committal answer._ The man in the white uniform from the boat scribbled on a clipboard amid the circus of activity involved in transferring the injured to the waiting emergency crews at the dock. His first priority was to offload safely and get back out to the crisis. "He's going to be transported by ambulance to the C. H. Medical Center. Are you a relative?"

"Yes," lied K. "I'm his older brother." No use getting thrown out this far into the game.

"Good," came the paramedic's voice from behind him. He was busy adjusting the height on the rolling stretcher to load the small body onto it with his partner's help. "You can ride with him. We'll need you to fill out some forms. They'll need to check you out at the hospital, too. Get that line, there, Hank. Got it? Okay, on three. One….two…three." They transferred Shu onto their equipment with practiced hands.

"No problem." There was no point in complicating things by correcting their assumption that he'd been a passenger. K felt his pants pocket. The cell phone was still there, it was supposed to be shock and water-proof…

And of course it was drowned and dead.

"Got a phone I can borrow?"

The paramedics shook their heads no, it wasn't allowed for him to use their government-issue phone.

"Even a personal phone? I'll pay you, whatever you want."

Against his better judgment, the older of the two paramedics dug deep into his pocket and pulled out his personal cell. "Make it short. No charge."

K dialed up Ryuichi's American cell number, to be kind, even though he'd prefer to call Sakano. No use breaking the bank for the poor guy with a re-routed international cell call.

"Ryu. K. I'm here with Shu and he's alive…yes. Yes, he is, but he's hurt. No. No, he hasn't, he was out by the time I got to him. We're heading to a place called C H Medical Center. Hell, I don't know, you have a driver, ask him and he'll take you there. I'm riding in with the ambulance. Right. No, I really don't know. Me too. Just…get everyone and go straight there. No delays. Wha…erm. Yes, it's very serious. That's exactly what I mean, so don't waste time. Be sure to call Hiro, I left him in the whirlybird. Pick him up. I said pick him up. Be sure to pick up Hiro. Ryu, come on, it's okay. You need to keep it together for me just a little longer. Ryuichi? Shit. Hello? " K looked at the phone, shivering in his wet clothes. Disconnected. Ryuichi was losing it, but Sakano's voice had been close by, he seemed to be getting everything K was saying…

Well, he'd call again from a land line later if they weren't there when they got to the hospital.

Shuichi moved a little, a restless, tossing motion. K carefully patted and rubbed his icy feet some more, gently encouraging his circulation. The paramedic eyed him, not nearly as willing to let him mess with the patient as the Coast Guard had been.

One amethyst eye cracked open.

"Who caught me?" he croaked blindly, muffled by the oxygen mask. The words were unintelligible in the noise of the ambulance.

"Shu?" K tried to move closer to his head to hear but was pushed firmly back by the medic.

"Can you tell me who you are? What day today is? How many fingers…?" demanded the white-clad man hovering inches away, but the patient's head rolled back with a snap and then remained motionless, eyes closed again.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Water and wind and pain and cold.

It was a fearful combination. It assailed Shuichi while he thought he was stranded in the water. It continued as he lay on the rolling floor of some undulating room. Now it pursued him onto a rolling bed, clattering toward open double doors and the smell of sterile alcohol and engine oil.

Ambulance smells, had he been familiar. As it was, he wondered if a car was parked in his doctor's examination room.

A slow cessation of the cold damp slowly soaked a little warmth into his torso, his extremities far too chilled to keep pace this early on. The wind had disappeared when the doors shut. The pain was going nowhere. If anything, it renewed itself with a vengeance with the returning circulation. For second he wondered who brought him here, tried to ask out loud. The effort overtaxed his brief flash of lucidity and it was gone.

His injured brain was back on-line, providing its damaged goods for his consideration. He was still in the water and he let go and everything was fine. Breathing was not a necessity after all. See, all that holding on for nothing. The bloated dead cheered, rotten hands clapping in squishy, putrid approval.

He hugged himself tight, sinking deeper, light fading. It was dark and cold, and the people he desperately needed were nowhere in sight. It wasn't clear if they had abandoned him, or simply hadn't been able to reach him yet. The further he sank, the easier it was to believe that they had probably tried, tried very hard to reach him, but he was just too far away.

It was less painful than the thought that they weren't looking; that they hadn't even noticed he'd gone missing. That Yuki was somewhere chatting, smoking, and drinking. Probably taking advantage of the opportunity and doing some flirting, glad to be solo. Maybe Shuichi was fading from his memory already.

Self-pity fit right now. After all, he was the unlucky one. Stuck in foreign waters, waiting to be fish food. Anger fit pretty well, too.

Every so often, something at the fringe of his awareness beckoned him to come back to the surface. He refused. It was painful, it was uncomfortable, and no one had bothered to show up, so to hell with them. He curled up into a ball to sink faster, deeper. The dark seeped into his body, numbing it to the cold now.

It gave him peace in a stubborn, pouting sort of way.

He couldn't quite remember how he'd ended up here.

At the moment, it was getting hazy as to who this Yuki was anyway.

His awareness eroded away until the only thing his mind held was the hollow rhythm of blood crunching through his embattled veins. The pressure in his skull was skyrocketing.

Their motionless patient exploded suddenly, flailing in wild convulsions, and the medic moved with alarming speed. They hadn't secured the limp body against this level of resistance, and now his hands were full trying to keep the violent seizures from tearing out the I.V. lines or causing further injury. K fell back out of the way and closed his eyes momentarily, stunned for the first time since this whole nightmare started. He took deep breaths, willing himself to stay calm; and when the older medic asked him to lend a hand, he was ready again, holding up the fallen saline bag and sending all the good vibes he could muster in Shu's direction.

The damp, disheveled head jerked a few more times, and then the fits slowed and stopped. The paramedic doing the driving looked back over his shoulder at his partner and the two exchanged a look that dropped a huge block of ice in K's stomach.

"We're almost there, get ready to move," barked the older medic.

The ambulance driver fudged on the speed restrictions and bounced into the emergency entrance with a squeal of rubber, determined to deliver a patient and not a DOA.

x


	6. Fragile

Disclaimer as previous.

_Thank you all very much for your reviews - they were especially helpful this time. Special thanks to Neko-chan for taking the time to communicate so clearly and generously. The story has been completed in its rough form and is being posted up as the chapters are cleaned up and edited...so there shouldn't be any overly long delays between posting. I did say 'shouldn't' - you know how life can interfere wth your plans sometimes..._

**Chapter Six - Fragile**

He looked deathly ill, pale and still. The more tubes and devices they attached to him, the more frighteningly frail and lost he appeared in the aggressive lifesaving technology. K's little white lie about being a relative had been found out and he'd been ejected from the ER by that time. Now, without his watchful eye, Shuichi's traveling biomedical exhibit dodged and rolled from one test location to the next, being imaged and suctioned and sampled in myriad ways. Shu was oblivious to it all, never moving or reacting, vital signs unreliable and suggesting more tests were needed and quickly if the man was going to survive to advance to the next activity - surgery.

Back out in the waiting area, K went to the windows and scanned the parking lot. It was a good ten minutes before he saw the limo roll up to the emergency room loading zone, pausing past the automatic glass double-doors. The occupants didn't wait for assistance, the doors flying open and the passengers bailing before the vehicle settled in a dead stop. The driver did have to get out to close two of the doors before he could drive away, though.

To their credit, they came in quietly, respectful of the others in the huge, busy waiting room.

Yuki grabbed K's cold bare arm, a move not totally unexpected.

"How is he? Have you seen him?" The writer stared into his eyes and K could feel the demand tempered with fear.

"Guys - look - they're still running tests - he needs surgery on his arm, and he has a head wound. He's been unconscious, he kind of came around for a second in the ambulance, but he hasn't really seemed to be aware of where he was. He started having seizures just before we got him here. They stopped right away, though, and there haven't been any since. All they've said since they booted me out is that he's being listed in critical condition."

K put his hand on Eiri's. "Let them know that he lives with you. They'll let you in as a life partner."

The blond nodded and quickly made his way to the reception window to lobby for a visitor's pass and access to his lover.

After applying his sticky name tag, a subtle buzzing sound announced the remote release of the doors and Yuki disappeared through them.

Hiro handed a bag to K, who took it with a puzzled look.

"Er, I lost one of your socks," Hiro said. K forced a smile and ruffled the younger man's hair, escalating it into a firm, affectionate hug before he let go and led them to an area that was less crowded to sit in. The other men found empty seats around him and settled in to pump K for more details while he put his one sock, shoes and shirt back on. The t-shirt and his clothing from the waist down were still damp, but it felt more civilized to have shoes and a real shirt on. "Hiro?"

"It's locked in the trunk of the limo with your jacket," Sakano said softly. K nodded gratefully; he wouldn't be able to bring the weapon into the hospital anyway, but he did need to know its whereabouts.

They threw a lot of questions at him, and K gave them what information that he could, but really, he couldn't give them what they wanted. He couldn't give them anything like a reassurance that Shuichi was going to be all right. Most of the details were frightening and upsetting at best. The more they heard, the harder it was to stay optimistic.

Ryuichi slipped down to sit heavily on the floor and began to sob inconsolably. It was too much for Hiro, trying at his wit's end to keep it together. He leaned forward in his chair and buried his face in the older man's soft hair, wrapping his arms around him for comfort. Comfort for both of them, as Hiro felt the tears start slipping down the bridge of his nose and disappearing into Ryu's shaking mane.

The news network glaring on the waiting room television trumpeted the latest death toll and showed grainy cell phone video of an apparent explosion on the plane while still in the air, replayed repeatedly in spite of its dismal graphics quality.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Yuki found the glass-fronted area, and he had to stop and catch his breath at the sight of Shuichi - or rather, how little of him could be seen. He compared the number on his visitor's badge with the signage - yes, this was the right place. This was his Shu.

His hands were shaking as he walked up. The automatic glass door slid open silently. It seemed inexcusable that Shu was all alone. Shouldn't people be hovering and doing brilliant, state-of-the-art medical things to help him?

Only one amethyst eye was slightly open, still and dull.

"Shuichi," Yuki breathed, afraid to touch him. The monitors blinked and traced and clicked, a somber tone keeping a slightly uneven rhythm. Far more activity than the body they were attached to seemed capable of producing.

Then he spotted the breathing apparatus. They'd put in an airway. Yuki remember Shu commenting on how much he feared that device, vague as to what hospital or person they had visited that spurred the comment. It was supposed to be incredibly painful. It prevented the patient from making any sounds. And it was potentially ruinous to the throat.

So on top of everything, as soon as Shu became aware of his situation, he was going to be completely devastated. His voice was his life. Yuki thought about that, and what he might do about it. He avoided thinking about the possibility that Shu might not improve to the point where it would be an issue.

There was the tiniest shift of weight on the bed, Yuki scarcely caught it. The dull, sightless eye hadn't moved, though. The blond's tension was mounting.

Finally a nurse appeared, bustling in with pouches of liquid, a hand-held scanner and an electronic clipboard.

She nodded to Yuki, a tiny bright gleam in her eye that irritated the writer to no end. This was no time for some woman to be checking him out.

"How is he?"

The nurse was ripping open a plastic baggie of some sort of drug, then fishing among the tubes to locate Shuichi's wrist and the coded wristband. She used the scanner to beep the wristband, then the barcode on the bag, before stringing it up and plugging it into the myriad of tubes.

"No results from the tests yet." She tapped at the clipboard with her stylus and set it aside. Her hands, gloved in purple nitrile, gently checked the packing on the back of Shuichi's head. "The orthopedic surgeon is coming by soon. The neurologist has already seen him. We'll know more about any possible surgeries when they make their determinations." She pulled back a folded cloth and Yuki's head spun. The arm underneath it was nearly unrecognizable. He backed up and sat down hard on the chair, elbows banging the angled chrome arms.

"Can he hear us?" Yuki's voice was dry and rough.

"Hard to say. It's better to err on the side of caution and talk to him. It'll be good for him if he can hear you." she took a reading, reset a dial. "That button there? If there's any visible change, push it. I'll probably already know, though. I'm monitoring the readings from my station. I'll leave you to visit so you can spend some time with him. If he goes into surgery you probably won't see him for quite a while."

She snapped off her gloves and discarded them, pausing with a last warning as she left.

"He can't have any pain medication or sedatives until the results are back from his tests. So if he starts to wake up, you should be aware of that. It may make him restless."

Yuki rose slowly, soon finding his first impulse thwarted. One wounded hand and its mangled limb were covered carefully; the other was entangled in tubing, some sort of monitoring device with a red light impaled on one finger.

So no hand-holding.

No soothing touches to the battered, bandaged forehead.

It didn't seem like there was an exposed piece of the silent body that wasn't damaged in some way. Yuki's eyes roamed to find the place he could touch without causing more pain.

A small expanse of pale skin along Shu's jaw line appeared to be the only spot for it. No bruises, no cuts. The writer's soft finger brushed gently against the even softer skin of his lover, quaking at the cold stillness so foreign to the smaller body.

"Shu," he whispered. "I'm here. You made it. You just have to hang in there and let the doctors fix you up."

Tears started to well up and he shut them down. Shu might see something, sense something. His eye was partway open. It might scare him to see someone hanging over him crying. Yuki would be strong for him. Even though he couldn't remember ever feeling so weak and helpless as an adult.

"Brat. For once I wish you'd make some noise." He had to swallow hard. Shu wouldn't be able to make noise even if he was awake. The breathing tube…

A subtle change in the pitch of the monitor's tone edged into his awareness. The numbers and the glowing sine wave told him nothing, he couldn't quite figure out which line went with what reading, and didn't have a clue if the signs were good or bad.

The breathing machine bothered him the most. It implied that Shu couldn't be trusted to keep breathing on his own.

O0o0o0o0o

"Oh, Yuki, thank you." Shu smiled and actually felt a little embarrassed. "I didn't mean to make a fuss."

The taller blond man settled into the seat and fidgeted with the seat belt, nodding. "It's all right, brat. It's a long flight to take alone if you don't have to."

Shu clung tight to his arm until a slight shrugging motion warned him off.

"Like I said, it's a long flight. Room to breathe would be nice."

"Sorry Yuki." It seemed strange somehow, finally getting the opportunity to have a long, civilized block of time together. Shu could behave. His heart was firmly on his sleeve, and his courage was at an all-time high. It was as if there was nothing to lose. It was time to pull out their relationship and see if it had the potential for survival. Lately it felt like it had contracted some terminal disease. Shu would do almost anything to breathe life back into it…but Yuki had to be at least somewhat willing. If he wasn't, the singer had finally come to grips with the fact that it would be better to walk away. Just clinging together out of some sick need to keep hurting each other was not an option.

It seemed they had been flying for some time, suspended in space and time, silent.

"Is there still an 'us'?" It took every last ounce of courage to ask and leave himself wide open for the answer.

Yuki frowned in disapproval, as if Shuichi had burped or dropped something. "Stop it."

"Stop what? I want to know. I want to know if we're still us. Together."

"Is there no peace with you? Why do you say such stupid things? We're sitting here, together. We're traveling to America, together. I'm putting up with your shit -as usual- because we're together. Don't bother me with stupid questions." Yuki fumbled for the laptop under the seat in front of him, snapping open the lid to power up and shut Shuichi out.

"Please Yuki. Don't." Shu touched the lid of the writer's laptop and warily pushed it down a little. "My question isn't stupid. We end up next to each other a lot. It doesn't mean we feel close. It doesn't prove whether or not we still really care."

"If you want hearts and flowers read one of my books. I'm not into that crap in real life. If you see me sitting with you, I'm with you. When I don't want to be with you, I'll walk away. Or throw your ass out. That's incredibly simple. Stop trying to make it complicated."

"I still don't know anything. I don't know if you care about me anymore."

Yuki looked at him with a vain expression, the one from the book jacket where he is deliberately studious, wise and slightly sultry. "I'm not planning on dumping you, Shu. You're still my only uke."

He tried, he tried so hard. But the answers, the reactions, were all the same. Yuki was there, yes. But did he truly care? There was never a straight answer. Was he protecting himself emotionally? Or did he simply not want to admit he didn't care and lose his bed partner? What was it?

Shuichi hugged himself and sighed. "I had a dream, Yuki, I dreamed that you left me behind to take this plane ride alone, and a woman made the plane explode and crash somehow. And it was a horrible nightmare, I was in the water and I was going to die. And I couldn't hold on anymore. But in this dream, see, if someone truly cared about me, they would rescue me. And then I would know who really cared. But I can't remember how the dream turned out. I can't remember who saved me, or if I just died. It felt so real."

Yuki was typing as if Shuichi didn't exist. The words got no reaction.

Small tones issued from the laptop, familiar tones.

Face lit by the ambient light of the computer screen, the writer spoke calmly without looking up. "You have to go now, Shu. I'm sorry I wasn't there to save you. It doesn't prove a thing about whether or not I care about you." He began to sing very softly with the slow tones. "Three blind mice…"

"Three Blind Mice. See how they run.." His hair darkened until it was almost black, as did his eyes as they slowly narrowed and angled up. His voice moved three octaves higher.

The singing paused and voice was feminine when it cooed "I hope they spelled your name right on the manifest." The hand that slowly closed and latched the laptop lid had long, painted nails.

Shuichi's head pounded as he tried to make sense of the changes he was witnessing. The relatively boring, secure feeling of being on a very long flight froze and shattered. Yuki was gone. The dark-haired business woman smiled with water gushing slightly from her split, blackened lips, perched in the seat where the blond should be, drumming her fingernails on the lid of the laptop.

Freezing wind began howling through the cabin. Shu twisted to search for Yuki and gaped at the seats filled with oozing, mangled bodies. The cry of terror was stuck in his chest with no way out; his throat was paralyzed with pain and itching.

The seat belt wouldn't release no matter how hard he fought in blinding panic, his arm was caught, he was tangled in something, and his vision was hazy with the nonsense shapes that began swimming into view.

"Shuichi…" Yuki's voice was far away, faint and maybe imagined. It was on the other side of a red wall of pain that was slowly flattening him like a bug. Shu wanted to call to him, to beg him not to leave him alone. Somehow his raw aching throat refused his best efforts and a whine through his nose was all the sound he could make.

o0o0o0o

Yuki wasn't sure whether to summon the nurse. Something seemed to change, a slight tension in the battered body under his tentative touch. "Shuichi? Shu?" Even as he was still deciding, the glass whispered open behind him. Shuichi's eye began to tick slightly to one side, and Yuki's heart jumped.

The nurse re-entered quickly, donning fresh gloves and going straight to the bed.

_tbc_


	7. Facts and Fears

Disclaimer as previous

_Thank you so much for the reviews and your patience...and I agree that there are some OOC elements here. Hopefully it won't take away from the story, speaking of which...time to get back to it!_

**Chapter Seven - Facts and Fears**

The nurse leaned down quickly and looked in the half-lidded eye. The bruised cheek twitched and a leg jerked.

"Mr. Shindou, can you hear me?"

But the pink-hair waif didn't react as the random motions continued in unresponsive, unfocused silence.

"What is it? Is he awake?" The writer hovered in aggravated helplessness.

"He has a severe head injury. He might be having hallucinations. It may be a dream. It may just be the random movements of a severely stressed and damaged nervous system. There's no way to tell just by the outward signs."

The small movements continued and Yuki wondered how long he could stand to do nothing but watch. Two men in white scrubs approached with clipboards and empty vials and politely sent the author and his mixed feelings out to the waiting room. One man took the vials and closed the curtain; the other went with Yuki and sat with him, handing him the clipboard and a pen decorated with an obscure prescription drug advertisement.

Yuki signed the authorizations, barely controlling his writing. The information on the pages could have been in any language; it was hard enough to absorb the words the man in white was telling him aloud. Shuichi was to have several surgeries. Surgery to attempt to save his arm; further orthopedic surgery on the arm as time went on to repair it if it could be saved. Pins or screws might be necessary to repair his damaged jawbone. And, most ominously, an inter-cranial procedure to relieve pressure and explore for brain damage. The outlook was guarded; the young man was in poor condition from earlier hypothermia, shock and blood loss. The doctors were consulting one another about the timing of the procedures. Shuichi's condition was worsening steadily; the neurological condition needed to be addressed immediately. The risk of the procedure was high; but to delay was to insure permanent brain damage.

The signatures set the wheels in motion, the original paperwork was whisked away quickly by the man who had presented them. Yuki found himself sitting alone, staring at the copies of the release forms until they became blurry. Time was of the essence and he wasn't even given a chance to go back in and see Shu for one last glimpse. For a moment, he was completely numb, and the sounds in the busy room muted unnoticed.

Drops began to splat on the papers and he didn't connect them with his own face or attempt to clear his vision to see where they came from. His senses slowly began working again, the returning backdrop of sound startling him, calling attention to the moments of deafness. When he realized that the handful of tears were his own, they stopped as quickly as they had started. Even when the touch on his shoulder made him flinch involuntarily, he didn't try to see who it was or seek solace. Stiffening to absorb the impact, Yuki himself had not realized just how much Shuichi had become a part of his heart until he felt the shock of having him ripped away.

K had spotted him, as he finished and handed the pen back, from across the bustling room. It took a few minutes to thread through the crowd and perch tentatively on the edge of the chair next to the shell-shocked blond. He put his arm around the motionless shoulders and gently pulled the spattered papers away, grimacing slightly as he scanned the procedures outlined there. He handed them up without comment to the other men as they made their way over to stand behind them. Several minutes of silence ensued, each digesting this new information in their own way.

"He'll be okay. Shu's tough, like a pill bug. He'll pull through." K soothed as his arm was pushed away, being optimistic as much for himself as for the others.

The tedious task of waiting began in earnest.

o0o0o0o0o

A clear, well-worn favorite memory lit the darkness in the form of a pleasant dream; the introduction of anesthetic allowed a bit more function in Shuichi's grey cells.

"Hiro!" laughed Shuichi, wind blasting his face with the clear shield flipped up. "I love it!"

The polished black helmet in front of his head bobbed in agreement. They swooped through another curve and slowed to leave the roadway, bouncing over the berm to stop on the wide shoulder of the road.

Shuichi squeezed the waist in front of him too hard in enthusiasm. "It's awesome!" He brought his hands back to rest on his own thighs, taking an exhilarated breath. Who cared if he was supposed to be home by now, struggling with his homework? This was living!

Hiro made a squished sound and then grinned. "Thanks! You're the first person I've hiked on it - I wasn't sure how it would handle. But it's really just as responsive riding two-up!"

"What are we waiting for? Go! Go!" Shu rocked back and forth impatiently. Hiro gunned the motorcycle and Shu flipped right off the back, landing on his shoulders and helmeted head. He sat up in raw embarrassment and saw that Hiro had kept the bike upright, circling back to hop onto the shoulder of the road once more.

"Shu! Are you all right? You have to remember to hang on to me!" Hiro snapped down the kickstand and swung off of the bike, diving down to his side. Flipping up his face shield, he peered with electrified concern into Shu's face. The leather glove cupped his jaw, mindful of the chin strap.

That was it! That was the look. The look Shu wished Yuki would have for him. Pure, unselfish caring and concern.

It was a type of caring that was freestanding, not a by-product of lust or domination. Maybe the problem was not the look. Yuki was lust and dominion personified. To expect treatment that didn't have an element of that might be unrealistic. It would call for Yuki to be someone other than himself.

The problem was Shu, then. Yuki had not changed. He wasn't pretending.

It was Shu who was beginning question what he wanted from his relationship with the arrogant writer. Animal magnetism had been such a huge part of their initial attraction. It wasn't a very reliable glue to hold them together when things got tough. It might fail altogether given a test of time.

They need to talk. Really needed to talk.

The world shifted and Shu found himself sitting in the airplane, looking gratefully at Yuki's handsome face, seeing himself in the cool clear eyes.

"It's all right, brat. It's a long flight to take alone if you don't have to."

The déjà vu stiffened his back even as he began to cling tightly to his lover's arm, waiting for the motion and words that would shake him off until he drifted deeper and the images darkened and disappeared.

o0o0o0o0o

"He's out of surgery, in recovery. He's stable, and once he's clear of the anesthetic he'll be in intensive care. You won't be able to see him until the morning. I suggest you all go home and get some rest. We don't allow sleeping in the waiting room." The sweat-drenched surgeon turned and disappeared back through the doors, sterile booties crunching with each step. K checked his watch again. It was just after 2 AM.

K rousted Ryuichi from his glazed stare. "Can we get the car back here?"

Ryu nodded without changing expression, reaching into his pocket for the cell without looking. "He's on call."

Yuki ignored them as they called and waited for their ride. _Their _ride. Yuki wasn't going anywhere. His hands twisted together in aggravated exhaustion.

Sakano wearily watched Yuki and K catch one another's eye. The coming clash was entirely predictable.

"You need to come with us, too, Eiri." K looked determined.

Yuki was more so. "No. I'm staying."

"Look, you can't see him until…"

"What if he doesn't make it?" Yuki interrupted him with far more force than he should have been able to muster after the long, trying day. "Someone needs to be here with him in case he takes a turn for the worst."

K grew silent. They were all silent in the wake of Yuki's statement. Slowly, K nodded. Just because the surgeon made it sound like a fact that they could see Shuichi tomorrow, there was no guarantee. They all wanted to pretend it couldn't happen, but that was not an excuse to let Shuichi pass away alone if by chance fate dealt that card. And by all rights Yuki was the one who should be there, if no one else.

"You win. Let us know immediately if anything happens. But he's going to pull through. He has to." K knuckled the grim man on the bicep and led the rest of the weary men to the loading zone as the limo pulled up.

Yuki looked like a ghost in the window as the long, dark car pulled away. After staring at the empty street where the car had been, he returned to his seat and studied his hands. It was unbearable, but there was no alternative but to bear it. He distracted himself with bitter lukewarm coffee in Styrofoam cups. Stepped out for a smoke. Stared down the intake clerk. Watched the stock market report, the weather, and the morning headlines.

An explosion in the interior of the plane prior to the crash had been confirmed. Yuki wonder if Shuichi had known, if he'd been afraid, or if it happened so fast he didn't have a chance to realize what was going on. He could imagine the look of panic on that unguarded face, and it angered and tormented him too much to contemplate for any length of time.

"Shindou family?" called a nurse. Yuki jumped up, anxious for information but dreading it at the same time.

"Here," he said hoarsely.

"You can come in to see him if you like. He's still unconscious but he's back in ICU."

Yuki nodded, rushing to follow, needing to see for himself that his brat was still alive.

The pale figure was motionless, the rhythmic click-hiss of the breathing machine dominating the room. The steady beep of the monitor had been turned down until it was barely audible. A nurse hovered with her electronic clipboard.

"How is he?" Yuki asked.

"He came through the procedure as well as can be expected, no complications yet. They've cleaned and closed up the head wound and stabilized his cranial pressure for now. There's a small drain that was inserted. The surgery on his arm was difficult; it was almost a complete reattachment. We won't really know much until some time passes."

"He'll be all right then?"

"His chances of survival are better now than they were, but he's not out of the woods yet. He's suffered considerable brain trauma and the long-term effects of that are difficult to predict. It's a good sign that his involuntary functions are all normal, though." She checked and re-checked several settings on the monitor, then on the digital multiple-drug intravenous pump. "Gloves and gown from now on when you come in. Put a gown right over your clothes when you come in, and it goes in the yellow barrel when you go out. He doesn't need any garden-variety infections or viruses at this point." She pointed to the counter stacked with white gowns and boxes of blue latex gloves.

It took a few moments before the blond was suited up and able to trace a gloved hand over the bare forearm. The nurse went through the glass door. It was just the two of them.

"Shuichi, I'm right here. You're going to be all right. You had an accident, but you're going to be all right. You have to be, damn it, do you hear me?" His glittering eyes stung suddenly, threatening to produce tears until he swallowed them down once more.

o0o0o0o0o0o

"You really don't know, do you?" Shuichi glared down from the surreal plateau of a nighttime stage, and his voice blared on the loudspeakers. The crowd was silent, frozen. All of the stage lights swung down and lit upon Yuki, the crowd parting to reveal him in their midst. "How much you hurt me? How damned mean you are?"

Yuki caught the tossed wireless mike easily. He spoke into it clearly and without hesitation. "If you don't like it, why do you stay? Why do you come back for more?"

"Because I love you."

"Love hurts. It hurts a lot. You can't blame me for something that's a fact of life. Deal with it. I do." Yuki stood in a bright white light now. Unflattering. Crystal clear. "You hurt me, too, Shu. You've brought me as much or more pain than anyone else in my life. _Anyone."_

"Are you saying you love me too?"

"Always fishing, aren't you? It wasn't clear from what I just said? You want to force me to say it like some schoolgirl?" Yuki snorted.

"I want to hear it because I need to hear it. If I don't hear it soon, I don't know if I can keep doing this. Any of this." Shuichi raised a hand and the crowd roared in agreement.

"So don't. Be the big rock star and you'll have lovers crawling in and out of your ass by the thousands.

They'll say it. They'll even think they mean it. I don't need this, Shu. It's killing me. Go play then. Leave me out of it."

The sounds of a wicked electric guitar ripped through the arena and Ryuichi landed on his knees, sliding up next to Shu, wailing in a driving, hot metal solo.

"There you go. He wants you. Have at it."

Shu was distracted for a moment, and when he looked back, the light shone on bare floor, the abandoned microphone rolling slowly to a halt. Yuki was gone. The crowd flowed like water to close back over the vacated space. Ryuichi was touching him, the hands from the crowd were somehow touching him, but the feeling of loss and loneliness grew until it threatened to overwhelm him. It was worse than being isolated.

Suddenly, Yuki was next to him and pulled him offstage, out of the light, away from Ryu and the confusion. A kiss pressed his lips and a gentle, caring touch on his arm affirmed the loving nature of the action.

"I'm not running away, and I'm not forcing you to stay. This has to be your choice now, Shu. I do love you, but I am who I am. I want you with me, but I know that doesn't make it all better for either of us."

The touch on his arm was warm, and a tear fell on his skin with a mildly startling impact, making him gasp. Yuki was crying, and it was Shu's fault.

The visions broke apart , the false comfort of the pain medication softening the shock of slowly realizing he was somewhere very, very strange and frightening.

The touch on his arm did not fade. The voice, quavering, was saying something different, though. It was pleading and sad, and it only asked that he be all right. It was Yuki's voice, but not his way of talking. The blurry brightness swam drunkenly when he tried desperately to open his eyes and he closed them again.

He could tell by the sharp intake of breath and sudden silence that the Yuki-sounding person had noticed. There were motions as he felt bumping against the bed, and then an off-key, poor quality tone. A garbled voice asked if assistance was needed, and a choked voice, Yuki's voice again, said very loudly that yes, they needed help, Shuichi was waking up.

Yuki seemed to disappear, much to Shu's drug-muddled dismay, and prying gloved hands, at least two sets, were working quickly, pulling on his eyelids, poking and rearranging, asking questions he would have loved to have cooperated with, if only he could figure out how.

His head rolled back and forth and he really didn't intend for it to do that, but it seemed his neck muscles had their own agenda. Hands were stilling him; voices other than the one most suited for the job were telling him it was all right and urging him to be calm. It felt like he was trying to get up, but really, that was the last thing he had in mind. It was apparently the last thing the nursing staff had in mind as well, and they restrained his disobedient body with little effort.

He felt himself tugging at restraints and wondered if it were some sort of seizure. After a time Yuki was talking again, using such a sweet and comforting voice, and saying such nice things that it couldn't be real. Dead and in heaven? Hallucinating? Dreaming? Any one could be the case.

The increased medication to suppress his struggles pushed into his veins. With a sudden rush of nauseating heaviness the room grew unsteady and the vertigo called up the raw memory of the steep dive the plane had taken just before hitting the water. The fear wiped out every other thought and sense, and his agitation increased dramatically. When the dosage stepped up again and the feeling of falling stopped abruptly, he collapsed into dreamless silence and immobility.

o0o0o0o

Yuki's hand shook as he reluctantly thumbed the cell phone, waiting for K to answer. The tired voice on the other end sounded worried and impatient.

"Yeah. K. He's still in bad shape but he's been out of recovery for a while. I did, not for long, though. Kind of semi-conscious. He's really restless, it looks…I don't know, like he's fighting it. They put him on some different kind of new pain meds to knock him back out. Yeah, just a few minutes ago. "The conversation was a bit of a blur from there, the writer's mind dodging in and out of the obligatory exchange of words with random worries and fears about whatever they were doing to Shu that prompted them to ask him to leave.

K's words grew even less important. So Ryuichi ended up having to be sedated. So what. The big baby wasn't even involved in this, and Yuki couldn't care less what his personal issues and past history had to do with it. He'd stopped listening at that point, grunting a goodbye and disconnecting when the silence on the other end went on long enough to imply that the call was over.

The cigarette he'd bummed had burned down to his knuckle and he dropped it on the sidewalk to crush it out with his heel, pacing back into the waiting area and straight back to the front desk.

The efficient woman looked Shu up on the system, tapped the screen with a polished nail and told him the patient was being moved and he would still need to wait, but in another room. She pulled out a new sticky name tag and jotted his name and a code number on it in smelly green marker. The slim fingers handed it over, giving directions to the third floor ICU waiting room.

Yuki ripped the old tag off and smacked the new one onto his shirt without much regard as to placement. They hadn't mentioned anything about Shuichi having to move. Although Yuki realized he wouldn't be stationed with any permanence until he was well enough to be in a regular hospital room, it made his jaw clench in irritation. It seemed like they should ask, or at least warn, before they did something like that. He might be their patient, but he didn't belong to them.

He fidgeted in the slow, well-traveled elevator and followed the slightly less than intuitive signage down several hallways of blank white walls and highly polished, outdated flooring. A plastic nameplate-style sign indicated that this was his new waiting room. He twisted the knob and pulled open the heavy door, relieved to find it wasn't crowded. In fact, only a handful of adults, all sitting in near silence, filled just a few of the many shopworn chairs. The bulky television set, stuck on a platform in a corner on the wall near the ceiling, was turned down so low he couldn't hear what the talking heads were saying. He stood there for a few moments, deciding which seat would afford him the most privacy if the room began to fill up later.

He had yet to discover that, as waiting rooms went, this one was somewhat different in nature than the last.

x


	8. Freaking Out

Disclaimer as previous

_Stay awake, don't bail on me yet! The updates will come, depending on my connectivity in the hotels this week…I -gasp_-_will be spending next week on no less that four flights! And I'm thinking it would be bad karma to edit this in the air. Only because I would hate to be detained if someone read it over my shoulder (would it be on a par with making a hijacking joke? I would think so…)… The reviews are still appreciated, and I promise to give you my explanation, however lame you might think it is, for Ryuichi's behavior in the next a/n's..._

**Chapter Eight - Freaking Out**

The atmosphere of the room was defined within minutes, as a doctor fresh from surgery came into the room and addressed the old man sitting solemnly by the door. He spoke in hushed tones and the man hung his head, telling the doctor there were no other family members to be called. He asked if he had enough time to wait a few minutes to gather his thoughts before saying goodbye, his eyes huge and pleading in that aged-worn face. Yuki's stomach gave a twist and he picked up a section of an abandoned newspaper to bury his face in and block his view. When he lowered the paper a few minutes later to check on the opening of the door, he was relieved to see the man was slowly moving out into the hallway.

"Is this your first time up here?" asked a young woman, and Yuki barely held back his usual scowl. Anyone in this room was obviously not in the best of situations; even a callous fellow like Yuki realized that. Still, it didn't mean he was going to socialize with strangers. He grunted an affirmative.

"See that sign? You need to let them know you're in this room if you're waiting to see someone."

Yuki was caught unprepared for that. The white letters carved in the red plastic sign did indeed say 'All visitors: Use green phone to check in. Give name, relationship, patient name and ICU room number if known to Operator.'

He nodded, reluctantly grateful, and went over to pick up the phone. It had no buttons, and it rang through as soon as he picked it up. He gave his information as quietly as possible. The operator told him to wait and someone would come get him when it was time, and to be sure and use the phone to inform them if he left the waiting area.

At least it was quiet and not as crowded. The woman who'd given him the advice promptly went back to her reading. The half-dozen other people in the room sat in dull silence and gave the impression they'd been there for quite a while. Yuki returned to his spot. He picked up another part of the newspaper and blanched. The plane crash, which he'd avoided by skipping the front page, was diagrammed in the middle of the A section, and he'd happened to open right to it. The aerial view of the debris and what Yuki knew from being at the scene were bodies and body parts assailed his eyes. Apparently less than ten percent of the passengers had managed to survive. So far. As the gravely injured lost their individual battles one by one, the death toll was still slowly rising.

So the explosion was in the cockpit. Shu had been right up in first class, with a front row seat. His writer's imagination worked overtime supplying the terrifying scene and all the mental anguish that his sensitive pink-haired singing artist would have been exposed to. His own up close and personal exposure to the wreckage started to fill his mind's eye as well, stopping his breath for a moment.

"Eiri, are you all right?" The blonde jerked his head up and did a double-take at the man striding into the room overflowing with compassion. Tohma was the last person he expected to see. He was at a loss for how to react. Tohma was not exactly on Shuichi's side most of the time; more often than not he said and did things that caused trouble between the two of them.

"Tohma. You shouldn't have come." The writer's voice was quiet, without inflection.

Seguchi sat down heavily, looking sadly at the exhausted, pale man. "Eiri, I'm so sorry. I heard about Shuichi's condition. If there's anything I can do…"

Somehow those words touched a nerve.

"Do? What the hell can you do? "His voice was beginning to grow louder, and a couple of the people in the waiting room glanced his way. The door swung open and a nurse stepped in. Yuki jumped up, but the nurse motioned to the young woman who had spoken to him earlier, directing her to follow. Yuki sank back into the chair, bringing his hands to his face to regain his composure.

"I looked for you downstairs," Touma said.

"They moved him from the other ICU. I haven't been able to see him since they moved him up here."

Tohma nodded. "Any idea how it's going?"

"It's not good, Tohma. He's still alive, though. It's some kind of miracle that he lived through all that. K pulled him out of the water. If he hadn't gone after him with that helicopter he would have died."

They were distracted when the door to the room opened. A couple with red-rimmed eyes, darkened by lack of rest, silently entered the room and perched in the closest chairs to the door, stiff like doomed prey. A man with red hair followed them in, but split off and sat by himself in the chairs directly behind Yuki and Tohma. They must have just come back in from seeing someone, since they didn't go to the phone. Yuki considered asking, to make sure, in case they didn't know about the phone. He shook off the thought. He wasn't a volunteer here. It wasn't any of his business.

A harried doctor rushed by the windows and disappeared through the restricted metal double doors. The occasional blue-clad employee sauntered through those doors from time to time, rolling the odd piece of equipment or cart. Tohma made inane small talk, attempting to be supportive and upbeat. It was all meaningless noise; the novelty of seeing his brother-in-law magically appear wore off after the first five minutes. The only living thing in the room was hanging on the wall, twitching off the seconds with a spastic second hand that lapped the others with agonizing slowness.

Two hours passed, three more people arrived to wait, two more left. Hushed phone calls about mortuary orders and notifying family members preceded one of the departures. Yuki and Tohma had given up on the charade of conversation long ago, settling into the effort of maintaining civilized silence.

The nurse finally came to the door and called the right name. They let Yuki in for ten minutes.

Ten minutes, in white gloves and a crumpled clean gown over his clothes, from the cart marked "sterile" stationed at the worn beige door just outside the room. Standing, because the bed was elevated far higher than any chair could hope to oversee, especially the lone dinged-up orange plastic bucket chair provided. Not a very good visit, because Shu could hardly be seen behind the tubes and devices attached to him. He never moved or varied in his appearance this time. At least the readings on the monitor were steady. Hopefully they were decent rates, or pressures, or whatever the hell they were.

His eyes fell to the worn, faded tiles of the flooring, the chipped edges of the built in counter. Purely cosmetic differences from the first ICU Shu has been in, but…

By the time they told him his time was up and showed him out, he got it. Where Shuichi was. This was the ICU in the back, out of sight, so not state-of-the-art.

This was where the highest risk patients with the lowest recovery rate went to be hidden from view as they met their gradual fate. He was no idiot. It was beyond obvious.

The high tech ICU in front, ground floor, had new designer chairs, glass fronts with automatic sliding doors, perfect granite flooring and fresh Mocha Frost paint. The young, sharp, energetic staff seemed anxious to discuss things with families and the halls were positively littered with new electronic equipment All of the spotless, flawless rooms had lively flat-panel televisions mounted on the walls, high-resolution images parading across them whether the patient was able to watch them or not.

This wing had staff that, while capable and efficient, moved in deliberate, wary ways. They volunteered few words and referred inquiries to the doctors in charge, whose names were uncertain and changed ever 48 hours, and whose schedules were somehow not available at the moment.

There was not so much as a radio, much less a television, to make familiar noises for the patients.

It was like they were encouraging these patients to give up and go.

When Yuki came back to the waiting room he pushed Tohma away. He thought he could do it, but he couldn't. He couldn't just sit here waiting for someone to come ask him about mortuary preferences. It was too much. He started to sit, then stood back up instead.

"Eiri, you're upset - let's take a walk," Tohma started.

"Just leave me alone," Yuki's skin was crawling. His brain was crawling. One more minute of this and he'd have to break something, hurt someone…he slammed the panic bar on the door, causing it to fly open hard. He paused after stepping out, glaring at the secure double doors that guarded the dumpy grey hallway that led to Shu's bed - and turned and went the other way, heading for the exit, the elevator, the stairs, whatever he could find first. Tohma tagged along behind him nervously, silent, not wanting a scene or to be forced to back off.

At the ground floor, getting off of the elevator they came face-to-face with Sakano and K, flanking a pale Ryuichi. The greetings died in their mouths as Yuki pushed past them and Tohma gave them a worried look as he followed.

K's eyebrows shot up and Tohma shook his head, pointing to the elevator. So they went in, the three of them, to head up and wait.

"Tohma's here? I wonder what that was all about," K worried to no one in particular.

o0o

"Eiri, wait!" Tohma grabbed for the fast moving man as he dodged the people coming in the main entrance doors, blindly trying to get outside and away without a destination or plan. "Stop, please!"

He tried to wrench away from the hand at first, crossing the drop-off zone and blundering out into the parking lot. Blinded by bright sunlight, he pressed ahead until dumbly realizing there was nowhere to go in the chain-link fenced area. He slowed, sagging against a tree in one of the parking medians. His eyes squinted against the sun's reflected glare from all the glass and chrome, in spite of standing in the shade. It made his eyes water and some of the drops threatened to escape, right in the open, for anyone and everyone to see.

"He can't die; I can't go through this if he dies. I can't lose someone again, Tohma. And it's my fault all over again." the writers words were choked and bitter, struggling to compose himself in vain.

Tohma gripped the taller man's forearm fiercely. "It's not your fault, and you can't give up yet. But maybe you need a break, Eiri. You've been here non-stop, I bet you haven't been sleeping or eating, have you? You won't make him better by torturing yourself. Come with me, I'm staying in a suite just a little over a block from here. The walk might clear your head. Do you think you can make it?"

Yuki felt the heat from the parking lot rising into his face as he stared in defeat. He shouldn't let Tohma pamper him like this while Shuichi was suffering; but he was too overwrought and angry and selfish to make himself go back up to the waiting room and sit with K and the others right now. They were probably up there thinking the worst of him for walking out; not that their thoughts mattered. But if he went up there and they said one wrong word to him, he'd explode.

"It's not like you're leaving. Just take a short break with me; cool off, wash your face and get away for a few minutes. You can come right back. It just takes a second to get there." Tohma pulled him gently but firmly by the crook of his elbow, and generously gave Yuki his shades.

Yuki pulled his arm free; he almost didn't go. But his stomach had been hurting more and more, and he felt like crap. If he didn't get control of himself soon, he knew too well the effect on his digestive tract, and it would make it damned difficult to stay on top of everything. Hidden behind the dark glasses, Yuki relented, nodding to the lesser of two evils. Tohma nodded back and suppressed a relieved smile, leading the way out of the parking lot to the sidewalk, heading for the hotel.

o0o0o0o0o

K hung up the phone after advising the ICU desk they were waiting and that Yuki had left.

"So we wait," he sighed, sitting stiffly and crossing his legs anxiously.

Ryuichi slumped next to him, still pale and mildly sedated, squishing Kumagoro from hand to hand despondently. Sakano watched them both, exhausted. Shu was alive, surviving the risky surgeries but in poor condition, this much they knew.

A nurse ducked in and spoke quietly with a young couple, leading them out and into the closed unit. One tired soul seemed to be breaking the rules and catching a nap, his carrot-top head tipped carelessly over the seat back.

K fidgeted, watched the flashing display on his watch for a few cycles, and then studied all the signs in the room again in case he'd missed something.

"I want to go in," Ryuichi said quietly. "I want to go in when he can have a visitor."

K nodded. "Sure, Ryu, if you think you'll be all right now?"

"The signs say no more than two visitors at a time. One of us can go in with you, Sakuma-san, that would be best, don't you think?" Sakano said gently.

"S-sure," Ryu nodded. "He might want to see me, you know." He could tell Shu how sorry he was, explain why he turned the boat around and abandoned him. Shu just had to believe him, that as much as he wanted to get away from all those bodies, it wasn't why he turned the boat around. He had wanted more than anything to keep looking. He still felt that painfully urgent, helpless need to go find him, even now. It wouldn't stop, not until he could see Shuichi was here with his own eyes.

"I'm sure he does! He'll be very glad to see you," K said. They were handling Ryuichi with kid gloves, trying to prevent another breakdown like last night's. He still didn't think that it was such a good idea to bring him back up here, but he really had no way to order him to stay home. Not to mention that it was his home and his car they were using so freely.

Eventually, a nurse appeared that sought the people that were here to see Shuichi for the next visitation period.. She solemnly led Ryuichi and K in through the scarred doors.

The dozing man seated behind Sakano was barely rousted by the activity. He cracked an eye to watch them go, shutting it again with the closing of the door behind them.

O0o0o

Gowned and gloved, prepared by the nurse for what they would see and the possible behaviors they might witness, the two moved hesitantly into the room.

K saw pretty much what he expected.

Ryuichi's heart broke into bits. "Sh-Shuichi!" he cried, moving quickly to the bed then hovering in alarm.

"No, no, now look, Ry - he's doing pretty well." K patted the alarmed singer's back, comforting him as he had done many times and for many reasons over the years. "See those numbers on the monitor? And that squiggly line? His pulse is steady and regular, his heart rate is good, his…he's doing okay."

The click and hiss of the respirator filled the silence then. Shu looked doughy and still, like a poorly modeled sculpt of the original. They could only stand there looking on, taking in the confusion of the array burying their friend, and straining their eyes in hopes of seeing something familiar or encouraging. It had a lulling effect, and as unpleasant as the sound was, the steady pace and hissing of the white noise numbed his visitors to the passage of time for a number of minutes.

Shuichi shifted and Ryu jumped, unsure whether to flinch away or leap to the bedside.

"Shuichi? It's Claude and Ryuichi. We're here, Shu. Right here. You're doing really well."

"Y-yeah, Shuichi. Shu, look at me. Please, Shu." Ryuichi begged for some sign of recognition.

Shuichi's body was restless but his eyes remained closed. His legs moved sporadically in small twitches, and it seemed like he was trying to move his head, but he was situated in such a way to prevent just that. His face moved and K thought he was probably trying to move his lips but the respirator was taped over his mouth. Suddenly his eyebrows knit as if he were in pain, and the activity on the bed increased dramatically.

Ryu's eyes grew wide; there was no mistaking the signs of distress. K bashed the call button and the three minutes it took for a response felt like an hour. K was halfway to the door to go grab someone physically when the intercom crackled. "Yes, can I help you?"

"We need someone in here!" barked K.

"Someone will be there directly," the unruffled female voice intoned. A few minutes later, in came two nurses. They promptly ordered K and Ryu out.

K growled angrily under his breath, but took Ryuichi and retreated to the waiting room.

"Well?" Sakano asked. "How was he doing?"

The red-haired man turned to hang his head at a different angle without opening his eyes, trying to avoid a stiff neck and waiting patiently.

o0o0o0o0o0o

He heard them. He heard Ryuichi and K, calling to him, telling him he was all right. If it was just another dream, then it was the one he wanted to be in right now, and he turned all his attention to try and get there. He couldn't get his eyes open and his throat was sore as a blister and refused to make a sound, but maybe his ears really were functioning. It was a backhanded pleasure if they were, though. Why were they here and not Yuki?

The pains in his body felt real. The discomfort of being stuck lying down in one position too long was very real. The nasty hospital smell and the dry chill of the air rang true as well. It seemed this might be it. Final stop, reality. At last. He searched his mind for the reason he was here and came up blank.

But as reality took a little more shape, Shuichi's anxiety level exploded. The respirator felt as though it was tearing his throat from his body. _Never sing again_, the words vibrated in his memory. _Damage from the respirator…never sing again._

He had every intention of ripping the breathing thing out, of tearing out all of the tubes and tape and staples and needles, and beating them all senseless for risking his dreams like that, without asking, without caring. He was angry at K and even more at Ryuichi who should have known he'd prefer death and then even angrier still at that bastard Yuki for not even showing up. His head pulsed painfully and he let fly with every ounce of his strength…

…and found that he could only writhe ineffectively, his swollen and patched body taxed within an inch of its life.

He couldn't do a thing about the tube torturing his throat and tearing up his singing contracts. The heat of his outrage started cooling, ominously, with the off-balance feeling of being victimized. Recent memory began creeping back into his awareness, adding a taste of horror to the mix.

Shuichi's mind began to peel back and uncover terrifying details for him, one regretfully vivid segment at a time, in random order. The slow, blow-by-blow reassembly of the experience that led him here was as powerful as the initial event. He would have done nearly anything to escape it, but just as it had been in the airplane and in the water, he was powerless to stop any of it.

He did succeed in sending his monitor readings off the charts. That, finally, allowed him to break off from the assault as they doped him up to quiet him down and banned visitors for the next few hours.

The drugs set him free and beyond, where he rid himself of the tubes and needles and jumped out the window onto the busy street. Reading the street sign made him smile, and he took off, rounding the corner at a dead run. Shocked pedestrians were clearing the way and lifting their sunglasses to watch him go by. The breeze invaded under the backless gown, and a breathless laugh escaped him at the thought of how he must look from behind. He almost overshot the lobby doors to the apartment, backpedaling and hitting them at full speed again. Home safe!

He danced back and forth hyper-actively, hitting the elevator button over and over to tell it to hurry. When the doors slid open he jumped in, spun and slapped the button to his floor with a flourish. There! It was all autopilot from here on.

Leaning back against the brushed steel interior felt so good, so normal. After a hard day, after a good day, after any day, he loved this ride. Up to the apartment he never thought he'd live in. Up to Yuki's apartment, where they sometimes got mail that mixed up their names as if they were married. Where his few but well-loved possessions shared space with the writer's carefully secluded world.

The ride went on and on, and the secure, happy feeling lasted a long time. The cold against his back faded first, and he stubbornly blamed it on body heat. The numbers that lit to show his progress flickered instead of advancing, so he closed his eyes again. The feeling of rising dissipated. Still, he hung suspended in the moment, hoping.

He eventually had to accept that he wasn't going anywhere,but by then his energy had slowed to a near halt as well. He slid down to the floor and rested his chin on his knees, letting his mind blank out with the false surroundings.

The first rush of the medication was spent, and now he felt the outside word hovering just at the edge of his awareness. The twisting world refused to make itself back into reality now without the accompanying fears and pain. Maybe he wasn't in such a hurry to get back to all that; maybe his mind and body held more secrets he wasn't ready to know just yet. He pulled away from the feedback of his senses and settled into quieter dreamscapes to hide and hope for a better way out.

x


	9. Fallible

Disclaimer as previous

_I promised I'd explain myself, so…Ok, this logic probably has more holes in it than a colander…but humor me a bit more. Ryuichi is indeed larger than life, strong, a force to be reckoned with…when he is performing, wielding authority, or involved in a competition. But the manga/anime also depicts him as childlike, impulsive, naïve and vulnerable when he is out of the spotlight – i.e. when he is playing with crayons drawing his "shiny" Shuichi, and throughout as he is inseparably attached to his stuffed toy. In this situation, I think it is conceivable that he would be struggling to deal with this in his relatively defenseless private persona, especially during the times when there is little he can do to help. You can tell me in a review if you think I'm way off-base or not._

_Thank you very much for reviewing! Now back to the story…_

**Chapter Nine - Fallible**

"He's in bad shape, but he's hanging in there." K sat heavily, watching Ryuichi hover breathlessly. "Ry, are you okay? We can step out for a while; the next visit won't be for two more hours at least."

"His family can't get here," Sakano sighed. "Airplane service from Japan is still suspended. They're going crazy; I just spoke with his mother."

"Tohma should have brought them here with him," K said.

"Give him the benefit of the doubt, K. This was quite a shock, he might not have been thinking clearly." Ever the peacemaker, Sakano defended Tohma. "Maybe he can send his plane back to pick them up now."

"Where'd they go, I wonder?"

"Maybe they got a room together," Ryuichi said sullenly, an odd tone to his voice.

"Not like that, not at a time like this!" Sakano protested, shocked.

"Well, then, why aren't they here?"

"Yuki looked pretty bad, Ry. He's got some medical problems that tend to show up when he's under a lot of stress. And he was here all night. Just let it go, okay? Shu's not in there because of Yuki. There's no one to blame but the people that sabotaged that airplane." K tugged on the hem of Ryuichi's t-shirt and dropped him into the chair.

"I hate this place," Ryuichi's voice cracked, scrubbing his face with Kumagoro. "Hate it hate it hate it."

o0o0o0o0o0o

Yuki drifted in darkness, at once worn out and unbearably tense, fitfully asleep yet aggravatedly aware that this was in an unpleasant time in his existence that was nearly unbearable.

When tension finally won the balance over exhaustion he reared up, not sure for a moment where he was and what was happening.

"Hey, you're awake." Tohma said sympathetically.

"The hell..?" Memory returned in a shot, and Yuki's eyes raked the room for a clock, finding the red digits and scowling. "No! You didn't let me just sleep…"

"It's all right, you weren't asleep that long and I've been calling the hospital to check on him. There's been no real change in Shu's condition. You might as well wait here as to sit in that nasty waiting room dead tired and starving. Speaking of which, I had some food sent up."

"Keep it. You eat it. I'm not hungry."

"No, you need to eat something or your ulcers will flare up and you'll end up in a ward where you can't see Shuichi at all. Is that what you want?" Tohma gave him a genuine, frustrated look. For all of the times he had dealt with Eiri and Shu with ulterior motives in mind, this was not one of them. The situation was too serious for even the calculating corporate magnate to exploit. He was merely here to provide support and see to it that Shuichi's situation was handled the best way possible.

Something of his sincerity pierced the author's resolve and he let out a resigned growl. "Damn it, I hate it when you're right."

"You know I am. Now stay where you are, I'll bring you the tray." The natty blond disappeared from the room, returning moments later with food and a bottle of juice. He perched on the edge of the bed to watch his adored brother-in-law pick at the meal before him, slowly getting a little nourishment in spite of his complete absence of appetite.

Yuki's mind drifted back to the waiting room and his throat closed on the next bite of food. He started to choke, and Tohma jumped up, pounding on his back.

"How long does he have?" Yuki choked. At least he had something he could blame his reddening eyes on.

Seguchi looked confused. "How long? You mean, until he's released?"

"Don't bullshit me. How long do they expect him to live? You made all those phone calls; they must know something by now."

"Eiri, calm down. There's every chance that he'll pull through. No one's written him off yet, not by a long shot."

The writer dropped his chin, clutching his head. "Lies aren't going to help this time, Tohma. God, how could I do that to him? How am I supposed to live with that?" He shoved the food away, rolling off the bed to his unsteady feet.

"Eiri…" Tohma said warningly. "You need some more food and you need a pill."

"I don't have any fucking pills on me, I've spent the last two days in airports and hospitals. I don't even know where the hell my luggage is. So don't…"

"I have some of your medication. I took the liberty of picking some up when I left home, given the situation I thought something like this might come up." He took a tentative hold on Yuki's upper arm. "Sit back down before you fall down."

"Stop it!" Yuki flung the arm off, yelling right in the shorter man's face. "I'm not the person who needs help. I'm not the person who can't even breathe for myself. I'm not the person that got left behind to die while everybody else took off and didn't give a shit!"

And as quickly as his fist clenched and his anger flared, it collapsed. An expression of unbearable pain marred that agonized, handsome face.

"_I _didn't give a shit. I just left him. I was happy when I saw that lost puppy look on his face, glad I wouldn't have to listen to him whine on that long flight. It was my fault they detained him. I gave him something that made the screeners hold him off the flight. I killed him and I was fucking proud of it. I killed another one, Tohma. You shouldn't get so close. You could be next, you know?"

Seguchi watched helplessly as Eiri sank to the floor, a sick smile starting to form.

"Poison. I've always been poison. I tried to tell him. I tried to throw him off, make it tough for him. But he kept coming back. No matter how mean, how cold, he came back. So I finally let him stay. And I let myself want him back. And this is the result."

Tohma hesitantly touched his shoulder, trying to lend some comfort. "Shuichi is going to be fine. And if he hears that you talked like this, he's going to screech in your ear for a month. He's tough, he's young, and he's got excellent care. His condition hasn't worsened since the surgeries; that's a good sign, Eiri, a good sign. You have to stop talking like he's dying. He's going to need you, he'll want to see you. You owe it to him to take care of yourself."

But Yuki was beyond talking for the time being. He dropped his forehead to rest on his knees and closed his eyes, inconsolably shutting out the words.

Tohma cautiously offered the exhausted man a pair of pills and a water bottle, pressing them into his hands without further comment, watching closely until they were swallowed.

Tohma breathed a sigh of relief; he hadn't opened his eyes. If he's seen that they were blue, and not the anemic pink of his stomach pills, there would have been questions.

Slowly the tranquillizers took effect and the man slumped all the way down to the floor. Smaller and no weight lifter, Seguchi knew better than to try and heft the limp body onto the bed, or risk rousing him by removing his clothes. He slipped a pillow under the silent head and covered him with a blanket.

And when Yuki's cell played Bad Luck's latest hit, Tohma answered it, moving into the next room and closing the door.

"Tohma?" asked K. "Where's Eiri?"

"Here in my hotel room," Tohma said tersely. "He was in bad shape so I put him under sedation. He's completely out right now. What's happening?"

"Just…be sure to call before you come back to the waiting room. Right now they're not allowing visitors for a couple of hours. Hiro just got here, we're going to take off for a while. The hospital has my phone and Yuki's in case they need someone right away."

"He's in a hotel room with Tohma?" Hiro snarled, still standing by the doorway. Ryuichi's head jerked up at those words and doubt flashed in his eyes.

"Don't," K chastised. "It's not like that. Come on, let's get out of here for a while."

O0o0o0o

By the time they walked back from a local diner, where they had nursed tasteless root beer floats in numb silence, it was getting late again. When they filed through the door into the waiting room, they were startled to see Eiri slumped against a worried, frustrated Tohma.

"I couldn't talk him out of waiting here, but he really needs to be in bed," Tohma said as K and Sakano came over to talk to him. The writer shifted but showed only dull awareness, worn out from fighting to stay awake.

Hiro bit back an unkind remark and sat in the chairs farthest away from Tohma, back to him. He pulled Ryuichi with him.

"Come on, don't waste your sympathy on that bastard," Hiro hissed. Ryu frowned and sat heavily. He didn't want to be rude to his band mate, but Hiro was so wound up. The other people in the room were being disturbed from their silent vigils already. Even the man with the red hair was fully awake and sitting up alertly.

"Don't make it worse, Hiro," Ryuichi said. "Please." The two men were here, so they weren't doing anything wrong. But somehow, their being here made Hiro angrier? He had to shake his head, nothing made sense anymore.

Hiro put his head in his hands and tried to settle down, regretting his outburst but unable to let go of the tension. It wasn't his usual way to lash out at people, but this was a pretty unusual situation. The whole world was upside down right now, the straightforward direction the trip had been taking them in was irretrievable lost.

They had been barreling into this exciting new adventure full steam. Now, suddenly, no tour, no recordings, none of the side trips they'd had such fun plotting out between appearances. Worst of all, no Shu to brainstorm a "Plan B" with. All the rest of it would be disorienting enough on its own, but this thing with Shuichi was too much. His ability to deal with it varied from minute to minute erratically. The spare composure he'd shared with Ryu was gone long ago.

At least the others had been able go in and see him.

The last time he'd seen Shu, he was dying right in front of his eyes. Nothing else seemed to sink in after that. Hiro longed desperately for some semblance of normality to help him cope.

Life came to a dead stop a few dozen hours ago and stayed there. If it would just get going again, somehow Shu would come along, too, and keep moving away from the brink. The longer they stayed stuck in this ungodly time, the more likely it seemed that Shu might not pull through after all.

Ryuichi put a hand on Hiro's shoulder, and when their eyes met it was far too painful. They leaned against each other then, looking away, lending as much support as they could while withdrawing emotionally to a safer distance.

o0o0o0o0o0o

The world pulsed with music and the crowds gushed love and excitement, the bright spotlights tickling his eyes. Shuichi hammed it up, pouring on the vocals, whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Hiro thrashed his guitar until it wailed unbelievably hot sounds and Suguru worked the keyboard into magical new heights. It was the best performance ever, and Shu's vocals were the highlight. Yuki was in the front row, holding up his hand to make it clear he was still wearing the ring...a dupicate of the ring on Shuichi's finger; bright gold, with an insignia on top that entertwined Shu's initials with Yuki's, with a diamond set flush in the center. 'Forever,' smiled the writer as he mouthed the word, no way that he would ever be heard over the screams of the adoring throng. Shu's voice got even louder, stronger, perfect…everything was grotesquely perfect…it was the moment of a lifetime. He was determined to stay right here, living this dream, as long as possible. Dragging in air to sing the next line, the pain exploded and the stage collapsed, the lights went black, and the crowd and the music fell silent.

_I've been shot, _Shu thought, the pain in his throat ripping his eyes open. _Assassinated._

The people staring down at him were blurry strangers in medical garb, fussing over him, doing painful things. _No, no, no! Let me go back!_

"Stay with us, Mr. Shindou, we need you to stay awake for this now." The voice was businesslike and busy.

Someone was calling out numbers. Hands were tearing tape from his lips. Something in his mouth kept him from talking. More numbers, more prodding. _Stop it! It hurts, you're scaring me!_

"Try to breathe evenly, I realize it may be uncomfortable. Try a slow, deep breath."

Breathing hurt, he didn't want to do it deeply, and he resisted each breath until the urge to draw in air grew painful as well. He was trapped here, forced to comply, and too confused to sort out much more than that. He just wanted this to stop, for these unpleasant people to go away and stop hurting him. The pain was frightening; it shouldn't hurt so much to do something you have to do over and over every minute to survive. What if the pain became too great, what if he couldn't bear to keep it up?

Someone said his name and he tried to focus, but things got swimmy and he started to panic. It was just like…the water. Whatever had happened to him had happened in the water. He almost drowned, he was sure of it.

The terrible pain in his throat went beyond his ability to cope, and the icy fear that he was about to suffocate followed him into a few moments of lost consciousness, broken as a clicking and hissing sound started back up.

The ragged edges of his awareness smoothed with the re-introduction of his painkillers and the resumption of the respirator, and he drifted blankly in pure gratitude for release from the torture.

"Ten minutes and no real problem with function. How did you like his saturation?"

"Levels look good. SPO2 fell just slightly at the end. If he's strong enough tomorrow, I think we should attempt to take him off the apparatus and set him up with just the cannula. I'm not getting much of anything out with the suction anymore. Set up a 2h breathing trial for tomorrow. Let me know how it schedules out."

"The agitation and anxiety were pretty significant. Can't be sure if it's from the trauma or the airway."

"He's been off the charts with that even while the respirator's been going. I say we can't wait to see if that subsides. They're telling me that he has express wishes not to be intubated. No more playing devil's advocate, Bob. Set it up."

"Right, Doctor." Bob pulled the chart and shook his head. It really didn't pay to be too optimistic in this wing, but this little guy seemed to be bucking the odds. The congestion in his lungs had been related to the water he'd gotten in there, not due to a dangerous, potentially deadly MRSA infection as they'd feared. Once the lab test came back this afternoon they'd know for sure, but the fact that his congestion was all but gone virtually eliminated the possibility.

"For an unlucky guy, you're pretty damn lucky." Bob snapped the rubber band back around the chart and dimmed the overhead light, heading out to the operator's desk to call out and update the folks in the waiting room.

x


	10. Frame of Mind

**Disclaimer: As previous**

_It's raining here at the Denver Airport as I sit here on layover. The flight in had what they call "moderate chop", which means the attendants have to stay belted in during the flight. I was starting to wonder if I'd violated some law of karma…but nope, here safe! And hooray for free airport wi-fi!_

_Now on with the story. I have it uber-minimized but hopefully I got the editing right._

**Chapter Ten - Frame of Mind**

"It's a good sign," Tohma said quietly. Even Ryu and Hiro came close to hear the latest news, imparted to Tohma via the waiting room phone. "They had him off of the respiration for more than ten minutes. They think that by tomorrow they might be able to remove it. I took the liberty earlier of explaining to them about his profession, his voice."

"You're serious? " Yuki squinted in concentration. "You're not lying? He's better?"

"Yes. He's a little better. But apparently the time off of the respirator exhausted him. "

"I need to get in there," the blond bolted off the worn upholstery and was out the waiting room door before Tohma could grab him. He was yanking fruitlessly on the secure doors when they reached him.

"Yuki, you have to wait," K said, catching his right elbow. Yuki shook off his hand as Tohma came up with a look of deep concern.

"It won't do you any good to get thrown out of the hospital." K warned. "Get a hold of yourself."

The doors buzzed and began their automatic swing outward, tripped by an orderly rolling out an empty gurney. Yuki stepped back towards the opening and took his chance, spinning on his heel to dart by the bored employee before he had a chance to comprehend someone unauthorized had slipped past.

The scene he burst in on was unremarkable. Shu was as silent and motionless as he had been before.

_Liars! I knew it!_ His mind raged at the thought. False hope. He slid to a stop, hands braced into the bedrail, rattling the bed slightly with the impact.

The nurse stuck her head in the door, then disappeared.

Getting reinforcements, he figured, watching over his shoulder. He wasn't going without a fight.

The nurse and an orderly returned.

"You can't be in with Mr. Shindou if you aren't gloved and gowned," the orderly barked. "If he becomes ill now or gets an infection it could kill him. Don't you dare touch him with those bare hands."

"Then give me the damned gloves and gown. I'm staying." Yuki glared and the staffers pointed him to the cart near the door. He stalked across the room and fixed his most intimidating glare on them both as he suited up. They watched him commandeer the rolling physician's stool and plant himself against the bed in a defiant stance.

The hospital employees eyed him, then one another, then left the room.

Yuki spun and stood up, leaning over Shu and searching his face again for any sign of awareness.

Nothing. But the next time he woke up, Yuki would be the first to know. He wasn't going to budge until then, no matter what.

o0o0o0o

It was too cold and too hot somehow, and the feeling of being on a bed as opposed to in a bed was making him restless. There was an irritating plastic-y rustle that accompanied his every move and there was just enough air blowing from the environmental system to tickle his neck uncomfortably. The too-thin blanket never seemed to cover his shoulders or the ends of his toes and there was an odor that was provoking something unpleasant in his memory that he couldn't quite come up with. The beeping and clicking and hissing were incredibly frustrating to listen to without knowing what they were. His eyes were covered with something, and with his hands restrained he couldn't lift it up to peek out.

The pains in his head and throat were barely tolerable, his lower back ached from the constant pressure of being prone.

He tried to shift, but covered in tubes and pressure cuffs and protruding drains and catheter lines, he was pretty much trapped. When he moved around a little, he discovered that a few comforting touches on his arm and cheek would happen, and once when the hand lingered on the side of his face he thought he smelled something very familiar.

Yuki.

A hand moved the cloth on his eyes and he struggled to bring things into focus, but the sudden infusion of light slammed his eyes shut in reflex. He dully realized that they were tugging tape off of his face again, and then the already agonizing pain in his throat increased. The clicking and hissing gave way to silence and tense voices. His lungs took over unsteadily, and an indeterminate amount of time went by in varying degrees of awareness. He had to make himself breathe, and after a while it would have a hypnotic effect, making him drowsy and distant.

A group of people gathered over Shu and their gloved hands kept after him until his head was tipped back and held fast and he was gagging, arching his sore back in reflex as the long breathing tube was sliding uncomfortably out of his raw throat. Once it was out, they released him, seemingly through hovering. Shuichi's upper body jerked upward and he coughed,; it was a loud, startling wet crack of sound. People made quick movements in reaction.

His aching jaw muscles worked to try and ease the cramping and another, deeper pain emerged.

"Yuki…" he croaked, barely able to hear his own voice.

A hand slipped into his and he shivered with dread as he filled with hope.

"Shu, Shu, I'm here. I'm right here. You're going to be all right."

He couldn't believe his ears and the dread disappeared. He squeezed the hand, well, it was more of a weak grip, but at least he communicated that he didn't want that hand to go away. And it didn't.

"Yu…" his throat betrayed him by grating painfully and refusing to let him talk, launching him into a painful fit of body-shaking coughing.

"You need to be still and be quiet, Mr. Shindou, or we'll have to remove your visitor," an unfamiliar male voice intoned near his head.

"I'm not going anywhere Shu but you need to do what they say. You're banged up pretty bad." Shu could almost smile at the tone in Yuki's voice, controlled anger and defiance mixed with protective warmth. If only he could curl up against that strong, pale chest. But the relief of having Yuki there was even more comforting that he'd expected.

The ability to focus was slow returning; eventually Yuki's shape came into view. Shuichi was losing the battle with exhaustion but he struggled desperately to cling to awareness. Yuki might not be there if he went to sleep and woke up. He couldn't expect the man to sit by him forever. He'd have to go eventually.

The blurry face came close and it seemed that the activity in the room had died away. There were no hands pinching and poking at him, no distracting unfamiliar voices. That infernal clicking and hissing sound had not returned. Everything hurt dully, they had tweaked his pain medication up just a little. He was calm if not comfortable, and able to concentrate on something very important to him.

The familiar eyes that wavered in and out of focus were red-rimmed and weary, and looked right at him with full attention and caring. That look, the purity of that connection, felt as surreal as the dreams that had been confusing him since the crash. He'd just finally resigned himself to the fact that Yuki's unique personality prevented him from showing affection unless it was goal-oriented, like in the bedroom.

If he could have screamed in frustration at the unfairness, he would have. Try as he might to stay in the moment, the last shreds of his energy gave out. Instead of happily drowning in the look in those eyes, his own drooped shut and he faded helplessly into darkness.

From Yuki's point of view the whole thing was a nightmare. After the long, worrisome two hours of testing with the respirator turned off, the medical staff agreed to go ahead with the extubation. They removed the breathing tube and there was some bleeding, and Shu seemed very distressed. The medical people were buzzing around and acting concerned about the readings and saturation percentages and pressures and rates. Shu looked so broken and helpless, and when he spasmed loudly after the tube was removed the swift response by the staff frightened Yuki. Still, he grabbed the hand on the arm not swathed in bandages , selfishly hoping for Shu to acknowledge him. It had been a lifetime since they'd been able to speak, to see one another. It was one-sided now, Yuki constantly looking in and getting nothing back.

Shuichi seemed to respond to the touch and Yuki instinctively gave him a few words of encouragement. He seemed to get a little more agitated. Yuki could only imagine how confusing and frightening it must be for him, and he vowed to stay nearby. Shu's eyes opened and it was obvious he wasn't able to see properly, but the blond hoped he could see that he wasn't alone and understand who was with him.

Shu slipped into blessed sleep again, leaving his lover with his guilty thoughts.

Hanging next to Shu, so close, able to touch him and talk to him…well, at him, really, because he likely heard none of it…was that how Shu experienced their relationship?

Was this how it felt for Shuichi all the time? Always waiting, afraid to turn away in case he missed it, needing the words that stubbornly refused to come?

Because Yuki knew he shut everyone out, including this wildly affectionate young man. He reserved his core, his soul, his true emotions for his own scrutiny alone. He had to. It was how a fucked-up guy like himself made it this far, lived this long. It was bad enough, being damaged goods, without getting any second opinions or unhelpful attempts to fix him from others. The attempts came anyway, but they were just an annoyance for the most part. Without seeing past his shell they were way off-base, easily deflected and quite without effect. Just the way he liked it.

Then came Shuichi. Always getting a little too far in, coming a little too close to seeing the real man/grieving boy inside Yuki running the show. He knew too much, felt too much, gave too much. He kept luring the older man out a step or two at a time, getting closer and further in. It took more and more effort to keep pushing him away. It was a pain, it was painful, it made him think far more than he wanted. But not enough to think about how it must feel from Shu's point of view until now.

This feeling of wanting to see a look or hear a word from someone so badly…to feel desolate and need some act of reassurance when there was a distinct possibility that it would never come…it was so painful and depressing. No wonder he always was the one to love less, to hold the upper hand. This was no position to be in.

Not a position he should have spent years keeping Shu in. It was unthinkable that the pink-haired waif suffered it gladly and rarely broke. He only moved away when seriously pushed and returned promptly when the pushing stopped. He just smiled that frozen smile, through the insults and the rough treatment and the million small rejections.

The author had justifications and excuses galore to ignore the cruelty of it. He wants it, he likes it or he wouldn't stay. He's obnoxious and annoying and he knows he's lucky I'll even speak to him. He's star-struck and deserves a dose of reality. He's lousy in bed and no one else would put up with him. He's too flamboyant and loud to take seriously. Take your pick.

But the truth was, he was getting too close and had to be pushed back.

He was pushed back pretty effectively this time, all right.

Almost permanently.

And that was so not what Yuki wanted after all.

It opened his jaded eyes.

x


	11. Feelings

Disclaimer as previous

_Sorry to sound like a broken record, but I do very much appreciate your reviews! Now on the the next chapter..._

**Chapter Eleven - Feelings**

"Shuichi…shhh…be still. You'll damage your stitches. It's okay, I'm here for you. Look at me, Shu. That's right. Look at me, I'm not going to lie to you. You're all right." He held the deeply bruised chin gently to guide the eyes in the right direction. Stitches, staples and some kind of medical super glue were holding a great many injured areas together; at least the majority of the invasive procedures were done and now the watching and healing stage could begin.

Shuichi came to in a struggle this time, and Yuki was there, right there, _still _there. Shu was getting a little continuity to his conscious periods, and when he woke up this time it was with the memory that Yuki had been there before and Shu had passed out or fallen asleep, it didn't matter which, what mattered was that he'd broken the spell and was frantic to connect with his love again but terrified that it had been a dream, or that he was still lost at sea and hallucinating, or that Yuki was gone, or…

"Calm for me, Shu, please, you'll hurt yourself."

The ragged breathing of panic caught and then began to slow. That familiar, handsome face, with worried darkened circles under the watchful eyes, gradually sharpened into a nearly-normal focus for the cringing singer.

"That's it, that's getting better." a strong gloved hand was rubbing his shoulder now, the other still gently cupping his chin.

Yuki looked down at the glassy, pained eyes and it stung his own sharply. There were more times than he could count where he'd said something cruel or done something mean and that look had been there. It was a matter of degree, but it was the same look. Shu was an open book - admittedly not a cerebral classic tome, more like a crazy, twisted manga - but an open book nonetheless. What you saw, you got, and he gave it all, every day, without reserve. And when you hurt him it showed. It was…instant gratification for a hard soul like himself. Cause and effect. Instant deep emotion, evidence that he meant so much to the pink-haired hellion with risking his own feelings at all.

But somehow it happened and Yuki was taking that risk anyway. It was too late, his guts were all over the place. He was undone, and, thank heavens - Shu was still alive to share it with.

He held a straw to the shaky lips and held his breath until the monumental effort of getting that bare sip of water safely swallowed was over, and he set the cup aside.

Shu mouthed his name, he could tell, but the breath to make the sound was caught in the pale throat.

"It's okay, I know, maybe you shouldn't talk right now." He took his thumb and soothed the eyebrows that knit in unhappiness at not being able to speak. "I hope you know I've been…we've _all_ been here trying to make sure you're all right. For a while there we were really worried about you. But you're going to be okay. The only thing that matters now is that you need to save your strength to get better."

_Stop beating around the bush. Say it. Tell him. Tell him so that he understands. He's doing much better, but he's still so very ill…what if he takes a turn for the worse? And you never told him?_

Eiri was a lot of things, but a coward really wasn't one of them. Now that he knew what needed to be said, he took a deep breath and stepped straight into completely unfamiliar and treacherous territory, just hoping to express his truths clearly and honestly. Looking into Shuichi's eyes drew him forward and he let it be, without resisting. Deep inside, Eiri had always known that Shu wanted to hear how he truly felt about him. But until now he had been blind to the fact that he didn't just want to hear it; he truly needed it.

"I'm really sorry, Shu. I know I should have told you this long ago; I always thought that being together was enough, that the words would just commit us to taking on certain roles…or that they might create complicated expectations. But it has to be said, because I don't want you to have any doubt about this. It's simple fact, now that I think about it."

The amethyst eyes were watching, unblinking, concentrating on absorbing the words. He'd never been more vulnerable and insecure, and Yuki felt like his lifeline. He needed him to be here, to keep talking to him, and give him something to hold on to. What was he saying? It was hard to follow, it was very serious and it was about their relationship. And he seemed so different; fear started to stiffen Shu's whole body. There was a brief uncomfortable pause, as Yuki smiled sadly and took a deep breath, letting it out with a quiet sigh. Waiting for the next words, Shuichi's heart clenched with a flash of panic that he was about to be abandoned.

"I love you, Shuichi. You drive me crazy but you're the only thing that makes me feel alive and I don't know what I'd do without you. I can't wait for you to get better so I can take you home and hold you again. We've got this second chance, and I know I haven't done a good job with the first one…just be patient with me a while longer." Why those words were so painful and difficult to say, Yuki wasn't quite sure. Maybe it was because he nearly missed the chance to say them while Shuichi was still alive to hear them. Or guilt over holding them back for so long. It seemed like it should have been a relief to get them out, but until he could see that they made Shu feel better, they just added to the general distress of the whole situation.

The startling words echoed in his ears, a shock to his system. Shu's eyes were brimming and he didn't seem to remember how to blink, the tears overflowing and rolling into his ears unnoticed. He couldn't really be hearing this…could he? The words he waited for and wanted so badly meant that most likely he was dreaming or hearing things; was Yuki even really there? No, no, he was sure, he was so sure he was awake, and that this was somehow real. Everything in the room was wavering a bit as the pain in his head increased, the walls and equipment in his peripheral vision looming too big and ready to fall in on him, and these wonderful words were disorienting and unfamiliar.

"Oh, Shu, don't cry, it's all right…" Yuki moved away and Shu gasped in alarm at his disappearance, causing a short, painful coughing fit.

"Shhh, easy, just getting tissues, see, here…hold still…What is it, Shu? What's…"

The door whispered open and Hiro came in quietly, stepping up faster when he saw that face starting to crumble into tears.

"Shuichi, oh, man…" Hiro looked nearly as pained as his injured friend. "Oh, hang on, buddy, hang on. Yuki's been here, he's been here just waiting for you to wake up…K and Sakano and Ryuichi, too, we've been here sending you good vibes. Does it hurt, Shu? Is that why you're crying?"

The physical pain was indeed bothering him a great deal. But it was the emotional pain and pressure that had built up to the point where there was no stopping the tears yet, no deep enough comfort…Yuki's words tore open a wound he had sealed away deeply so many times. Before it could feel good, before he could believe it enough to take comfort in it, it had to penetrate all the layers of defense wounds and dashed hopes and broken dreams to get to the part of his soul that was still viable and capable of receiving it. Open up one more time. It's not a sucker punch this time - even though it was the last hundred. Drop your guard again, this time he won't hurt you. But Shu wasn't in a position to open up, he was terrified and confused, and what should have been comforting was blowing apart what little normalcy he'd been clinging to.

His shoulders began to shake as his crying got louder, and Yuki and Hiro shared a look of real worry. A nurse came in, checking the monitors, eyeing the men, trying to talk to the distraught patient.

"Are you having a lot of pain. Mr. Shindou?" she asked in an overly loud voice. He couldn't answer. Hell yes he was in terrible pain…but that wasn't the question, was it? The confusing thing was…here Yuki spoke the words he longed to hear…and it felt like it was destroying him. He battled in his own mind, and in spite of all the turmoil, if those words were true it was worth this feeling of being dragged through broken glass. If only he could get his bearings and brace himself somehow, get his head clear enough to help his heart deal with it all. But for now the only thing for it was the release of pressure in the form of tears, and he was powerless to stop or get a hold on himself.

Warmth began to spread up his arm, across his frail chest, down his extremities. It crept up his neck, and the crying slowed; the pain gripping his heart dulled. The feeling of being wound up out of control wilted down into a feeling of being weighted down too heavily to move or think.

A few more tears leaked from his eyes as his long lashes fluttered shut and the pain muted away into the soft silence of sleep.

The look on Yuki's face was so helpless and pained Hiro set aside his prejudices against the man for the moment and put a hand on his shoulder in support. He wasn't really sure it would be welcome, but the blond leaned into him and bowed his head, and they stood together, steadying one another, for a few moments. The only sounds in the room were Shuichi's uneven breathing and the occasional creak of the nurse's support shoes on the tired linoleum floor as she checked and adjusted tubes and monitors.

"Was he like that the whole time he was awake?" Hiro asked in a hushed voice, finally breaking the silence. They pulled away from each other, slightly self-conscious, and the nurse came around the bed and faced them.

"He'll be out for a while. Only stay if you can remain calm and quiet. He needs to rest." She gave them a warning look and went to the waste bin by the door, toeing the pedal to raise the lid and snapping off the gloves with a quick, practiced move. "I mean it. It would be better if you wait out there." The door fell shut with a quiet thump behind her.

"He was out of it at first," whispered Yuki. "Seemed like the more awake he got, the worse it was for him."

"Damn." Hiro sighed. They moved to the bedside. Shuichi's face was slack and expressionless. "It hasn't been that long. Maybe he needs time, that's all. He'll be all right."

"Yeah." Yuki raked his fingers through his hair, suddenly running out of momentum. "He just…I know Shu. It's not just physical pain."

Hiro nodded. "That's kind of what I thought when I saw him."

"Has to be traumatic, what with the crash and nearly drowning. All those bodies…and he was…" Yuki couldn't finish the sentence. All alone. He went through it all alone.

"Are they going to have somebody, you know, help him with that?"

"A shrink?" Yuki's brow creased. "Everything I've heard has been centered around keeping him alive. I don't think they've gotten that far yet. I'll bring it up with them, now that you mentioned it. But…that's part of the reason that I don't want to leave him alone, he needs me here."

The blond had circles under his eyes and a pallor far worse than any tobacco-hazed hangover Hiro had ever witnessed. The slight tremor of the graceful hands and the twitch that pulled at that handsome mouth were worrisome. Shu was in deep trouble, but this man was no stranger to mental trauma himself. The stress was painfully evident.

"Eiri, he'll be out for a while. You should grab some rest now so you'll be alert when he wakes up. I can stay and let you know when he does. So far they seem to have given up on trying to throw us out."

Yuki agreed reluctantly, still hesitant to move away.

"Do me a favor and send K in for a minute. Look, it's all right. If he wakes up I'll let him know you're still right here."

Yuki gave Shu a last look, resisting the urge to touch him for fear of disturbing his rest. They'd kept their voices low, and the pathetic figure on the sterile bed had been motionless throughout.

With a grateful nod to Hiro, he stripped off the gown and shot the gloves into the trash in a near-perfect imitation of the nurse.

He was startled by the man standing in his way as he tried to exit the hallway. At first, he moved to the right, then to the left, to move past the red-headed figure in the dark suit. His tired mind slowly absorbed the fact that his path was being blocked.

"Mr. Uesugi. I need to have a word with you." It was not a request.

Worried that this was bad news about Shu, Eiri followed him anxiously to a small room outside the ICU corridor.

When the man showed him his I.D., the world took another unexpected turn.

x


	12. Federal Case

Disclaimer as previous

_Sorry, long chapter, try to stay awake...I do promise not to drag this fic out forever. Even if it _feels_ like forever, it won't be. Thank you for the reviews (and, ahem, the spoiler - Capricorn2645 - whose name I will not mention_XD_)._

**Chapter Twelve – Federal Case**

The mottled hand smoothed the form out in front of him and a pen was laid on top.

"If you'd like, you can fill out this form with your personal data, and then sign here – it states that the information that you're giving me here today is true and correct to the best of your knowledge under penalty of perjury." Pale blue eyes met Yuki's brighter ones. The riot of red freckles that were a near match to his hair seemed whimsical, in stark contrast to the man's grimly serious demeanor.

"Like? Hell no, I wouldn't 'like' to. What's the meaning of this?"

"Your participation is strictly voluntary at this point, Mr. Uesugi, but keep in mind that information we receive from you may make it easier for Mr. Shindou when we conduct his interview. We're still in the information-gathering stage of the investigation, and until we can confirm whether or not any of the terrorists are still at large we're rather anxious to speak with him and see just exactly what he can remember."

"Look, uh…"

"Agent Ramage."

"Yeah. Agent Ramage, Shuichi's in no shape to be interviewed yet. I don't think he can take it."

"I understand your concern. We have a pretty big issue to address here, Mr. Uesugi, so I can't say one way or the other how the investigation will progress. But any help, any information you can give us that might aid this investigation, has the potential to make Mr. Shindou's interview less urgent." He motioned to the paper. "By the same token, your refusal to cooperate would make it that much more important to talk to him right away."

Eiri thumbed the skin under his lower lip hard, grimacing in reluctance. Something about this guy was making his sixth sense light up in warning. He'd seen him somewhere around here before - he was fairly certain of it.

"Can I see your I.D. again?" Not that he'd have any ability to judge if it was fake or not, but the guy might not know that.

"Certainly. And I can provide you with my unique identifier and a number you can call at the Agency to verify my identity and position." He flipped out the leather case and let Eiri see, but not touch, his official identification. The bureaucratic crap the guy just spouted sounded too dull for anyone but a real government employee. A faker would color it up a little more creatively than that.

"All right, I guess you're for real. If you're sure this will take some of the burden off Shu." He took the form and jotted his name, address, phone…workplace, hah, that was sort of an "N/A" there….birth date…birth place...religion? How odd…organizations and affiliations…hm, Writer's Guild of Japan…JASRAC…ASCAP…

He finished the form and signed with an impatient flourish.

Then Ramage handed him another sheet marked "Datalist B-101 2242". "Go over this list carefully, please. Mark any names that you know by circling that name. Any names you think might be familiar, even if you're not sure, make with an "X"."

Yuki scanned the list. He circled Shindou Shuichi. Nothing else rang any bells.

"None of the other names looked familiar?"

His eyes flicked back and forth again, scanning the names one more time. "No. Just Shu's."

"I see. Let me remind you, Mr. Uesugi, that you've signed a statement that your answers are true and correct under penalty of perjury. You are aware of the nature of that statement?"

"What, you think I'm not telling you something? Why the hell would I?"

"That wasn't an accusation. I just have to confirm that you understand what you're expected to do here."

"Oh, I get it, believe me. Are we done?"

"Hm. No, I'm afraid we've a bit more to go over." Ramage wore an insincere look of regret behind the wealth of freckles. "Now take a look at this list. Follow the same procedures, please."

Hm. He marked Nakano, Uesugi, Sakano, Winchester, Shindou again for some reason…and Fujisaki Suguru?

"Suguru didn't make the flight."

"Neither did Mr. Shindou. It's all right, this list includes no-shows and redeployed passengers. I just need you to make sure you mark anyone that looks familiar."

The writer nodded and finished his mark-up.

"Thank you. I'm going to go ahead and start up the voice recorder now that we've dealt with the written element of the interview." He raised his rusty eyebrows encouragingly.

"Hey, hold on. You're going to record this?"

"Yes…that isn't a problem, is it?"

Eiri frowned, then let it go. He just wanted to get this the hell over with. "No, let's get on with it."

Ramage clicked on the digital recorder. "I need to take this opportunity to remind you that the sworn statement that you have signed applies to verbal responses to questions as well. Do you understand?"

"I said I did."

"Please answer yes or no for the recording."

"Yes." Yuki's irritation was beginning to show in his voice.

"Thank you." Ramage regarded him coolly, his voice even. "I would think that you'd want to cooperate, so that we can punish the people responsible for Mr. Shindou's injuries."

"I think I've cooperated. Those names are the only ones I recognize."

"I see. It seems odd, the change in flight."

"It's not like we planned it. There was a misunderstanding at the gate."

"A misunderstanding. In truth, wasn't Mr. Shindou removed from the boarding process due to the discovery of a violation? Wasn't he removed due to suspicion over an undeclared substance hidden on his person?"

"Oh, please," Yuki snorted. "It was moisturizer, in a tiny tube. Less than that two or four ounce limit, whatever it is. If it had gone through the screening in the plastic baggie it would have been perfectly fine if he put it right back in his pocket. He just forgot it was in his pocket, that's all. I gave it to him at the last minute. I didn't think to remind him to put it through in the bag."

"You gave it to him? Do you know what became of it after he went through the final release from airport security?"

"I…I don't know, who cared at that point? Why is this important? It's not like he could have used it to…" Yuki's voice faltered in disbelief. "to…blow up the plane." The weight of realization hit him hard. They were suspicious of Shuichi?

"I see. And you never heard of any other name on this list other than Mr. Shindou's."

"R-right. None. Never."

"Ah ha. Let the record show that Mr. Uesugi is referring to the list captioned "Datalist B-101 2242". Mr. Uesugi, take another look at this name. Read it out loud."

"Sakahoshi Zo. Don't know it."

"You're certain."

"Yes, damn it."

Ramage fished in his folder and pulled out a five by seven color photo. He laid it on the table like it was a royal flush.

"For the record, displaying image SZ dash 2242 dash oh eight. Mr. Uesugi, who is this person?"

"I have no clue. I've never seen her before." The dark, almond-shaped eyes had a cold look. Below her chin, the mug shot information board had been digitally blurred out .

"Not a friend of Mr. Shindou's? An acquaintance, perhaps?"

"No, not that I know of. I said I've never seen her. I haven't."

"He was seen speaking with her more than once. They appeared to know one another."

"Look, Shuichi and I have known each another for a while, but not forever. I guess it's possible he knows her, but I don't. Maybe he knows her, maybe he doesn't. I have no idea. Who the hell is she?"

Ramage ignored his question.

"Did Mr. Shindou do anything unusual prior to the flight? Anything that might have indicated that he was making final arrangements, that he might not be returning, or that there might be some chance that his flight would not arrive safely?"

"That's kind of ridiculous. Shu's not clairvoyant, he's barely aware of his surroundings most of the time."

"Why was there a helicopter and a boat on standby awaiting your arrival, Mr. Uesugi? Doesn't that seem a bit unusual?"

"What? Well, they weren't…they weren't waiting for us, not like that…K called and arranged for them after we sat in at the news conference at the airport. After. You're making these wild implications, it's a bunch of crap. If we knew about the wreck beforehand I sure as hell wouldn't have let Shuichi get on that plane."

"But would you have reported it?"

"You…what the hell, I don't know, how would I even know something like that? I mean, if I knew, of course I'd try to tell somebody…why are we playing this game? None of us knew, that's why Shu's all busted up in there."

"Fine. I need to remind you that your answers need to be clear and accurate. The repercussions for making false or misleading statements in a situation like this can be very serious for everyone involved." Ramage flicked the pen to jot a note in his spiral memo book.

"Everything I've told you is the truth. And if Shu knew that woman – which I doubt – it's news to me. He's a well-known celebrity and total strangers, all kinds of wierd people, come up and talk to him all the time, and he's too damn naïve to ignore them."

"Fine. Let's move on. The purpose of your visit to the United States?"

Another hour ticked by before the redheaded bulldog let Yuki go.

"I think we're finally finished here. Be sure to let me know if you think of anything that might be of interest. Or if your memory suddenly finds itself improving."

Yuki pushed out the door, actively seeking air not shared by that annoying asshole. Yet another figure stood in this hallway – K, waiting his turn.

The tall marksman shrugged, casually leaning against the wall of the corridor with his arms folded - but an unusual tension stiffened his expression.

Seeing K worried made Yuki worry even more.

o0o0o0o0o

"Looks good. Very good. He's made some excellent progress. We might be able to transfer him into a regular room in a day or two, if he keeps improving." The neurologist tucked his penlight back in his pocket. Shuichi's eyes, properly reactive to the light but woefully tearful and quivery, blinked as his breathing came fast and shallow.

"Try and relax, Mr. Shindou, you need to start settling down. We'll see about getting you moved, that might make you feel better, hm?" He spoke in a raised, deliberate voice. "You're doing well. I see from the orthopedics' notes that the second…no, it's been three hasn't it? That third surgery on your arm made quite a bit more headway. Can you move those fingers for me?"

The fingers protruding from the white wraps twitched. The doctor nodded, tucking away his pad.

"Outstanding. Well. I'll be back to check in on you tomorrow and maybe we can get you moved."

The doctor nodded to Yuki and K, disappearing into the traffic in the unusually busy hallway.

"M-move?" Shuichi's strained, panicked voice asked and a tear spilt over his puffy lower eyelid. "Where?"

Yuki went to him quickly and snapped down the bed rail, sliding to sit on the side of the bed and taking him into his arms in spite of the still-prevalent array of attachments. Over the last few days he'd figured this out, and it helped them both immensely.

"It's all right, it's just a move to another room. A nicer room, with a window to look out. And Sakano and Hiro and Ryuichi can just come in and visit without all the restrictions." The pink hair still shook perceptibly, and he stroked it comfortingly. "Change can be scary, Shu-chan, I know. I know."

"All done?" Shuichi asked pleadingly, trying to hold up his tightly wrapped arm.

"It's all right." Yuki hedged the question. Shu was starting to have panic attacks as each new surgery was scheduled. The arm wasn't even close to being finished; at least two more procedures were projected. He'd been told about the operations on several different occasions, but it was one of the things he couldn't seem to remember for more than a few minutes.

"Maybe the new doctor will help you feel more comfortable, Shu," K said quietly, reminding him so he wouldn't be worried by the new face. "This is someone you can talk to who knows how to help people who have been in bad accidents. Just talk. This doctor won't do anything to hurt you."

"That's right," Eiri said, gently playing with strands of soft hair. "It'll just make you feel better."

Shuichi turned away as far as his limited motion would allow and pulled up his good arm in unconscious defense across his thin chest, dragging the tubes and wires in a tangle.

"Easy, Shu…do you want me to let you go now?" It was so odd, the man never wanted any space before, and now he got wound up and defensive sometimes when the author stayed too close for any length of time.

"Uh, no…" Shu squirmed and sighed, uncomfortable and nervous, wanting comfort but feeling claustrophobic. Everything hurt; anything that didn't hurt a lot itched, and anything that didn't hurt or itch a lot was either too hot, too cold or twitchy from immobility. He moved again, restless and worried, afraid of driving Yuki and K away.

Efforts to distract him were getting nowhere when a light knock at the door heralded the entrance of the trauma psychologist, and after greetings all around, K and Yuki left. Shu had tried to hang on to Yuki but the doctor wanted to see him alone. The last they saw of Shu he was shaking like a leaf.

The two men dropped onto the waiting room chairs, slumping from the release of pressure.

K flipped open his cell and called up Ryuichi to give the latest report.

"Well, the good news is that he's looking stronger every day," K said, trying to spin it optimistically.

"Physically," Yuki sighed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and rubbing his forehead.

"It hasn't been that long since it happened, he needs a lot more time to work through this. You saw it yourself, not only did he have the terrible experience of the crash, he had to float around out there in dead body soup until he couldn't hold on anymore. He'd lost hold and gone under by the time I got to him. The only part of dying he didn't get around to was actually losing his life. God, I'm still having nightmares. I don't know if any of us are ever going to be the same." K looked up at the other man, shaking his head. "It hit you pretty hard, too, if you'd take the time to admit it. You've been so busy taking care of him it hasn't caught up with you yet."

"That feeling," Yuki said darkly, not lifting his head from his hands. "when they stopped us. We had injured people, we couldn't just…and all the dead…and then, damn it, then we couldn't get back out to look for Shu, and the helicopters and the cameras in our faces were making it impossible to do anything. Just the knowledge that we couldn't get back out, we were desperate, we had to go find him, but then they confiscated the boat, used the injured people we'd picked up as an excuse. I know that we couldn't just let those people die. But then it was like choosing their lives over his. Like we'd made a choice and it was a mistake, the biggest fucking mistake ever."

"But we all got him. It was teamwork. If you two hadn't been on shore drawing the news choppers and the attention, they would have been in my way, and it was just the edge of our downdraft that pushed Shu under. If one of those news choppers passed low over him first, he'd have been under and we might never have seen him. It worked out." K's jaw slacked, out of steam for any more placating.

"Thanks, K." Yuki grimaced. "I just wish I could have been there to help pull him out, that's all. He had to be terrified."

"He was unconscious, he had no idea who was pulling him out. He was barely breathing." K said grimly.

Yuki nodded. That was more than he really wanted to hear at the moment.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, lost in their individual thoughts.

"K?"

The marksman looked up questioningly.

"You heard anything from that Ramage guy?" Yuki's eyes showed the weight of his worry.

"No. Nothing since the interview. I'd tell you not to worry about it, but you just never know with guys like that. All we can do is wait and see. I can't see where there's anything suspicious about Shu except that he talks to strangers. I sent Ramage all the documentation I could lay my hands on to show our timeframe on getting the chopper and the boat. I mean, shit, we were in an airport in plain sight. I'd wager there's not a square inch that isn't monitored and taped. They'll probably check my cell phone record, they can…"

"He should have done all that before he came down here pointing fingers. What the hell are those people thinking? Isn't it bad enough with everything going on? And did you see the Star Press? Why the hell doesn't he do something about that?" Yuki glared and clenched his hands together.

"You have to realize that these guys don't get points for eliminating innocent people from the list, they get evaluated on how many guilty parties they can jack up. He's not going to be digging for anything but proof of guilt, and he's not going to write us off the list unless we're so obviously innocent it would be an embarrassment not to. " He pulled absently at his ponytail, a giveaway that he was stressed about the scrutiny as well. "What's that about the Star Press?"

"I saw it on one of those entertainment shows on the TV over there. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but from what I saw they were showing the front page of the Star Press because it had 'exclusive photos' of Shuichi on the deck of the rescue boat and in the ICU."

"Son of a bitch."

"It looked like the other ICU. Maybe they have a harder time getting in here; I sure hope so. If they go piling into his room taking pictures it'll scare him to death," Yuki said. "If I catch any of them, they'll never take another picture again."

"Something else to watch out for and worry about. Kick my ass for wishing there was something to do besides sitting around waiting."

Another ten minutes rolled by, and K spotted the psychologist walking by the waiting room windows, moving casually off down the hallway in the direction of the elevators.

"I guess he's not supposed to tell us how it went," K said, nodding at the disappearing figure.

"Let's go back in." Yuki picked up the phone and made his request. He frowned deeply.

"Why? Why so long, is he all right?"

K perked up, listening.

"That's too long. At least let me see him for a minute first." There was a pause, and then the novelist was gritting his teeth. "A minute, though. Look, I just want to make sure he's okay with this. He's not in prison, you know. He might have…what? No, I'm fine with it if he is. I j…look, I'm asking nicely. And if he's fine I'll go, come on. Come on, there's no…yes. Right now. Yes. Okay." Yuki resisted the urge to throw the phone across the room and hung up the receiver instead. "Damn them."

"What's up?" K asked.

"No more visitors until tomorrow, and they're enforcing it. I just need to go in for a minute and make sure he's okay with it, let him know I'll be back first thing."

K nodded. "I guess I better wait out here. You staying with Tohma again, or coming back with me?"

"Gotta go," Yuki pulled open the door. "Be back in a minute."

Even though it was just for a minute, Yuki settled a gown on his well-built frame and wriggled fingers into the gloves before approaching Shuichi. The figure on the bed was very still, and he crept up slowly.

He seemed very relaxed, to Yuki's relief. Shu had been so agitated all day.

He reached the side of the bed Shu was facing and saw the glassy eyes pull open slowly, and a heavy breath heaved from the parted lips.

"Yuuu…" he murmured thickly, eyes drooping shut.

"Shhh, it's all right. I just wanted to tell you to get some rest, okay? I love you, Shu." Yuki leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead, hoping he wasn't getting too many germs on him and the singer gave a rumbling sigh. He watched for just a minute, comforted by the soft, untroubled look Shu was wearing as he apparently drifted into sleep. Keeping his word, the tall blonde moved back to the doorway, stripped off the gown and gloves, and made his way back out.

K was still there waiting.

Yuki nodded. "It's good. Looks like he finally got some decent sedation. He looks peaceful"

"So, back to it - coming with me, or heading back to Tohma's?"

Now, that was unexpected. Eiri looked…lost.

"I think I'll just stay here again," he said finally.

"That's ridiculous. Come on, come back with me to Sakuma's, there's plenty of room. I'll find you a spot where you can get a little peace and quiet. I know it's normally pretty noisy with these guys, but it's not like that right now, believe me. "

"Eh. They aren't exactly my fan club."

"No, but they have been impressed with the way you've been helping Shu."

"Now, see," Yuki bristled, "That's it exactly. I don't give a shit if their opinion of what I'm doing is good or bad. It's not for them to judge."

"They just get overprotective."

"Yeah, well…" Yuki sat back and crossed his arms. "That's their thing. Staying away from them is my thing."

K took a long look. No, that chiseled jaw was set, and the tired eyes glinted in defiance. Time to fold.

"You're a grown man, Eiri. I'm going. If you change your mind just call and we'll send the car." K gave him a pat on the shoulder and left.

Eiri slumped down in the seat, stomach empty and burning. He should have taken some of his prescription medicine with him when he left Tohma's. It was the pressure, so much damn pressure, from worrying about Shu, and the thought of what the agent might do, and if the paparazzi might start invading, and how the hell he could expect to get Shu home if he was too afraid to fly again. It was exhausting to be worried and angry and afraid every waking minute. He closed his eyes, just to rest them, and hung there on the edge of sleep.

A slight brunette woman sitting halfway across the room was finishing the rather lengthy item she had been inputting with lighting-fast thumbs on her Palm device. Another lone woman, in the chairs against the far wall, was sipping a can of soda and eating something from her purse. The room was empty otherwise, so silent the bare mumblings of the TV were detectable.

Tohma walked into the waiting room fifteen minutes later, rousing Yuki into looking up in reflex at the sound of the door.

"K called you?"

Tohma nodded. No use pretending. "Let's go. "

Eiri looked at him for a moment. Tohma's expression was the same as always, full of the barely concealed affection that complicated everything. But Tohma had been nothing but helpful and deferential; he'd retrieved his luggage from Ryuichi's, made sure he had his medicine, and switched to a two-bedroom suite to avoid any conflicts or discomfort over the arrangement. He truly was just being supportive, irrespective of how that did or did not line up with his personal desires. Eiri did like his brother-in-law very much, and he was grateful for the help, although he'd been venting at him instead of thanking him far too often.

"Thanks, Toh," he managed a little smile.

The smaller man rested a hand on Eiri's lower back and let him set the pace after they passed through the door, hoping to see a little more of the tension easing up after so many unbearable days.

The brunette peered after them. As soon as they cleared the hallway, she worked the Treo and forwarded her document. It took a while for the file to transmit, this was ten times more transcription than the last time. The men were usually pretty quiet. That tiny keyboard and screen were a pain in the ass with this amount of data. Next time she'd lug in the laptop.

They didn't sound like they were going to pan out as the guilty parties so far. That suited her just fine; she was a big fan of the Yuki Eiri novels. But Shindou, and by association, Uesugi, were still at the top of the living suspect list, though.They hadn't been pushed hard enough yet to really say conclusively one way or the other. She used the voice service and when the other end clicked into life, she smiled.

"Hey, Rambo, pull up your messages. I just sent the latest. Gotta go, I was off forty-five minutes ago. Nope, I'm topped out on comp time and I'm not doing any more freebies. Yeah, yeah, tell someone who cares. See ya."

She dropped the device into her messenger bag and skipped the phony phone call to pretend to let the operator know she was leaving. The other woman in the room had gone to the bathroom, and there was no one left in the room to put on a show for.

x


	13. Forcing the Issue

Disclaimer as previous

_Thank you for the reviews! At this rate we'll be done before you know it..._

**Chapter 13 – Forcing the Issue**

Yuki walked ahead of Tohma to the elevator with heavy steps. At least Shuichi was resting comfortably, presumably until tomorrow morning. Of everything that was going wrong, the things that went wrong for Shu were the worst.

And it probably was true that he should behave a little more responsibly. Yuki was needed, and he had a reason, for once, to take care of himself. Not for his own needs, which he tended to deny anyway, often to the point of becoming unhealthy; and not for the selfish needs of others who just wanted a piece of him. No, this was for someone who really depended on him now. Someone who deserved to be cared for and not saddled with his cruel defenses and instability.

He hadn't even had what he considered a descent reason to _want _to be sane and reliable before. He might not be any better at it yet, but the difference in motivation and attitude felt liberating already. It was a novelty to be able to act without inner conflict, to have what he should be doing align with what he wanted and intended to do.

Even when he was helplessly needy, Shu now seemed to be changing Yuki's life for the better.

Damned if he would let these lessons go unlearned.

o0o0o0o

The next morning, Enforcement Agent Alan "Rambo" Ramage was having a lousy day from the very start. First the G-car's temperature gauge flew into the red when he was on the freeway and he ended up stranded against the median wall, sweating the hordes of traffic flying past with far too little room to get by him. Then they dispatched a tow truck that didn't take the government credit card, forcing him to pay cash, which technically made it an "improperly funded transaction"; translated into civilian language, that meant he was going to get written up for a procurement violation, and he was probably going to be filling out paperwork for the next fifteen years until he retired to get his hundred and twenty bucks back. Now, with the agency car in the shop, he had to use his own automobile – which, to a degree, exposed his personal motor vehicle information to the potential terrorists if they cared to observe him getting into his car. It was unprofessional and it rankled him in spite of the fact he didn't actually feel threatened by his current suspects.

All that – all that hassle – to get to the hospital far later in the morning than he had planned, only to find out that the doctor had not set up the interview as requested. He was slightly less than professional as he groused at the doctor in the hallway, pointing at his folder. "It was submitted yesterday, Doctor. Need I remind you of your legal obligations here?"

"The patient's well being takes priority, Agent. His physician ordered the sedative again this morning."

"And what are you, his waitress?"

"He has quite a number of doctors working with him," bristled the gangly neurologist. "It's just my poor luck that you keep getting me when you're here. The doctor who prescribed the sedative is a trauma psychologist."

Ramage's white-lashed eyelids narrowed. "This is a very serious matter. Get me a time, then. I need to talk to him, preferably yesterday. It's your name on the paperwork, Doc, so like it or not, you need to make this happen."

"He's in no shape. Anything you get out of him will likely be at a grave personal cost. But my hands are tied. You have your interview warrant. I'll get a text to you with the date and time. I'm not overriding his medication orders without a consultation, so I doubt it will be today. "

"Smart man, now you're getting it. He might have a lot more to say than you think. Set it up, and no excuses this time." Ramage gripped his briefcase hard and stalked off in annoyance. Doctors always seemed to think they were exempt from the normal rules of conduct. They made you wait for an hour when you had an appointment, they changed schedules on you at will, they tried to one-up you at taking control over patient interviews…how he hated having subjects of interest in the hospital. The only advantage to having a subject hospitalized was that you didn't have to track down their whereabouts. Well, that and it made for convenient monitoring of their visitors' conversations in the waiting room. That was a bonus that was hard to come by anywhere else.

Not that this was going anywhere yet. The damned kid was squeaky clean, considering his profession. Not even a drug pop or a shoplifting charge, and his known associates were just the alumni from his old high school beyond his work associates and his squeeze. Like a little Mr. Clean.

But, the jaded investigator had his assignment, and until he got the chance to wring every last answer of the guy, it was one more thing clogging his inventory. And interviews were his absolute favorite part of the job. The one place he had plenty of elbow room to flex the authority and latitude of his position.

With the transition from the hospital to the parking lot as a reminder, he promptly shifted gears and whipped out his cell phone to contact the boss and find out just how much time he was going to have to waste following up on the G-car issue.

o0o0o0o

Dr. Franklin watch Ramage leave, waiting until the door fell closed. He went to the nurse's station and tapped on the tall counter. "Get Dr. Duprey on the line for me, will you? I need to have a word with him."

He couldn't stop the investigator from having his interview, but he could try to arrange it so that the psychologist would be there for support. He was only thinking of his patient's well being; that, along with the imminent need for the room. There were two more people waiting in the ground floor ICU to transfer up as it was. A setback could delay the move to a regular room.

And he very much wanted to have the peace maintained here. Mr. Shindou was growing more capable of speech every day, and the level of distress this would cause might have him reacting rather loudly. Disruption, Franklin frowned, it seemed like there was always disruption, thwarting the theory of locating the long-term ICU up and out of the way from the rest of the hospital. It put a crimp in the all-too-rare satisfaction of getting one out alive.

o0o0o0o

The extended time Shu spent under sedation had helped to resolve a great deal of the constant distress and underlying anxiety. It was counter-intuitive since he was bed-ridden and mostly immobile, but much of what he had been suffering was born of exhaustion and the inability to relax and truly rest.

Shuichi looked up at Dr. Duprey; oddly, the psychologist was his first and only visitor so far today. His gaze was almost rude in his fixation on the scar over the man's left eye. He was supposed to try and look at him in the face when he talked; how was he supposed to not look at it? It bothered and fascinated him. It was very strange-looking, lighter than the surrounding skin and a puckered, jagged line. He wondered how many on his own injuries would end up looking like that.

The door opened and a strange man stepped in. He didn't look like a doctor. He wore casual pants and a light beige polo shirt, and he carried a briefcase. Shu watched him warily as he smiled joylessly and approached the bed. When he opened the briefcase a moment of unreasoning fear unsettled his heartbeat, and his attention was riveted on what might come out of the unfamiliar valise.

"Agent Ramage is here to ask you a few things, Shuichi. He's trying to find out who's responsible for causing your accident."

Shu's head swiveled back and forth suddenly, to take in the two men at once. His headache flared.

"How stupid is that? Didn't everybody see what she did?" His voice was pitched high, and he locked his eyes on the freckled hands as they brought out a small electronic device. He fought the urge to back away as best he could, and his mind was slightly delayed in comprehending what was being said.

"Everybody isn't here with us to tell the tale," Agent Ramage looked down seriously. "The vast majority of people that were on your flight are no longer here, actually. Hello, Mr. Shindou, it's a pleasure to finally talk to you. As he mentioned, my name is Ramage. " He set the recorder down and started it up.

Shu began to shake with the reminder of floating in the cold Pacific water. "I know they aren't here, I mean I guess I knew that, because I saw so many…I know that."

"We're going to do this verbally, Mr. Shindou. We'll just go ahead and record this so you don't have to do any writing, I can see that you're kind of tied up there. Do you swear to tell me the truth as you know and believe it, under penalty of perjury?"

"I'm not going to lie to you." The singer's voice sounded pained and unsteady. Duprey's hand went to his shoulder.

"He's investigating the accident, or should I say, incident. If you give him information that leads to an arrest, they need facts and evidence. He's merely establishing that you're telling the truth for legal purposes."

"Okay."

"For the record, you agree to tell the truth?"

"I will. You mean you don't know about that woman? She threw her laptop at the pilot and closed the door. Threw it like this…" he made a slight overhand motion with his dripline-encumbered good arm, eyes wide and a little unfocused. "Then boom, and…and…"

"Let's slow down here, Mr. Shindou. Just answer the questions for now, please. We'll start with your personal information."

"Can I give you that from my records?" the doctor broke in. "I don't know how long you're planning on doing this, but I'd advise you to get right to the point. He's not likely to be able to address a great many questions before he needs to rest again."

Ramage frowned. Part of his success as an interviewer centered on his ability to lull people into inadvertently admitting to things they were trying to hide. Well, okay, a short session today. That meant a really, really long one later once this doctor was out of the way. Maybe the best thing would be to remove the subject from the medical setting for it, take him downtown. Too many people were running interference here.

"Sure. We'll skip straight to it for now. But I may need to have just a quick little meeting with you later. Not a problem, right? You'd agree to that?"

Shu nodded, still shaking.

"I need a verbal, remember we're recording."

"Yeah."

Straight to it then, like the good doctor ordered. He slipped the picture out of his folder and placed in the subject's hand, which put the image suddenly and unavoidably in the injured man's field of vision.

"Tell me about this person, Mr. Shindou. Who is she to you? For the record, showing image number…"

Duprey's anger rose as fast as his concern. He grabbed for his struggling patient; Shuichi was trying to throw the picture and bail out of the bed on the opposite side in blind panic.

"Don't! I can't, don't! Please please please!" his still-fragile voice shrieked and starved out into dry, wheezing cries.

"Not a friend, then, I guess?" Ramage mused, retrieving the photo from the floor and waiting for the doctor to calm his patient again. That reaction seemed pretty genuine. "That was image number SZ dash 2242 dash oh eight." He directed his voice to the recorder, but kept his eyes on the sideshow on the bed.

"Shuichi? Stop now, stop fighting me. Come back over here, I need you to relax, and lean back. You can't get up yet, you know that. Agent Ramage, will you push that button by your elbow there? I need a nurse, he's…yes, Shuichi, you've made a little tear there, it's all right. It's not serious; we'll get it fixed up right away."

Held tight against any more attempts to get away, Shu wheezed and closed his eyes, alternating between weak struggling and trying to ball up to shut them out.

"So you're pretty sure this was the culprit, hm?" Ramage asked.

Shu nodded fervently without looking up, and the doctor glared. "Nice technique," he said sharply. "I'm ending this now on medical advice."

The agent stood back, peeved at the ridiculously short session, and collected his things. "Entertaining, but not very productive," he mused under his breath. He would have pushed on, but there was a fair share of blood coming from the singer's arm, and the last thing he needed was to have a complaint filed against him. This was enough to document his file and account for the delay until the next interview, so he basically had what he needed today anyway.

"Eh? What was that?" Duprey eyed him, still holding Shu as he showed few signs of coming down from his panic.

"Nothing. Thanks for your time, both of you. I'll be back when you're a little stronger, Mr. Shindou. Keep that in mind, will you? I may give you a week or two. I want you good and strong before we do this again."

_Because I'm not going to do the paperwork if you freak out and I have to take you down in the interrogation room, _Ramage thought in annoyance as he went out the door. _When they release you from the hospital, I think I'm going to make you mine for a while._ The homeland security statutes were just the thing for detaining foreigners in order to perform lengthy inquiries. He'd make sure to put a tentative reserve on the holding cell, and he'd lock it in for the week when the singer's release date became known. The hospital was the doctor's domain; but the agency building was his. He smacked the button to release the double doors and made a detour to avoid going by the waiting room windows.

The nurse came in and began assisting with repositioning the I.V. lines and stemming the blood flow from where the old one tore partially out.

"She's dead, I think she's dead, she's dead," Shuichi was saying, but barely intelligible through his strained throat and halting breath. "Dead, dead…"

The doctor tried to break through with a calm, even voice. "Shuichi, stop now. Stop talking. Come on, try to listen to me now. It's all right; everything is the same in this room, just like it was before he walked in here. If you'll calm down I can call out and see if one of your friends will come in and sit with you. You'd like that, right? But you have to be quiet first. Your friends would be hurt to see you so upset, just like you would be if you saw them this way."

He wanted to stop, but that picture was still in his mind, and he started trying to kick it away. Instead of getting his self-control, he was soon losing it completely.

"Nope, this isn't going to work. Nurse, bring me the tray, I've got a setup there."

She pushed over the wheeled metal tray. "You were expecting this."

"Well, not exactly…here, I can't…put the insert where I can reach it. Thank you. Hold on, Shuichi, hold on. There we go; you should be getting a little relief now…a little more…nurse, take his arm there. Okay, that's it. Let go, just let yourself go now. I'm going to let you lie back, just breathe deeply." No longer struggling, Shu was limp but still watching, clinging to consciousness, too afraid to allow himself to drift off.

"I was prepared in case there was a problem. I didn't think anyone would be so ham-fisted as to just shove something in his face like that. For God's sake, look at his condition. Shuichi, I'm going to go see if your friends are out there. Is it all right with you if I let them know what that investigator was doing in here? So they'll know to be very nice to you when they come in?"

Shu nodded, fighting the urge to let his eyes shut.

The doctor left the nurse to keep watch and stepped out into the waiting room, calling out for Shuichi's visitors. With a determined look, he ushered them into a private consulting room.

"There's something I think that you gentlemen should know," he began.

Seguchi eyed K and they listened carefully as the doctor filled them in on the agent's visit and the impact it had on their friend. Yuki took it in with a feeling of dread that surprisingly outstripped his anger, although his anger was indeed considerable. He hadn't heard any more from the agent, he'd hoped that the investigation had finally moved on.

"I think they suspect Shuichi. That agent said he was seen talking to the saboteur on the plane," Yuki added to bring Tohma up to speed. "I know they've identified her as the one that set off the explosion; it's been all over the papers and the news channels since yesterday."

Seguchi's eyes narrowed. "Let me make some contacts. I have some corporate connections here with friends in the legislature. Just to make sure this agent doesn't do any more than he's paid to. K, we need to meet to discuss this somewhere else. Alone, in private. I'd say not at my hotel, and not at Ry's place, either."

"Agreed. Yuki, you'll be okay here alone with Shu for a while? Sakano and Nakano should be showing up in about an hour or so."

"Of course. Can I go in and see him now?"

"Yes, I'd recommend it. He needs some reassurance right now. I gave him something to calm him down; it won't take much to get him out once he can let his guard down again."

"Thanks, Doctor."

Yuki moved anxiously to the door to urge the man to hurry and take him back to see Shu.

_tbc_


	14. Foreboding

Disclaimer as previous

_Reviewer and readers, thank you for your kind attention. This one's short, we're rounding the turn into the home stretch._

**Chapter 14 Foreboding**

The woman's face in the picture started up a kaleidoscope of nightmare images and deeply disturbing memories that surrounded those cold, dark eyes. She was watching him sleep, relishing the idea of sending him to his death. The face was wet and bloody as she hovered, looking him over to confirm the identity of her kill, reveling in the helplessness of her victim and the ease of her triumph. Her lips were raggedly split clear to her nose and down to her chin, right up the middle, making her mouth open in all directions in a mangled unreadable expression.

She was dead, of course she was dead, but that didn't make her any less here or any less of a threat. She still roamed freely in his dreams; he knew she still looked at him at times while he slept; and he felt in his soul that she could still cast a spell that would make planes crash and the earth quake and hearts stop. The power to take that gigantic machine and throw it, along with the hundreds of lives on board, down from the sky into ultimate destruction was larger than the life of some mortal. She was some supernatural being, like a demon.

The nurse touched Shuichi's arm with a cloth and he struggled to stay awake and watch her, to make sure it was a nurse and not somebody else. He tried to bring the whimsical pattern on her yellow scrubs into focus, but it was just beyond his ability at the moment. Resisting the weight on his eyelids was taking all of his strength.

Yuki's voice brought him back into semi-reality, but the flood of relief at hearing that familiar sound was cut short. He worried for him suddenly; what if the demon turned on Yuki for helping Shu? He wouldn't know who she was or what she was capable of. He struggled to get the thoughts and words together, pulling at the soft restraints as the nurse finished securing them. With dulled distress it sank in that they were there holding him still.

"Shu, it's just me. Try to take it easy, I know you've had a bad day so far." And he'd like to make that agent's day his last, if he could get his hands on him. Yuki's hand felt the extreme contrast as the warmth of his hand met the chill of the exposed forearm.

"Yuki…be careful," Shuichi was trying his hardest to get the words out and make them understandable.

"What? It's okay, Shu, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"No. Look out for her." It was so damned hard to make himself heard. Even knowing what words he was saying, his own ears barely made them out for what they were. The effort required to speak was ridiculous.

"Look for something? Here, do you think some water would help? I can't understand you, hold on."

The water helped a little, and Yuki's ear came right to his lips. He had to do this, fear and determination pressed him into the effort. "Look out. Get the picture from the man. She's evil. Watch…"

Yuki finally made out enough recognizable words to put it together, it registered with the word 'picture'. "You don't need to worry, Shu. She can't hurt anyone anymore."

"You don't know that!" The words strangled in his throat from forcing them too hard.

"Hey, hey, I think you've been pushed a little hard today. She's gone. For real, it's been in the news. They found her body. And you don't ever need to worry about me. If she wasn't gone, she would be when I got my hands on her. Okay? If she somehow got away – and she did not – she wouldn't stand a chance. You just settle down. You're all right, be good and I'll ask them to let me free your hands again."

Shu tried to turn away, overwhelmed by the thought of those long nails and how they might gouge out Yuki's beautiful eyes. He couldn't do anything to stop it, he couldn't ever stop anything, things had gotten so out of control at some point in his life. He was tired of hurting, of being battered around by his own horrible thoughts with nowhere to hide. It needed to stop; his mind had to stop the constant bouncing around and being lost. It just all had to stop.

"Shu." Yuki drifted his hand up to the hunched shoulder, confused that he was being shrugged off. Not sure whether to push it, he stopped talking and just waited. The doctor had mentioned sedating the ravaged body yet again. How someone struggling to get well could be weighted down with so many drugs and still get better never made sense to him, but all the doctors seemed to be pretty loose with the stuff. The breathing evened out, and Shu finally passed from tense withdrawal to deep sleep. That had to be an improvement; at least he would get some rest.

The blond settled back to fix his eyes out the hazy window without really seeing the dingy set of buildings Shu's room looked out on. Tohma and K sounded like they were going to take care of things. He tried to have faith in them, they hadn't let him down yet, but it went against his nature to leave something so important to someone else. In his mind's eye he was always supposed to be the man in the driver's seat. And this was no small matter. The thought of getting wrapped up in some kind of terrorist dragnet was so upsetting he had to put it aside while he was here with Shu. This huge government could pinch up a pair of puny humans and disappear them into the bowels of its legal system without blinking an eye.

How many ways had they been threatened with the end of their lives as they knew it in this one hellish trip?

Yuki stroked Shu's hair and watched him sleep to calm himself and refocus, remembering to be grateful that he was still there at all. Remembering what made it worth tolerating, or rather, who. He pressed his lips to Shu's forehead and left them there until he felt the connection strengthen him again.

O0o0o0o0o

In case he needed reminding, Eiri began to spend hours committing the feelings, events, and revelations of this experience to writing. Especially the feelings about his relationship, the way he came to see it from his lover's point of view. If he let himself, his defenses would rebuild, trivialize those defining moments, and let him convince himself they were just due to stress or undercooked chicken or lack of sleep. Drawing on all of his lauded talents as a writer, he was determined to capture the experience in vivid words that would force him to re-live those feelings accurately every time he read it. That way, they would never be forgotten. They could not be denied.

He knew himself well enough to know this had to be done if he was to have any prayer of not reverting back to his old ways the minute things got back to normal. At first he worked on it in the waiting room between visits, then while sitting next to Shu while he slept. It was fifty pages, a hundred, then a hundred and fifty and the words were still flowing. The superstition that provoked him into creating this work drove him hard to keep after it. It was based on the premise that Shu would be back to normal after all this, and that they could resume their relationship. The psychologist's warnings about possible long-term changes threatened him with a different, unknown Shuichi, and that was too upsetting to think about.

Shu shifted on the bed, and Eiri's hands paused over the keyboard as he looked over in response. There had been a fair amount of movement but no sign of waking up during this visit until now. Shu was blinking slowly, making the gradual journey to consciousness. "Yu…" he started to say, then stopped abruptly as the writer came clearer in his vision. A few moments of silence passed.

"Sorry," Shuichi said.

"Sorry?" Yuki set his computer aside on the countertop under the window and stepped up to the bedside, lowering the rail. "Why, Shu? For what?"

"Interrupting," he said meekly.

The novelist's brow creased for a moment until he figured it out, settling on the edge of the bed and resting his hand on Shu's. This was because of the old rule about not bothering him while he was writing; it seemed ridiculous here, to go ranting and raving over something like that.

"No, Shu, it's fine." He patted and ducked his head down to meet the wide-eyed gaze. "I was just waiting for you to wake up. How are you feeling?"

"Messed up," Shu's fingers curled around Yuki's larger hand awkwardly. "It's still hard to do stuff. But I think it's a little better."

"It just takes a long time to get well when you've…"

Eiri's laptop, idly waiting on the counter, sounded with a warning tone for low battery. The next thing he knew Shu was grabbing at him wildly.

"Hey, hey! Shuichi, calm down, what's wrong?" Eiri wrapped strong arms around Shu's upper body and carefully restrained him. "What is it? I've got you, Shu. Talk to me."

Eiri's familiar scents and warm body softened the panic. His mind began to work again, rational thought breaking back through with the knowledge that the sound was a normal computer sound and the situation was not life-threatening. His fearful motions wilted down to a slight tremor, and he buried his face in that warm chest.

He held Shu close and waited a few minutes, giving him some time to settle down. "Better, brat?" he asked softly. He felt the nod under his chin and slowly loosened his arms.

Shu pulled away and looked at his face quickly, then winced when he turned his head too quickly to look for the computer.

"Is that it? Did the sound upset you? Let me shut it down, it's on low battery, I guess." The blond got up with deliberate, slow movements and watched Shu stare at him as if he were about to burst into flame.

"I'm just going to shut it down," he said. "Does that worry you?"

Shu was speechless, warily watching and running a frantic inventory in his head of all the reasons he was sure he was awake and that Yuki wouldn't shapeshift into something else or disappear and leave him with the laptop and whatever things might materialize from it.

The computer made the logging off tune and blinked once, going dark and silent. The hand that clicked the screen down shut was still Yuki's. His hair was still blond, and the look on his face, while worried and tired, was still a Yuki look.

Shu began breathing hard in relief. "Yuki!" he held his good arm out.

"Baka," Yuki said, smiling, and went back to the bedside to deliver a hug. "I don't understand."

"I don't either," Shu's voice was in his ear, barely audible.

"We'll just have to figure it out together then, won't we?"

Shu nodded and relaxed against his human pillow. Being afraid felt kind of like falling, and it felt so good to have someone there to catch him. He was so glad he'd been wrong, after all, when he thought that no one was there for him.

_tbc_


	15. Forethought

Disclaimer: As previous

_Many many apologies for the delay in posting and the chapter itself - constant interruption (darn that real life stuff) made it nearly impossible to section this out and get it to flow. It suffers from it somewhat still, but at least it's up and I can work on the next chapter and hopefully get it up much faster. Thanks very much for the reviews, it helped me keep going! Do feel free to throw your critiques in there, I'm guessing this installment will be a fertile field for them. Now enough blather - here's the story again._

**Chapter 15 - Forethought**

Now that Shu was in a regular hospital room, someone was always there, and the amethyst eyes gradually became less haunted and fearful. The new room had a bare, empty feeling to it compared the clutter of machines and monitors that had been Shu's constant companions in the ICU. It didn't feel lonely, though. His steady supply of friends made sure of that.

"Hey, Shu!" K said cheerfully. "Look here. I brought you something!"

"Someone," corrected Ryuichi lightly, a little more forced in his cheerfulness. Shu didn't look all that much better to him yet, but at least the fear that he might fade away any day was in the past now.

Shuichi watched them come in and stand by the bed. Once Shu's attention focused on Ryuichi, K casually wandered around to the IV stand and assessed the fluids still being introduced directly. Better, K decided, but it was still too risky to pull Shu out of here just yet.

"Hi." Shu held up a hand and Ryuichi took and held it with a smile. He sounded happy to see them, even if his expression was more on the dazed side. The older singer leaned over the bedrail to get close so Shu could look at him easily. He couldn't resist touching the fading bruises still dotting the pale cheek with irregular blotches of tan and yellow, very gently tracing his fingertips down to rest just above the puffed line from the incision from the jawbone surgery.

It was a warm, comfortable feeling to be touched so gently by his trusted mentor. Shu relaxed as he watched Ryu's face, and concentrated on the secure hold on his hand and the soft exploration of fingertips on his jaw line.

"Does it still hurt much?"

"Sometimes. Not right now," Shu said almost in a whisper.

Ryu's hand left the embattled chin and patted the shoulder that wasn't bandaged. He tried to release his hold on Shu's hand in case he was being too invasive. He quirked a smile when he found that his hand was being pulled on. "Don't go yet."

"I just got here, I'm not going anywhere yet. I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind if I touch you…it's just, gosh Shu, it's so good to see you doing so well." He wished there was some way to wrap his arms around the fragile body and hold him tight. He was better, but he still had so far to go. He looked so vulnerable.

"It's okay. I don't mind."

K smiled and took a deep breath, one that he held when Ryu went ahead and gripped Shu in an awkward hug. If Yuki walked in right now this sweet little scene might morph into a nuclear war.

"Ryu, careful," K warned mildly. The other man gave him something between a glare and a pout at being reminded that they weren't alone in the room and reluctantly disentangled himself.

"Aw," Shu said, sounding disappointed. That earned K another unhappy look.

"I just don't want you to get too worn out. Yuki's coming back in a little while and I know you like to be awake when he's here." K's voice was light and pleasant but his look at Ryuichi was direct as he emphasized the words 'Yuki's coming back' .

"Yeah," Ryuichi said. "He's right." He stubbornly kept holding hands though, lightly stroking the back of Shu's hand with his thumb. "What do they have you doing now?"

"Try to stay awake more. Oh, and talk more." He stuck out his upper lip and wiggled it along with the tube wafting oxygen under his nose. "This makes my nose itch. Oh, and itch, I itch a lot but I can't scratch. Like, the back of my head just itches so bad."

"You seem to be doing just fine talking."

"It's easy today."

"Shu has some pretty good stretches now where you can see that he's making a lot of progress," K said. "He just has some bad spells now and then, but they should disappear over time."

"I hope so."

"They will, don't worry. I know it's got to be upsetting, but you just gotta keep hanging in there. You have to listen to the doctors and do what they say."

Shu turned from K to Ryu. "He's always talking about things I don't want to hear."

"That he does," Ryu agreed. "But I guess somebody has to be the adult. I know that I don't want to do it!"

"Me neither."

K leaned back on the counter with folded arms, shaking his head. "You guys need a little supervision now and then, that's all. I'm here to help."

Ryuichi looked at K with an unreadable expression, a rare occurrence since the two had been through quite a lot together over the years. He was actually experiencing a moment of awe remembering the way K stepped up that day of the crash. Who on earth would think to stage their own rescue, and have the balls and the know-how to pull it off?

If it wasn't for K, Shu wouldn't be here at all. No one had given that morsel of information to the rescuee in question; mainly in order to avoid any detailed discussions about the catastrophe. Dr. Duprey had advised them to let Shu decide when to talk about it, and to be careful when they answered any questions that he did ask and not give out more information than he was actually seeking. Those in-depth discussions would be necessary in time but Shu was far too unstable and helpless to benefit from them yet.

Ryuichi just hoped that Shu already knew, somehow, that he would have done anything to be the one to save him. That he thought he'd die himself when he was standing on that beach, helpless to get back out and keep searching, being drilled with questions about his feelings and the likelihood of his tragic loss.

"I guess we don't appreciate you enough, K. It's not as if you like doing the tough stuff any better than we would." Ryu said, swallowing down his memories.

K's sideways smile showed just how good that compliment felt. "Ah, I'm just selfish. I can't stand it when I see you guys get into trouble."

The door whispered open and Yuki paused in the doorway, his sharp eyes taking in the hand-holding with a twinge of anger that he forced down quickly. Sakuma, that guy was asking for it. It wasn't like he made any secret about how much he liked Shuichi. Shu was probably the only person who just couldn't believe that the rock star wanted very much to be with him, but the writer had no such misunderstanding.

"K. Sakuma."

"Yuki!" Shu chirped impulsively, flinching at the darts of pain that seemed to shoot everywhere when his hand flew up out of Ryuichi's and stretched out toward his lover. Ryu backed off, moving aside to let the blond step up and take his place by Shu's bedside.

"Hey, brat, you're sure chipper this morning." He leaned down to Shu, who was starting to pant to relieve the tension from the sudden pains. He captured those parted lips with a brief but welcomed kiss, and the significance of that move wasn't lost the other visitors. "It's nice to see you so alert."

"I guess we should go," K said. Ryu was frowning. _Leave them alone, Ry…_ K urged telepathically.

"Sure, if they want us to," Ryuichi said with a hint of challenge.

"Yeah I want you to," Eiri said. He made a motion to K. "I can tell that you guys got Shu a little wired up here, I hope you know that he's going to be paying for it later. He needs to rest now."

Shu was getting lightheaded from panting and tiring already; he didn't even process the fact that Yuki was basically evicting the other men. His mind was occupied shifting gears from the kiss and fighting a slight bout of headache and vertigo that was creeping up on him from pushing himself to stay alert.

"Is that okay with you if we go, Shu?" Ryuichi said quietly, eliciting Eiri's jutting jaw of irritation and K's hand on his elbow.

"S-sure," Shu said, arching back against the bed for a moment and closing his eyes in a wince.

"Okay, I'll be back soon to see you again. You just keep getting stronger." Ryuichi's voice was warm and it left Shu with a slight smile; it left Yuki turning his head so that his glare was visible to everyone but Shu.

"Take care Shu; Eiri. C'mon, Ryu, let's go." K pulled gently but firmly on Ryuichi. So far they were behaving reasonably well but there was no excuse for them to get so ticked at each other while they were in this room.

"Did they go?" asked Shu, trying to squint open an eye against his building headache and failing.

"Yes, Shuichi. You need to rest. They shouldn't have been so disruptive. Looks like you're feeling bad again."

"Headache. Again."

"I'm sorry, Shu, I should have been here to run them off earlier." He mentally edited "those idiots" out of his sentence; they were idiots, but poor Shu wasn't up to dealing with that kind of thing right now.

"I don't think it's their fault."

"Of course it's their fault. But don't you worry about it, it's all right, I guess they didn't know any better. We just need to get you taken care of." With that he jabbed the call button and resolved to keep a closer eye on Ryuichi now that the guy seemed to have his devious wits back about him.

Shu wasn't quite sure why Yuki was suddenly so willing to come up on the bed and lie next to him, after the nurse left. He stayed there, tracing his fingers for gentle distraction on Shu's pained brow while they waited for his pain meds to kick in. Rather than question it, he gripped the front of the taller man's shirt and absorbed the comfort of his warmth and rhythmic breathing until the combination relaxed him into contented oblivion.

x

Shu was somewhat talkative when his new wealth of company began brightening his days, but after the visits became more routine, he seemed to avoid talking much at all. It was partly because of his mental stress, and partially because the process of thinking and then getting those thoughts into words posed some difficulty. Speech happened seamlessly before the accident, words jumped out of his mouth before his common sense had time to edit his brain's raw output. Now he had to consciously think how put things into words when he first started talking; and that was only when he managed to focus on something long enough to decide he wanted to say it aloud. It was far quicker and easier to motion for something he wanted. When his tendency to avoid talking became obvious, his doctors advised his friends to push him to speak as much as possible.

That order highlighted just far the little dynamo still had to go before he was going to be himself again.

oOoOoOoOo

K sat across from Sakano at the kitchen table, watching the thin young man push about a tablespoon of scrambled egg all around his plate and never once take a bite. If they didn't get out of here soon, K was beginning to think that the whole lot of them were going to have to reserve connecting rooms at the hospital.

"So things are getting a little tense with Ryuichi?" Sakano asked.

"Oh yeah. He ditched me today but Hiro's going to be there. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that they'll be able to behave. I'll give 'em one chance." K stirred his coffee absently. "We may have to hire private security pretty soon. They caught two guys trying to get pictures of him last night around one in the morning. It's a good thing they're still giving him something to help him rest at night, they say he slept right through it."

"Did they get any pictures?"

"The hospital staff said no, but…I guess we'll just have to see what shows up on the tabloids. They'll just digitize something if they can't get the real thing. I just worry about them jumping at him out of nowhere and getting him all shaken up again."

"This is going to be so hard on him anyway. I…" At the musical tone, Sakano broke off and pulled out his cell, tapping the touchscreen. "Oh man."

"What is it?"

"IM from Tohma. He's ready to kill. Seems like his connection found out that Eiri's on a blacklist at the airport. He's…hold on." Sakano's slim fingers flew. "Yeah. He's pissed. I guess he thought they were just after Shuichi. He says don't bother trying to get in touch with him today unless it's an emergency. Text him and he'll get back to you later."

"Great, just great. We don't need any more complications; we just need to get the hell out of here before something very bad happens. It's all I can do right now to try and get everybody to lay low and not draw attention to themselves."

"You can't control everything, K. Give Tohma some credit, he can move mountains when he has the right motivation. And anything that threatens Eiri threatens Tohma. I hate to say it, but this is probably the best thing that could have happened to make sure Shuichi gets to go home."

"You've got a point there. I learned not to screw with Seguchi a long time ago." K checked his watch. "Well, if you don't see a mushroom cloud in the direction of the hospital, I guess things went all right. I'm sure Eiri's there already. Tohma's been trying to get him to rest more, he's been overstressed for way too long and those ulcers have been tearing him up at night."

"Poor Eiri-san." Sakano sighed. "He's such a tragic person."

"In a way, I guess. Hey, come on, don't go all emo on me."

"I just wish we could all go home."

"Well, we'll just have to keep working on it. How'd it go cancelling all of the tour dates?"

"It's a mess; I'm about two-thirds done. It's time-consuming, but it isn't like the promoters weren't expecting it. They're actually being pretty nice. I'm getting a lot of feedback about rescheduling. They figure it'll be really big when Shu gets back up on stage, and they're making nice to try and get a piece of his next tour." Sakano finally gave up the pretense of eating and stood to go rinse his breakfast into the disposal. "Do you think he will?"

"Will he get back on the stage?" K smiled. "I think it's my job to say yes to that question and then make it happen at all costs. Yours, too, if I remember correctly. You might want to spend more time schmoozing with the Japanese venues, though. I'm not sure that they're going to be up for a trip back here for quite a long while even if we get the investigation thing ironed out now."

They fell silent contemplating how it would feel to have to board a plane after an experience like Shu's.

o0o0o0o

The stubborn author was finally giving in and resting up more as Tohma was insisting on, in preparation for what he could only guess. So it was Ryu who was the first visitor of the day today instead of Eiri, and he managed to get there alone by taking off while K was still in the shower. It was great having company and all…but Shu was all the company he really wanted right now. He twinged with envy every time Yuki showed up and showed him out.

"Shuichi?" Ryuichi called quietly. Shu had been dozing, his battered body still working hard to mend itself.

Shu's eyes rolled a little and then settled on his visitor.

"Okay if I come in?"

Shu nodded slowly, lifting up a hand. Ryu crossed to the bed, and brought his hand to the pale cheek. "You don't feel so cold today, Shu," he smiled.

Shu didn't smile back; he just shifted closer, lifting his hand again. He motioned to the control, and Ryuichi worked the button to move the head of the bed up into more of a sitting position. The older singer took Shu's motioning hand and captured it carefully in both of his. "You're supposed to talk when you want something, remember? The doctor says you've been too quiet again. My Shu, he's never too quiet! So stop teasing me, say something."

"I forgot." His pink head bowed. "I keep forgetting everything."

"No, Shu, you remember really well. You just have these little blank spots, and you don't have them as often as you did. Pretty soon they'll go away."

"Mmn." Shu was still looking down. He sounded tired. "I spilled my water again."

"I don't see that it's wet anywhere. Did they clean it up already?" The cup and the odd little plastic pitcher were on the offset rolling table, and there was no sign of a mishap.

Shu nodded. Ryuichi couldn't be sure if Shu was talking about something that happened earlier or something he just thought happened.

"Well, good, it's okay. It's just water. I'm sure it didn't hurt anything." He cocked his head to look in those wandering eyes.

"The cup and the ice fell and they slid on the floor. But not on my shoes this time. What happened to my shoes?"

"Um…gee, I don't know. How's your head, Shu?"

"It hurt a lot this morning but they made it stop." He lifted his head unsteadily.

"Ohhh, I see. I kind of thought they might have given you a little something extra."

"What did they give me? Did they take my shoes?"

"I don't know the answer to any of that, I'm sorry."

"I spilled soda on them."

"You…you did, huh?" Ryuichi was getting worried. Shu hadn't been possession of shoes since the crash, and he didn't think they were giving him any soda. Shu got confused sometimes, but this was an odd vibe and he seemed to be slow and sluggish in spite of the fact he was talking fairly well. But he was usually at his best in the morning, and this was definitely not his best.

"So I got them all ruined."

The door latch clicked, and they both turned to look.

"Hey guys," Hiroshi said, keeping his voice quiet. "How's it going?"

"Hi, just talking with Shuichi. He's kind of tired, I think." Ryu's concern was evident in his tone and it put Hiro on alert immediately.

"Are ya? Already?" Hiro glanced at the clock, it wasn't even nine yet. He walked to the foot of the bed and touched a blanketed toe. "Well, good thing you're in bed, then, right?"

Shu's gaze drifted down to the hand on the blanket. "Good thing." He said blandly.

Hiro and Ryu caught one another's eye. "You okay, Shu?"

"I don't know." He leaned on Ryuichi, taking the taller man's arm and pulling it across his chest, bending him over awkwardly. "I don't know anything."

"He doesn't look good. I'll go get the nurse," Hiro said, going right back out the door. He reentered, shaking his head.

"Okay. Let's try the call button. They're all busy and I can't tell which one to talk to." He pushed the call button on the wall.

Ryu had shifted to let Shu keep holding his arm. From his grip, he seemed determined to hang onto it.

"You feel any better?"

"I don't know. Don't go." Instead of holding the arm, he was slumping across it now.

"I'm not going anywhere. Shu?"

"I can't…"

Hiro hit the button again. "Is he passing out?"

"I think so. Shu? Shuichi? You know, he feels hot."

"Can I help you?" the intercom hissed.

"Something's wrong, we need help."

"Do you need a nurse?"

"Yes, please, right away."

Ryu was holding Shu now, collapsed against his shoulder. "Come on Shu, talk to me."

The door opened and the nurse started in casually, then moved quickly to take Shu from Ryuichi and settle him back down on the bed. "What happened?"

"He was awake, but he was really out of it, and he just went limp. What's wrong with him?"

She was taking his vital signs and scrutinizing him closely. "I think a lot of it's the ear infection; it's a little complicated to deal with because of his head injuries. We have to be aggressive fighting it and trying to keep the fever low."

"An ear infection? When did this start?"

"He's had issues with his ears off and on since he came in. They increased his pain medication temporarily, between that and the infection he's having a hard time staying awake. With his type of head injury it's not uncommon for pain to persist over weeks or months. It's not good, but it's nothing to be alarmed about. Just make sure he doesn't try to get up. He seems to be getting it into his head that he's ready to start walking around and there's just no way." She finished checking the patient and straightening him out on the bed, nodding to the two men as she hurried back out the door on her way to answer another buzzing intercom.

"Nothing to be alarmed about? What if this delays his release? What if he can't fl-'

Hiro motioned for Ryuichi to be quiet. "Not here, Ry."

"You think Tohma and K know? I should call them."

Hiro stepped over and rested his wrist on Shuichi's damp forehead, detecting the elevated temperature. "Damn, sick on top of everything else. I didn't know, either."

"He could break an eardrum. We can't just…"

"Shh!" Hiro growled.

"I wasn't gonna say anything. I'm just worried, that's all."

"Me, too. I'd like to know why we're just hearing about this now. You think Eiri knows?"

"How could he not? He's here all day and half the nights hogging up all the visiting hours."

"Sometimes when people are really in a bad way the staff knows about smaller things like that all along but because of the major injuries, no one thinks to bring it up again."

"This could be major if…you know."

"Go. Call. I'll sit with him. Just get out of here first."

Hiro found himself alone with Shuichi for the first time in long time. He wondered for the thousandth time how it would have been if he had followed his instinct and stayed to take the later flight with his friend.

o0o0o0o0o

Tohma's pressure was starting to have some results. Shuichi was going to be released soon. After a private meeting with his medical team, the doctors were working together and pushing up his release date to the first possible opportunity. He was out of danger, baring unforeseen complications, and recovering steadily if slowly. Most of his monitoring and support devices were disconnected now. His ear problems were stable at the moment. In a normal situation he would have been retained for many more days until he was reliably ambulatory, but the assurance that he was going to a private nursing facility prompted the hospital's cooperation with an early release.

Everyone but blissfully ignorant Shuichi felt the intense pressure of wondering about the status of the crash investigation. Tohma and K kept disappearing and declining to explain anything that they were up to. Sakano had been pulled aside and seemed to be wrapped up in whatever part he was getting ready to play.

If Shuichi was completely in the dark, Yuki wasn't exactly enlightened, either. Tohma shut him down anytime he tried to ask what was going on. He could only guess that they were trying to make sure that if their plan fell through Shu and Yuki would be clear of any implications. They were the ones who would suffer the most from any further suspicion. The rest of the men were not on restriction from common carriers, and could have flown out on any airline any day.

They carefully addressed the occasional contacts from Agent Ramage, making arrangements for Shu to transfer to the nursing facility on his release and providing all the details of that move freely to the watchful agent. No amount of brainstorming helped in regard to concealing the timing of his release, the institutional setting simply had too many layers of medical and administrative checks and balances to pull it off. To try to sneak him out of the hospital without a release was foolishness and almost guaranteed trouble.

The mulish investigator wasn't worried about them making off with Shuichi; he'd added the singer and his significant other to the watchlist at all of the airports, cruise lines and law enforcement agencies. He'd gone so far as to hit LAX and check the TSA no-fly list himself; the names were already there and spelled correctly. Until Ramage cleared them, the pair was going nowhere. Of course, not charged with anything yet, Mr. Shindou was technically as free as the next man. He was under no orders or restrictions otherwise. Ramage had prepared his paperwork to detain Shuichi under Homeland Security statutes, and he hoped to have the paperwork signed off on by his superiors and ready to serve in time to interrupt the man's transfer to the private nursing facility. From his end, it was all going off too slowly, but at least it was happening smoothly. Instead of a medical transport, Mr. Shindou would be diverted and whisked away in the back of his unmarked G-car. From that point on, there would be no interferences with their interview whatsoever.

Still, it didn't hurt to keep tabs on them, and the effectiveness of random provocation had been proven time and time again. He had a summons to serve tomorrow in an office complex further south and the hospital was right on the way. Perhaps he would drop by and pay Mr. Shindou a surprise visit.

_tbc_


	16. Figments

Disclaimer as previous

_Back, finally, sorry for the delay! Thank you for coming back, and for R&R._

**Chapter 16 - Figments**

Tohma paced the living area of his suite again, but he made sure to do it quietly. He would stop occasionally and listen for the sounds of Eiri's slow, deep breathing. Twice he'd given in to the urge to peer in the darkened bedroom, adoring the peaceful look on that handsome face. It was a sight he could watch for hours given the chance, but today he needed to keep the door closed. Company was coming.

It was still worrisome. He'd put in the word with all of the right people but there was nothing definitive yet. Shuichi was in the medical facility and it was as good as any sanctuary. The government folks would likely be aware of their liability if they pulled an injured man out of the hospital, an adored international celebrity at that, and some complication arose because of it. No, Shu was safe at least for the moment. But Eiri…if they wanted to grab him at any minute, he was gone. And they really had no reason to keep the two together; in fact, they would probably prefer to separate them.

He considered getting rooms elsewhere; a business associate had offered him use of their corporate housing timeshare. He could have continued paying for the hotel and it might have thrown them off for a while.

Or it might look suspicious and cause them to move in and grab Eiri that much sooner. And the stubborn author only agreed to stay here in the long run because it was located so close to the hospital. The corporate housing was an hour away even in decent traffic. No way would Eiri go for that.

He'd have to go forward with his plan to drop in on Kyle Mandry today and make a bid for his assistance. He was one of Nittle Grasper's biggest fans back when, and they'd partied in his penthouse and cruised in his jet and yacht almost every time they'd done the American scene. The man had been in Europe but the message said that he was back home now and his feelings would be hurt if Tohma didn't find the time to meet up with him.

Cyber Roadbed Engineering was a huge multinational company and CRE's main man had connections with every kind of U.S. government official of note; they had symbiotic relationships, with Kyle bidding for government business and his vast resources delivering contributions and perks just this side of legal to maintain the happy balance. If Kyle would throw some of that weight around…

Ryuichi would need to come along on this visit. Kyle went weak in the knees at the sight of him; it was rather amusing to see, considering the power the man wielded. It was for Shu's sake, so he had no question when he asked, that Sakuma would be willing to go along.

o0o0o0o

Ryuichi was disappointed not to be waking Shu up today, but Tohma said it was important for Shuichi's 'situation' to meet him at his hotel. The sun was just cresting the hills and Ryu was comfortable enough in his slightly trampy outfit, white silk shirt open down the front with a saggy leather vest hanging open as well. The leather pants were skin-tight and slung low in provocative contrast with the loose, billowy silk. For whatever reason, Tohma said dress to kill, and this get-up would do in just about any fan he'd ever come across. He raked his fingers into his thick layers of hair, still slightly damp with from the shower, and shook them to tousle it a little more. When he went to knock, the door opened before he could touch it.

"Shh, Eiri's still sleeping. Come in and sit with me for a minute and I can explain."

A brief flash of annoyance that neither he nor Eiri would be there when Shu woke up crossed Ryu's mind, but he was quickly distracted with talk of their plan to get Shu's status reviewed in a favorable light in very high and influential places.

o0o0o0o

K was on the computer running checks on variables that might impact their goal in the next couple of weeks, looking up advisories and weather forecasts. Sakano was making the last of his tour cancellation phone calls back east now, taking advantage of the time zone difference.

Ryuichi had already left when it was dark out; K heard the limo pull away as he was wandering out from the shower. That was a bit too early; K figured he was getting a little obsessive about getting in more time with Shu, and he'd have to start keeping an eye on that. Hiro was helping him keep an eye on Ryu most of the time; but Hiro had spent half the night up talking to someone on the phone from back home. K didn't pry, and he left Hiro's door closed instead of rousting him.

They sipped coffee and tea and worked in a bubble of calm, getting things done without distraction.

o0o0o0o

Shuichi was sleeping dreamlessly when the hand touched his. He shifted, awareness creeping in, and while his first flicker of thought was that Yuki was here, as he got a little more awake he corrected himself and figured it was Ryuichi, since he'd been the first one here in the morning all week.

"Hey, are you awake?"

Shuichi wagged his head, thinking that his ears weren't working right yet; but then he stiffened visibly. He blinked the blurry sleep out of his eyes with a sudden chill of fear. With a gasp, the shock of recognition hit him at the sight of red hair and cold, pale blue eyes very, very close to his face.

This time when he went to bail out of the bed, there was nothing there to stop him, and he hit the floor with a high-pitched grunt of fright, sending his IV post and bedside table crashing underneath him.The racket sounded like an explosion against the early-morning quiet of the hospital hallways.

Ramage stepped back and folded his arms. It certainly wasn't his fault if the hospital failed to maintain their patients securely and safely in their beds. The rails should have been up at least; that was shamefully negligent of them to have left them down, apparently overnight. He looked around unhurriedly and located the call button. He had another look over the side of the bed before poising his hand over it. His subject was down for the count and freaking out with unintelligible shouting, and the disarray was considerable for such a simple fall. He pressed the button about the same time the door flew open anyway; no doubt the racket had been heard throughout the entire ward.

Two nurses went by him in a flash and began trying to sort out the flailing mess of man and burst bags and fallen equipment. A nurse answered the intercom's reply to his buzz with a request for an orderly, and she left quickly as soon as he arrived.

Eventually, things got quieter and Ramage stepped forward again to see past the bed to what was happening on the floor. They were still holding Shindou to stop him from crawling away and trying to sort out what to do next now that they could get a hand free, clipping his IV line shut to stop the blood that was backflowing out from the loss of the gravity feed.

"High-strung, isn't he?" Ramage said conversationally.

"You don't do much to help that situation," a deep voice said from the doorway, as the nurse who had left so quickly minutes ago ushered him in.

_Damn_, Ramage frowned. _Duprey._

"Hey, Doc. You're making your rounds pretty early. I wouldn't think that folks do much talking this early in the day. I figured you for a late-shift guy." Ramage said as the doctor hurried past.

"Well, unlucky for you, I had a staff consultation today. Step back, please. Shuichi?" he knelt down, and Ramage held his position to watch. Shu was clutching at his wrapped arm and nodding his head forward in an expression that held more pain now than panic.

"He was on that side, I think he landed on his shoulder," said the nurse who was still on her knees along with the orderly. "It looks like he might have another episode coming on from the jarring effect."

"Has he said anything?"

"No words."

"Shuichi, you had a fall off the bed. Do you know where you are right now?"

Shu clamped his eyes shut, waiting miserably for the pain to allow him to speak. He didn't have that overwhelming urge to get away at all costs now that Duprey's familiar voice was there as an anchor. Beyond that he didn't want to know where he was, or to have to deal with any of it. He wanted to be home. He wanted this red-haired man to stop scaring him, why would some stranger want to keep scaring him? Was he on her side? Was that the real reason he carried her picture? He hadn't considered that before.

Maybe he was in league with her, acting as her soldier in the daylight hours.

Of course. That had to be it. And he was still here, looming over him like some vulture. The urge to get away came back doubled in fear.

They were attempting to lift him back onto the bed when he started fighting to get away again.

"No, no! Shuichi, be still!"

"Yuki!" Shu cried, trying to get loose. The closer they lifted him to the bed, the closer they were bringing him near the red-haired man. "Help me!"

"How's your hold, you got him? Keep coming up, I want him on the bed and off of the hard floor." Dr. Duprey guided them and they managed to get their charge on the bed in spite of his struggling.

"Need a hand?" Ramage said, stepping forward and causing the struggling to increase dramatically.

"You stay back! You're the cause of all this!"

"The rails were down on the bed. Procedures, Doctor," the agent shrugged, taking a too-small step back. "If your staff had been following procedures, this wouldn't have happened at all."

"Leave. Now." Dr. Duprey rested his hands on Shuichi's good shoulder and forehead, carefully pinning him down. "I want you to calm down for me, Shuichi. I want you to look at me."

"Leave? On what grounds?"

"Medical. Out. Mr. Nolan, assist him with finding the door. I need to concentrate on helping Mr. Shindou."

Mr. Nolan, burly orderly and hard-working staff member, was normally quite quick to eject wrongdoers. But he had to pause at this one. Ramage was a Federal Agent. He was merely standing there. Mr. Nolan didn't want any trouble with the government. He wasn't quite certain they were within their authority to eject him physically.

Duprey, as befit his line of work, read his mind. Well, his body language and facial expression, actually. But it added up to the same thing – he could see that his orders were not easily followed.

"Remove him now, Nolan, on my orders. On my authority!"

When Mr. Nolan reluctantly stepped forward, Ramage stepped to him and their noses nearly touched.

"I'm going to remember this," he said with an annoyed edge in his voice. The orderly flinched. Satisfied that he'd given the guy something to worry about for a while, Ramage lifted a hand to show he was giving in and stepped back.

"Doc. I'll be back. Mr. Shindou? Lovely talking with you. I'll be seeing you real soon; count on it."

They had told him that Shindou wasn't ready to be released yet, and now Ramage felt that he had witnessed enough to determine that he was being told the truth. In spite of all these misguided attempts to protect the patient, the agent managed to get that bit of general information he had been looking for anyway. Of course; he wouldn't have backed down if he didn't have what he needed yet.

The door safely closed behind the departing source of trouble. Attempts resumed to calm their patient as a few more staffers came in and out, delivering replacement bags and tubes, cleaning up the mess and bring another water pitcher. The benign bustle of activity eventually stopped startling Shu and gave him something to watch while he silently tolerated Duprey's questions. All he really wanted was to know where Yuki was, but his headache was splitting his thoughts in two.

"Still hurt?" Duprey asked as he pawed at the back of his head. Shu nodded, a jerky motion. The doctor caught his wrist and firmly brought his arm down. "I'll give you something. Stop digging at the back of your head, okay?"

The nurse peeling back the bandages on his bad arm signaled to another. "Bring me something to clean this up with."

"You did a number on yourself this time, Shuichi. It's a good thing you didn't land on your head. You have to remember that it's very fragile; you're just starting to heal and you're not protected very well if you receive another trauma to that area."

Shu tried to turn away.

"I know you were panicked, it's hard to maintain control in that situation." He leaned close to a nurse that had just returned.

"No one's here," she said in a quiet aside.

"Then give his first and alternative contacts a call for me, will you please? I have to get going pretty soon, if no one's going to be here I'm going to sedate him heavily and I'd really rather not have to do that."

"Right away, Doctor."

"Come on now, I really need to know if you've inured yourself. Shuichi, look at my hand here. Can you?"

"I'm sick," Shu said quietly, tucking down his chin against his vertigo. "I can't, it makes me dizzy."

"Hold as still as you can for me, please, Mr. Shindou." The nurse re-dressing his arm asked. "I'm trying not to hurt you, but you need to hold still."

"Stop it, let go." Too many people were hovering over him now, he couldn't see them properly and they felt too close and too powerful. "Leave me alone."

Duprey sighed in resignation and picked up the vial of sedation, measuring out a strong dose. He almost dropped it when the newly-installed IV line snaked away, lead by the defensive swipe of the arm it was attached to.

"It's all right now, Shuichi, you're going to be able to relax and calm down in just a minute." Reluctantly he administered the sedative and shook his head as his patient grew wide-eyed and still, fighting the powerful drug. Those wide eyes lost focus and began to narrow, and then fell shut.

"I want to know if that rail really was left down all night. I need to know if it was staff error or if someone came in here and did that on purpose." Duprey took the electronic clipboard from the nurse and pummeled it with the stylus as he wrote. "Why would it be down anyway?"

"His visitors put it down sometimes to sit next to him," the nurse offered.

"Hm, yes, well…I suppose it could have been an innocent mistake. Be sure to let Mr. Uesugi know exactly what happened here this morning when he arrives, will you please? Page me if he asks to speak with me. He needs to be aware of how important it is to keep the rails up and to keep Mr. Shindou calm."

o0o0o0o

When Yuki arrived mid-morning no one was around, and Shuichi was sleeping so soundly he couldn't wake him. He seemed to look a little different, and it took Yuki a while to realize that his jaw was darkened with bruising again. While he was still attempting to put two and two together, the nurse arrived and gave him the rest of the equation.

Yuki went ballistic, and the nurse got a face-full at full volume.

"I didn't leave the rail down, I never leave the damn rail down! I always put it back up, it was up when I left last night, I know that for a fact because I had to lean over it to say goodnight when I left. So for starters, somebody screwed up, or somebody was screwing with Shu's safety on purpose! What the hell, I thought you people were going to have the orderlies keep an eye out for him. What if some crazed fan got in here and tried to hurt him, or they were trying to take his picture again, or…"

The orderly stepped in the room, having followed the sounds of angry shouting from down the hallway.

"This is a hospital," the orderly barked as he entered the room. "No more shouting."

"You have a lot of nerve," seethed Yuki, quieter but no less venomous. "He could have been seriously injured. And your whole solution is to try and blame me? How about whoever let that bastard come in here bothering him?"

"I made him leave. And if you continue to be disruptive, I'm going to make you leave, too."

"Why, because I'm disturbing Shu? A damned freight train plowing into the bed wouldn't disturb him, you've got him so doped up!"

"Shut it, Eiri," K snapped as he pushed open the door. "How is Shuichi?"

"You…" the author fumed. "He'd drugged half to death, that's how he is! They let that damned agent come in here. He ended up falling on the floor!"

"And is he all right now?"

Yuki stopped. And…he hadn't gotten that far before he started yelling.

K turned to the nurse with an expectant look.

"Mr. Shindou was very distraught, he fell on his injured arm and the impact was pretty severe. We assume he hit his chin at some point because of the fresh bruising. He was in pain and distress so Dr. Duprey administered a sedative."

"Thanks for taking care of him, and I'm sure we'll be fine here now." K gave a serious look to Yuki. "We need to talk."

Yuki frowned seriously back. K wasn't his boss or his handler or his anything.

But he was the man that risked his life to save Shu's, and that gave him the upper hand at the moment.

As soon as they were alone, K hissed in whispered anger, "Use your head. You come in here yelling and throwing a fit, what do you hope to accomplish? You're taking it out on the wrong people. Ramage caused this, they told me on the phone that he was in here harassing Shu when he fell."

"They accused me of causing it by leaving the rail down. What, I'm just supposed to take that shit?"

"You're supposed to be keeping a low profile for the both of you. Behaving. Am I making any sense here?"

Eiri fumed. He would have been here to handle all this himself if he hadn't let Tohma talk him into leaving the early morning hours for the other visitors, and he knew damn well that was mostly for Sakuma's benefit. Where had he been during all this?

"Where the hell was your buddy? I didn't want Ryuichi hanging around here but you guys insisted. Is this just some pissing contest with him? Now that he gets his way, he doesn't bother to show up?"

"Hold it down, will you? The driver said he dropped him off early this morning for a business meeting. I didn't find out until I asked on the way here."

Yuki was not in the mood to be placated and waved an angry, dismissing hand. K had had enough.

"Look. Let it go or go back to Tohma's and throw your fits there until…" K's cell buzzed and he palmed it quickly; the I.D. was Tohma's. "Hey."

He listened for a moment. "I'm at the hospital, Shuichi had a mishap. He's here, I'm looking right at him. Did you want to talk to him?"

Eiri held his hand out impatiently for the phone. K shook his head in the negative, but he just signaled more insistently.

"Eiri wants to talk to you." K handed over the cell.

"What the hell, Tohma, Ramage was in here and Shu ended up getting hurt. I thought you were supposed to be taking care of that guy..."

"Eiri!" K interrupted . "Not here."

"Whatever. This isn't acceptable. I'll be raising some hell with the hospital over this, mark my words."

The phone positively buzzed with Tohma's shouted reply. Taken aback just a bit, Eiri grew a little quieter. "It's Shu they're after. Don't worry about me." He frowned. Tohma thought they were going to detain him sometime soon? As directed, he handed the phone back over to K, who conversed in mere yes or no answers somewhat cryptically while peering cautiously at Eiri.

He sat next to the bed and folded his arms, quiet now, absorbing this latest information. So Tohma had learned that his name was confirmed to be at the very top of the 'subjects of interest' list right behind Shuichi, and he was worried that they would pick him up for detention soon. Great. Just great. If they were stuck here long enough, they might never get home.

o0o0o0o

The first sensation that pierced his sedated, dreamless sleep was pain. He had his usual pains, sometimes they were there already when he woke up, but mostly they faded with sleep and renewed themselves after a while when he was awake. At the moment, those pains were in full swing, and that had bad day written all over it.

But an extra helping of discomfort was there, making him puzzle over their origins. His arm was throbbing brutally at the shoulder, and that was a new one. His jaw felt stiff and cramped. His butt felt like a giant sore muscle.

Soft breathing and warmth came into his awareness next, close to him on the bed. That familiar presence let him know it was all right, whatever had happened he was all right now. He moved his fingers against the peaceful hand that rested in his.

It felt dry and a little rough, poor Yuki, what had he been doing? His hands were always soft and smooth and strong, his powerful touch was so unique. The rough fingers closed down on his in response, tight, then tighter. It started to hurt. Maybe Yuki wasn't really awake yet?

Shuichi pried open an amethyst eye and it shocked both of them wide as he focused swiftly on face resting next to him on the pillow.

The fingers were crushing his hand now.

"No! No!" He tried to roll back but he only smashed back against the rails.

The white eyelashes parted lazily and revealed cold, pale blue eyes. "My pet."

"Get away, what do you think you're doing?"

"Keeping you company. I'm going to be keeping you company for a long time, Shu-shu. We're getting tired of waiting for you to join us." Ramage leaned forward slowly, ready to kiss his forehead.

Shu would do anything to keep that face away from his. He struggled back, but the rail wouldn't budge.

"Where's Yuki?" he began to panic outright. Ramage's hand was on his throbbing shoulder, rubbing it into further agony. "Stop it, don't touch me!" He tried to roll away again, and the rail rattled hard. Someone appeared behind him in his peripheral vision now that he had rolled. He caught a glimpse of the silhouette of a woman in a precisely-tailored black suit. The hand on his shoulder traveled up to his face and he squirmed to try and find a way to escape.

"Shuichi, don't. Listen to me. Open your eyes."

Ramage's lips delivered the words but it was Yuki's voice. Shu stared at his mouth, his brain struggling for a course of action.

The light pattern shifted and hands touched him more gently, pressed flat on his chest and stomach. The images were wavering. He squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them the two demonic presences were gone. The bed next to him was empty, and he himself had nearly squirmed completely out of it, plastered with his back against the rail. Behind him Yuki's voice was in his ear, and the familiar graceful, warm hands were carefully holding him still.

"Yuki," he gasped. "It is you."

"Are you a little more awake now, brat?" he asked softly.

Shu felt tears welling up and he tried very hard to stop them.

"Was he really here?"

Yuki watched Shu coming around, observing him closely. The time he'd spent sitting and waiting for Shu to wake up was considerable. At first he was simply trying to calm down from arguing with the staff. Then, as he sat looking at the still and silent form, he began to worry. Sanity was a fragile thing; he'd had a fair share of experience with the effects of undue stress and tragedy. Sure, no one wanted to see Ramage…but to go so far as to throw himself onto the floor and continue to be out of control seemed over the top.

"If you mean Ramage, then, yeah. He was here this morning, but he wasn't here very long. You've been out for most of the day, Shu."

Yuki felt a shiver go through the body under his hands, but he made no move to let him go.

Dr. Duprey didn't know his patient's true character, that Yuki was sure of. Seeing him so broken and frightened, and coupling that with his small stature and rather cute features, the doctor wouldn't have a clue what a normally powerful, determined person he was working with. It reminded Yuki of a story he'd read once, about a woman whose daughter had a dangerous allergic reaction, swelling up to twice her normal size. She arrived at the hospital by ambulance with a host of symptoms, but they triaged her as non-emergency. They thought she was a morbidly obese person with some relatively common complications of being overweight and having vague, non-specific complaints. Her mother pleaded with the staff for help, and they dismissed her as overwrought. It was only when the woman had the presence of mind to realize what they must have been assuming and showed them a recent photo of her very slender daughter that the staff reacted; they rushed the girl into treatment, just barely in time to save her life.

Shuichi was the most fearless, bold, positive person Yuki had ever met. He'd never imagined that anyone could be so brash and vibrant before. He suspected that the doctors thought they were nurturing a shy, retiring soul; a personality to match the teary waif-like man that was all they had seen.

He was more resilient than that. His behavior was far more abnormal than the doctors probably realized. Not urging him to talk about his experiences might be making things worse.

"Shuichi, tell me something," he said. "Do you remember falling out of bed this morning?"

There was a nod, nothing more.

"Okay. Tell me what happened." The silence stretched until Yuki broke it again, still watching closely. "Would it be better if I let you go?"

"He was here."

"I know. But you don't usually do a face-plant just because you don't like the company. Did he do something?"

"No, he just…he was too close."

"And? You don't want him close, I know. What is it, Shu? What was going on in your head?"

"In my head?" Shu got an odd look on his face, like he was trapped. Yuki never asked what was going on his head. Generally, he acted as if he knew already and didn't approve.

"Talk to me, Shu. I'm trying to understand. You're doing some things that aren't normal, even for you." He smiled to try and ease the tension. "Tell me from the beginning who you saw today and what happened. I got all my information second-hand."

"Can I sit up now?"

"Sure." Yuki released his hold and went around to the other side of the bed to adjust the angle. "Better?"

"Yeah. Um, I was asleep, you know? And I thought you were here, or maybe Ryuichi, but then he was right in my face and he had those eyes, those weird eyes! He's all…and I just…you know he carries her picture, right? He's…so I just…I had to get away. He was going to…"

"What, Shu? He was going to what?"

"I don't know! Something! Why does he come here to scare me if he isn't with her? She started all this, and now he's going to…I don't know, he's going to finish it!"

"Did he touch you?"

"He couldn't, I was too fast. He…oh. I thought…maybe he touched my hand."

"Are you saying that he made a move at you, or that you just thought he might? Did he say anything threatening? It doesn't sound like he would have had that much time…"

"He was going to! I know it! Don't make me sound stupid!"

"No, no, that's not what I'm trying to do. Not stupid, but maybe because you're scared you're reading things that aren't there. He's a first class bastard, but he's not a thug. He a small dog on a big chain, and if he touched you he'd probably lose his job. This is a job for him, that's all. He's just a guy that gets paid for investigating the crash."

"So if you already know everything why did you ask me?"

"I'm not picking a fight." Yuki raked his hand through his hair. "I didn't mean it that way." This sympathetic listening thing was a lot harder than it looked.

"He's going to do something bad, Yuki, you have to be careful."

"I'm careful, okay? You don't have to worry about me. You think he's some kind of threat?"

Shu turtled his head lower. "I know he is."

"That scares you?"

"Duh."

"What do you think he's going to do?"

"I don't know. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I can't explain it."

"Try."

"Leave me alone!" Shuichi burst out angrily.

"You know what? I can do just that." Yuki stood and shoved the chair aside a little too hard. "I'll try back later, maybe you won't be in such a pissy mood."

It hadn't really occurred to him that it might not go well if he asked Shu to talk about his feelings like he was always bugging to. Shu was still looking down stubbornly. And after all those hours sitting here with him…crap. No use throwing good minutes after bad.

"I'll check back." Yuki went out the door. It wasn't until it closed behind him that Shu pulled the blanket up over his head to cover his face while he fought frustrated tears. Yuki didn't believe that man was up to anything, Shu couldn't hope to make him understand what a menacing presence he really was. Now they were both at risk, because he was too sick to defend himself and Yuki would be too blind to see it coming before it was too late.

The exhaustion from fretting and the residual drug in his system slowly pulled Shu back in to twilight. He was nearly asleep again when he heard the now-familiar slight creak of the door. _Yuki! But wait. Maybe not…_

He pulled the thin cloth off his face quickly.

"Shu? Why the blanket?" Hiro asked, not sure whether to be amused or not.

"Did Yuki tell you to come see me?" he blurted.

"Er, no…should he have? Did he have to leave?"

"I guess."

"Hey, save those frowns for Mr. Drama Queen. I'm here now, you're supposed to be happy to see me." Hiro dropped the rail to sit close on the edge of the bed. Obviously Shu was upset about something, and since Yuki was usually here this time of day, it seemed a fair bet that it wasn't just a coincidence. "How are you feeling today?"

"Is that all anybody asks about? Who cares what I'm feeling. I just want to get out of here."

"Bad day?"

"Don't even go there."

"I heard you had a little accident."

Sullen silence greeted his comment.

Hiro reached over and took his friend's good shoulder carefully, pulling him into a hug in spite of his stiff resistance. "I has to be frustrating being stuck in here."

He felt Shu sigh heavily and then relax against him a little.

"I was thinking it might be too soon, but now I think you need something to do." Hiro released his hold on Shu and sat back, holding out a black object. Finally, his friend was showing some interest. "Here."

Shu took the small leather case and gave a sheepish smile.

"Open it."

Shu took the handheld from the case and grinned when he pivoted the screen up.

"Wow, Hiro…"

"Hey, that wasn't easy to get, believe me. I had to have it shipped from Japan; it just got here today. It's not retro like your old Jornada, but it's pretty cool, don't ya think? And it has a full keyboard and sixteen gig, and you can swap out the micro-SD."

"This is…" Shu's eyes glittered as he reached out for another hug. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk."

"You're not being a jerk, Shuichi. Give yourself a little slack, huh? I think you're pretty darn brave. I can't imagine what I would be doing by now in your shoes." He patted Shu's back before sitting back away again. "Here, look. Jog dial…okay. Now you press the center button twice…and it's a new Word document. Now you can work on some songs when you get bored. I loaded some music and some goofy videos on there, too."

"This is cool." Shu had to work the device one-handed for the most part. But when his eyes started to water, he had to set his new toy on his lap to rub them with the back of his hand. They kept watering, and it took him a bit to fully realize that he was crying.

"Is that straining your eyes?" Hiro asked.

"Why doesn't Yuki believe me? That man is evil." He swiped away another tear. "Damn it. I don't want to cry."

"You and Yuki had a fight?"

"Kind of."

"I thought so. He's been pretty stressed out, whatever stupid thing he did, he probably didn't mean it."

"He wants to know my side of it. Why is it a side? Who's on the other side? I mean, I was the only one there except that guy. So it's my side or his side, and he's taking that guy's side?"

"Whoa, you lost me completely. Side of what?"

"This morning, when I fell. That guy…"

"Agent Ramage."

"If you say so. Agent Ramage, he was in here. I woke up and he was leaning over me, trying to do something to me. I don't know what, I got away before he could even touch me. But Yuki says nooo, he wouldn't touch me. He acts like I'm nuts, and he got all pissed and left. I got mad, too. What did I think, he asks, and then he's all telling me that what I think is wrong."

"Maybe he just was trying to understand a little better." Hiro found that he was a little lost himself, trying to follow Shu's rambling.

"Now you're defending him!"

"No, just trying to get to the bottom of this."

"He doesn't believe me! He doesn't know! They'll be able to walk right up to him, it'll be over before he knows it!"  
"Doesn't know what, Shu?" Hiro asked.

"Agent Ramage. He carried her picture. He's one of them, I know it."

Hiro swallowed. "One of them?"

"Those things, like the one that blew up the plane. He's one of them."

"That thing that blew up the plane…you mean the woman?"

"They aren't people. I think," he lowered his voice until it was nearly inaudible. "They're demons. That's why she's still here."

Hiro stomach grew icy and his heart all but stopped.

"Shu, tell me you don't really believe that."

"Not you too!"

"I just…okay, Shu, listen. I'm on your side. You know that, right? I'm always on your side if there are sides. You can't doubt that."

Shu nodded slowly.

"Don't I sometimes explain things for you that you couldn't understand before? Don't we argue sometimes, and don't you sometimes find out that your opinion ends up changing because of it?"

Shu nodded again.

"Doesn't mean I'm against you. It means I care enough to try and help you get straightened out. We've been doing stuff like that forever…right?"

"I know."

"So just listen a second. You just told me those people are demons and that kind of worries me. You didn't think there was any such thing before. So when you say that, I have to ask why you'd say that."

"I…you think I'm crazy?"

"I don't, Shu. I'm sure you have a really good reason for thinking what you do, but I can't read your mind. Just tell me, don't edit it. Give it to me straight. I'll be straight with you, too, alright?

"Because I've seen her." He peered nervously up, afraid of what he might see in Hiro's expression. It was an attentive look, a little worried. "At night. She doesn't get as close as he did but she's there."

"What...what does she do, Shu?"

"She's watching me. She wants to hurt Yuki. But he doesn't believe me! And now, now your agent, he's there too, and Yuki's too stupid to be careful around him."

Hiro's stomach had completed its descent. He wondered if anyone had realized any of this yet. Probably not, or he would have heard. This seemed dangerously delusional.

"So you've seen her here? When was the last time you saw her?"

"Um…three days ago maybe?"

"Where was she?"

"Right there." Shu pointed to the wall by the door. "If I can't stay awake she follows me into my dreams. But I stayed awake last time she was here, and she left."

_Oh crap._ There was no explaining this away as a dream or something now.

"Did you talk to Dr. Duprey about this, Shu?"

"You do think I'm crazy?"

_This stuff sure sounds crazy_. "No, just…I do think you're confused."

"My head hurts," he passed the handheld back to Hiro and slid down, turning as best as he could onto his side facing away. "So much, I can't talk any more."

Hiro chewed at the inside of his lower lip fretfully. "Can I ask just one more thing? Do you see her now?"

"She's too smart to show up when you're here," he said wearily. "She waits until just before I go to sleep, when nobody else is here. I don't know what her plans are, or why she's keeping me alive."

"You know…I might need to go ask the doctor something here in a bit."

"He's going to do all her dirty work for her. That agent guy."

"Trust me, okay, Shu? I'll make sure no one's going to hurt you. I don't know how you've managed to get any rest with that hanging over your head."

"I sleep when Yuki's here. But he left, and I'm so tired, and it hurts again."

He hesitated. That actually made no sense either. If he was afraid she would hurt Yuki, why would he feel like he could sleep safely when Yuki was here? "Would it help if I stayed?"

Shuichi rolled onto his back to bring Hiro back into view. "Would you? Please?"  
"Of course." Hiro waffled whether to stay on the edge of the bed or take the chair. In the end, he lifted and locked the rail he'd dropped and checked the other one carefully to make sure they were secure, and then settled into the chair. "You must get pretty scared, huh, Shu?"

"Yeah," his voice was a little shaky. "I don't ever remember being so scared. Seems like it's been nonstop since…she just got close to me, even before she did what she did, and it was like she chose me. Now I can't get rid of her."

"She won't come near you when I'm here."

Somehow, Shuichi believed that. He worried that she might hurt Yuki by tricking him, because he was so stubborn and insisted he was too smart to be fooled. But not Hiro. He saw things for what they were.

When Hiro's hand rested on Shu's arm, he could feel that it was trembling slightly. He pressed the call button.

"I'm going to see if they want to give you something for your headache, okay?" _And check your blood pressure._

He had thought that Shuichi was getting pretty close to being back to normal. Discovering his true state of mind was shocking. He would need to corner Dr. Duprey, and definitely make sure that Eiri knew before he came back in here trying to argue sense into Shu again. Hiro didn't know all the ins and outs of these things, but he was pretty sure that you couldn't argue someone into being sane.

He needed to get this information to K to relate to Tohma as well. Whatever they were planning, they needed to hurry up and get on with it while Shuichi was still able to cooperate. They had to make sure that one of them was here with Shu all the time since it seemed to keep those strange delusions at bay.

By the time the nurse came in to answer his page, Hiro's mental to-do list was full of worrisome tasks. He watched her tend to his friend and wondered how any of this could possibly be resolved in time to keep Shu from having to face another visit from his demon agent.

_tbc_


	17. Formulary

Disclaimer - as previous

**Chapter 17 - Formulary**

Surrounded by muted puce cubicle walls, Ramage opened the email marked with the exclamation point of high importance and cursed under his breath. What a way to start the day. He hit reply and typed his objection, but figured it would likely do no good. Travel orders, to attend a briefing at the state capitol, to address the concerns of some politico. Departure was the same day he was supposed to pick up Shindou, if the projected release date he'd been given was correct. Damn it, didn't they notice the dates conflicted? Was that why the approval to detain the man hadn't come through yet? Not just a turnaround, either, he frowned as he scanned the details. A two-night stay at the Emissary Suites hotel overlooking the American River, near a touristy "Old Town" section of micro-breweries, jazz clubs and night spots.

He almost didn't hit the send button. The sweet smell of boondoggle sounded pretty good right now, all of his cases had stupid, complicated problems and were stalled in one stage or another. Another reason he really shouldn't go, though - the clock would still be ticking on his open case time while he was away.

No sooner did his message go out than the reply from his manager popped up in the inbox. The trip was mandatory; all three of the local agents on his detail were being required to attend. Apparently Senator Yoshida had been more than clear on the subject.

Hm. That mean Sharie would be coming, too. He wouldn't mind visiting a few of those clubs and seeing how many drinks it took before she took her thumbs off that Palm Treo and put them where they would do some real public service.

He redirected his browser to the travel site and hummed absently as he browsed through the flight schedules.

A tone alerted him to another high-priority email and he switched windows to check it out. Narrowing his eyes, he sat back and considered this new bit of information from Sharie's InfoGiant queries. N-G, Tohma Seguchi, private jet…well, that made sense now. They probably thought this was going to be easy, that at some point, they would just all climb aboard and make their own way home undetected.

He smiled as he opened a standard form and tapped away, filling it out and faxing it forward electronically. Seizing a plane takes months and administrative approval far beyond his manager. But temporarily locking down a privately rented hanger was comparatively quick and easy, and completely within his span of authority.

The notification of successful fax transmission blinked at the bottom of the screen. He closed the document file after saving it; mission accomplished. Before close of business this evening, that plane should be looking at some serious down time behind unbreakable padlocks. His subjects would still be here, to be gathered up at his leisure upon his return.

He hummed ever happier and switched back to his flight schedule window. Now he had a major enforcement action to log in his case file for today and it only took him all of ten minutes. Sweet.

o0o0o0o0o

News of Shuichi's tweaked reality made Yuki very nervous. He had suspected that things weren't quite right already, but he had no idea it was so bizarre. He himself had sometimes imagined that he'd seen Kitazawa, but he always knew somewhere in the back of his mind that it wasn't really possible. He let himself into the room and Shu was already awake in spite of the early hour, twisting the sheet in his hands and looking blankly at the window. The bedridden man shook his head as if to clear it and it took him a second before the look of recognition lit up his face.

"Yuki!"

"I'm here, brat."

"I get this bigger wrap off my arm, they just told me. Sometime soon they're going to come back and do it." Shuichi's eyes were constantly moving, re-focusing as Yuki grew nearer, and examining every inch of the familiar visage.

"Good, hey, that's great. See, you are getting better every day, aren't you?" He leaned down and applied a kiss to the tousled pink head. Shu grabbed his arm suddenly. In light of what Hiro had told him, he now wondered if the speed was due to enthusiasm or desperation.

"I'm sorry," Shu said quietly.

"No, don't be. I was being an impatient jerk. You know, just being me."

"You're not a jerk." He was clinging tightly to Yuki's arm, and the grip was shaking ever so subtly.

"You're okay, Shu, I'm here. It's all right." So the evidence was there, if he'd known what to look for. Shu was afraid all of the time now, and he was just coping with it as best he could.

"I wish I had your picture for when you're not here."

"I think I can get you one. Hey, how about the picture on the dust jacket? I'll bring you in a book, how's that?"

"G-good."

"Can I ask why you want it?" Yuki ventured carefully. There were the normal reasons you would assume that your lover would want your picture…but Shu's reasoning wasn't something he felt he could assume anything about right now. He hadn't revealed any truly strange thoughts to Yuki yet, maybe because he had been assuming too much and questioning too little.

"I…" he pulled his head down, like he was trying to be smaller or hide. "Just to hold it. So I have something to show."

"Mmm. To show?"

"To prove I was here, I mean, that someone would know if I wasn't here. That you would know."

The blond bit at his lip. "You want have it to prove that there's someone who would know if you somehow left?"

Shu nodded and drew up his knees to his chin.

"Someone is trying to make you leave? Who?"

The way Shu hunched over further and looked away, Eiri thought for a moment that he wouldn't get an answer.

"I don't know their names."

"Have I seen them?"

Shu nodded.

"Are you talking about that woman again, Shu?"

Shu gasped and tried to roll sideways and get up on his knees. He whipped his head around to get this person in sight that he suddenly feared might not really be Yuki. His head slashed him with a bolt of pain that caused him to lose all muscle control. His body collapsed forward and he dropped across the railing with a dull crash.

Yuki was up and restraining him from going over the side, unsure of his intent, and guiding him back onto the mattress. "Hold on now, be careful! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned her. Didn't that hurt?"

Shu was breathless, still trying to turn his head and focus through his pain and confusion. If this wasn't Yuki…but he looked right, his eyes were right, he smelled right…he hadn't shifted or changed shape.

"Shu, Shu, come on now. What is it?"

"If I…" he choked with forced breath. "If I disappear and I have your picture…then you'll have to remember me. If I can just hold on to it you won't forget. I don't know when they're going to take me, but if I just have a picture…"

"No, no…no one's going to take you; and of course I wouldn't forget you. Take you where?" The convoluted logic of the picture was now secondary.

"I don't know where you go when you die. Maybe they'll make me be one of them." Shu's fingers were digging into tender scars on the back of his head and Yuki cringed and took his wrist, forcing his hand away. "Don't, let go. It hurts, I need to make it stop."

"Shuichi, you need to calm down, you're hurting yourself more." Eiri gathered Shu up in a restraining, and what he hoped was a comforting, hold. "Let me help. I won't let them hurt you. I wasn't on the plane, you're right; I wasn't there to save you. But I'm here now. You should let me deal with those people. I'll make them go away."

"They're not people," whispered Shu. "Not anymore."

"I don't care if they're giant pandas in drag. I'll make them go away. Got it? They have no power over me, and it's time for them to go." Eiri pulled Shu a little tighter. "You didn't tell me what was happening. I didn't have any idea, or I'd have been helping you with this sooner."

Shuichi should have responded to that. He should have reacted positively, at least somewhat…having Yuki comfort and protect him was something he always wanted. But instead, he seemed to draw himself inward, closing himself off. The thought that Shu was still slipping away, after they were so sure they had him here and safe, brought a lump to the author's throat.

Shu had grown quiet, and now his pain was lessening with the reduction in tension and movement. He finally relaxed slightly and just concentrated on the feeling of being held close. The warm breath on his neck was definitely Yuki's. He emerged just a little, tentatively letting himself absorb some reassurance from the rise and fall of the chest he was plastered against.

"I know you still have a lot of pain, and I know now that you're still afraid. But no one's going to take you away or hurt you, okay? You believe me?" Yuki tried to pull back to look Shu in the eyes, but the smaller man tightened his hold. The face buried in his shoulder nodded silently.

The door opened and Shu hunkered in closer.

"Just the nurse, Shu," Yuki said, peering down.

"Mr. Shindou, I need you to take your medication now." the nurse said cheerfully. "A little something to make him more comfortable," she said in a kindly aside to Eiri.

Shuichi let Yuki move away just far enough and he took the pills in silent obedience, giving the nurse a shy look.

"That's the way. You're still my favorite patient. Just don't tell the others, okay?" She smiled back and took away the empty containers. "Open up!"

He watched her cross-eyed as she put the disposable thermometer under his tongue.

"No cheating," she winked. "No hot thoughts!"

Shu wrinkled his nose at her in a way that told Yuki they'd been through this routine a few times before. Her overly cheerful, goofy act seemed intelligent and calculated; Yuki thought she was doing it to keep Shu from feeling threatened and it worked pretty well. He seemed comfortable interacting with her and didn't hesitate to do as she asked. She read the temperature and dabbled at her clipboard. "Really good, almost normal. Well, I'll be back to assist when they take the support wrap off of your arm. You behave now." She bounced out of the room, and Shu settled back against Yuki again.

After a few minutes passed, Shu began to get restless and squirmy, and his eyes started to roam somewhat aimlessly. Then he seemed to see something by the door, and startled before shaking his head and staring.

Yuki's eyes narrowed in thought, and he gently tipped Shu's chin for a better look into his eyes. They were glassy and dilated.

_Guess this is just the medication now. Wonder what the hell they're giving him?_

"Shuichi?" Those eyes were looking right through him. "Shu." He waved his hand between their faces until the movement finally caught Shu's attention.

Shu slumped as the stare broke. "I'm tired."

"Hey, Shu, I'm going to step out for a minute, okay? I'll be right back, I'm just going to check on something." The lack of reaction seemed to indicate it would be all right. Yuki headed out into the hallway and up to the nurse's station.

"Hey, how would I go about contacting Dr. Duprey?"

"I can page him to call you. He might be around here this time, but I'm not sure. I don't think he's been in to see Mr. Shindou yet today, so he might be coming by."

"That's fine. If you can just let him know I'd like to talk to him?"

It wasn't until after they finished replacing the cast-like bandaging on Shu's arm with a lighter, more flexible wrap and put him through a set of very painful physical therapy moves that Dr. Duprey arrived. His patient was exhausted and rather dazed at that point.

But Yuki was still there, and with his guidance, Shuichi's strange convictions were brought to light. The doctor began to have his own suspicions and left to get some information from the nurse's desk.

"He doesn't have any kind of history of epilepsy or seizures, does he?" Duprey asked as he returned, absently pushing open the door as he read through a printout.

"No. He was flawlessly healthy before the accident as far as I've ever known."

"Mm. Well, we've got some medications here that certainly aren't helping him with his mental status. I'm not sure why they would keep giving him Ketazol, except there are notations about preventing seizures. You're sure he's never had them? I think I need to consult with the neurologist."

"He had one seizure in the ambulance on the way in, I do remember K saying that."

"Okay, maybe he's still having those kinds of issues and he's just not experiencing any seizures because they're handling it with this medication. Well, this drug can have cognitive side-effects on some people, and he's been on Lorazemin and Dexmaterol. Any or all of those have the potential to be consciousness-altering to some degree. Right now he's receiving subtantial doses of codeine and Flexoran as needed, as well. What I'm trying to say here is, he very much needs our assistance in coping with these strange thoughts, but I don't want you to think that it's a sure sign that he's become, say, schizophrenic or some such. I can't say that he isn't going to have any problems, but it's very likely that a lot of what you're witnessing here is pharmacological."

"Can't you switch him to something else?"

"I wouldn't just go in and start changing prescriptions because of this. It wasn't easy to find the right sedatives to use safely with this combination of drugs; these things require a delicate balance. I need to consult with the other physicians and then we'll see. These are distressing symptoms, but if he needs these particular drugs at this stage of his recovery then all we can do is support him and keep a tighter watch so he doesn't hurt himself."

"What are you saying? Are you talking about me?" Shuichi lifted a tired hand and missed Duprey's arm, even though he was right against the bed.

"He's saying that some of the things that have been upsetting you might just be because of some medicine you're taking." Yuki stood on the other side of the bed and Shu started struggling to sit up further, uncomfortable with being towered over. "They might make you see things."

"I won't take any then."

"No, Shu, you'll still need to take them for now, but..."

"I won't! I'll refuse!"

"Oh boy," Duprey sighed. "Let's talk about your arm, hm? Feel good to get it to where you can at least move it at the shoulder?"

Shu frowned and closed his eyes, making them disappear for the moment.

"You should know that while he's on Ketazol at the dosage here," Dupry addressed Eiri as he tapped the papers in his hand. "he's not considered to be competent for informed consent. You need to be signing and making the decisions for him right now."

"So that's why. Yeah, I have been. I just signed off on another minor procedure for tomorrow."

"Well, it sounds like they're taking appropriate precautions. I know this is very difficult for both of you. Your support is extremely important for his recovery right now. And I have to warn you, there's a brief but unpleasant period of withdrawal associated with discontinuing this medication."

"Withdrawal? You're kidding. I hope there's some way you can make that easier for him."

"I'll be getting back to you. I'll make sure you're informed, whether we can make changes now or not."

He patted Shu's hand. "You have a very good friend here. He's going to keep reminding you that some of the things that have been upsetting you are because of your medication and your injury. You need to listen to him; he's being truthful."

Shu grabbed Yuki again as soon as the doctor left and eventually drifted into sleep without releasing his death grip on the blond's supportive arm.

o0o0o0o0o

"Explain in a little more detail," Tohma encouraged. He wrinkled his nose at the tea in his cup but sipped it anyway. K and Hiro had opted for coffee in the dingy diner and had much better luck with their brews.

"He said the woman was coming to haunt him in his dreams, that he sees her when he's alone and if he falls asleep she follows him. He thinks Ramage is in league with her. And worse…" Hiro shook his head, "He thinks they aren't human. He thinks they're demons."

"Shit, are you sure?" K frowned.

"It came right out of his mouth. No mistaking it." Hiro watched the ripples in his coffee and resigned himself to being far from calm about this development.

"Yuki knows this?"

"I told him, I called and we talked last night on the phone after he got back to the hotel. It was late. Come to think of it, wasn't he with you?"

"I was out late last night. Ryuichi and I were working on something with a business associate, and we ran very late. It must have been…well, the bars here close at two in the morning. I'd estimate three or three-thirty before I arrived back." Tohma sipped the bitter tea again, bobbing for caffeine. "How did he take it? He's under far too much stress as it is."

"He was stunned I guess, just like I was. He did ask a lot of questions, and I told him absolutely everything that happened during my visit."

"And Shindou? Be objective, Nakano. Is he at risk of being detained as a danger to himself? If they institutionalize him, this changes everything." Somewhere in the back of Tohma's mind, unbidden, a spark of unkind hope flared. If Shuichi were trapped here in an asylum and unable to return, and he truly was insane, it really would make Eiri's continued relationship with him untenable. And Tohma would, of course, be right there to help poor Eiri grieve and move on. He would need hand holding and sympathy and so much more…it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world that could happen from Seguchi's point of view.

"He maintains pretty well, they don't even seem to be aware of his crazy ideas."

"But you told Eiri. He'll no doubt be asking questions and trying to do whatever he can to get Shuichi some help. They'll know now." Tohma considered that a little more darkly. Shuichi could be committed because of his lover's loose lips. That was a helping of guilt that Eiri could certainly do without.

"It's a tough call. He obviously needs help. But the results of the extra attention might have unintended side-effects." K said. "If we could just keep him steady for a few more days, that's all we need. He can get all the help he needs once we get him back home."

"He might be too disturbed to transport easily. We can't have him making a scene at the hospital, that would make it very difficult to pull this off."

"Naw, Tohma, we can move him. He's very close to being stable enough physically, that was my biggest worry." K frowned at Tohma. He didn't like the odd way he was spinning this instead of concentrating on their next move. "I'll tell you one thing – Eiri won't leave without him."

"Hell no." Hiro shook his head. "Neither would I."

_Eventually you would_, Tohma thought. _You'd have to_.

"As you say. Well, this is pretty disturbing. Demons. That is quite insane."

"Geeze, man, don't say it that way. He's been going through hell and he's not through yet. He's so afraid they're going to take him away or take Yuki." Hiro winced at Seguchi's rather cold assessment.

"You think he realizes the threat they're under on some level? I mean, he really is at risk of being hauled off and so is Eiri. I thought we'd done a pretty good job of insulating him from it…but maybe not." K pinched at the sweetener packets reflectively.

"Eiri might have tipped him off accidentally…or one of the staff, or the doctors…or maybe Ramage said something about taking him in or arresting them." Hiro nodded.

"You two are making a lot of assumptions. None of those things account for the existence of make-believe creatures and the walking dead. Face it, he's having some sort of breakdown, and it does complicate everything. I need to go see for myself what's going on before I go wasting our resources setting up things that are never going to happen." Tohma drained his tea in an unceremonious gulp and smacked the cup down on the table. "That was absolutely wretched."

"You should switch to coffee while you're here. You'd be buzzin'," Hiro said absently, trying to absorb the possibility that they were going to be stuck here even longer.

But K's mind was buzzing on a whole different level. An edge of worry was creeping in and he wished like hell he could convince himself that he was just imagining things. However it had happened, now the whole situation was in Seguchi's control, including Shu's very fragile well-being. Everything hinged on Tohma's willingness to provide them with an avenue of escape and the assistance of his network of contacts. It was all well and good up until now…but K thought he detected a sour note. Seguchi seemed to be having second thoughts about getting Shu out for Yuki's sake. The initial impression that he was trying to get Shu home over sheer concern for the younger singer was clearly false at this point.

K supposed that he shouldn't be surprised. That first impulse of Seguchi's to help selflessly had been genuine, K was sure of it, then and now. But as time and the situation went on…the N-G giant hadn't made his way to the top by ignoring his own opportunities for personal gain. Being the good guy free gratis was not a natural state for the man. And it was starting to look like the party was over.

K gambled that Seguchi wouldn't hold his insubordination against him forever and dropped the gauntlet.

"I guess I'd better come up with my own plan "B" then. Doesn't sound like you think we can depend on the one you were working on now. There are other ways to get them out of the country."

"What other way?" scowled the smaller man.

"It wouldn't be as safe, but there are ways to smuggle people across the southern border and then arrange for passage from there." K met his employer's eyes levelly, watching for the impact of his words.

"You want to smuggle them out through Mexico? What, is insanity viral? Did you catch it from Shindou? That's far too dangerous and it would be impossible to control all of the variables. You certainly won't take Eiri on some half-baked trip through some lawless outback. I won't stand for it!"

"It's better than having them spend shit-knows how long being stuck here, getting grilled every other day by that gorilla Ramage and maybe even getting locked up at some point."

"No. No, damn it, there's no reason to do something so stupid. They'll get out the way we originally planned. There are just a few new complications, that's all. We'll overcome them. Ryuichi and I were able to get some assistance going yesterday to give us a little more wiggle room. As long as we can stick to the schedule, our window of opportunity should be wide open. My plane is serviced and ready to go when we are." Seguchi was livid, just as K hoped, and was freshly determined to stick with their original plan.

Hiro watched the exchange just a little puzzled, with a sense that there was more going on than was obvious.

"None of it matters if Shu isn't ready to go. How are we going to convince him to get on another airplane after what he's been through?"

K and Tohma fell silent. Tohma raised an eyebrow at K, letting him field the question first.

K gnawed on his lower lip for a moment before responding.

"We don't think it's likely that he can be convinced at this point. Even less so now, with what you've told us."

"But…" Hiro eyed them both.

"It's simple. We're just going to do it. We'll take him, load him aboard, and get going without stopping no matter what he says. He needs to go home. This is the only way. He isn't in any condition to deal with the reasons that we need to remove him as quickly as possible, even if we could make him understand it." Tohma said.

"We'll make sure he gets something to relax him so we don't run the risk of more injuries. But make no mistake – it isn't likely to be easy for him, or anybody else for that matter." K drummed his hands on the tired wood of the tabletop. "It's a huge hurdle. It's a good thing he's not very strong yet."

"Man." Hiro rubbed his face with his hands and studied the ceiling. "How's he ever going to get his head back together after all this?"

"We'll get him home safe, and we'll keep a close eye on him and support him however he needs it. Shu's deeply attached to the people he considers his friends. I don't think he'd ever give up as long as someone is there rooting him on."

"Aw, now that was nicely put, K. Almost poetic. Look, I'm going to have to get some rest, last night was brutal. I have to do some more confirmation on our plans. Anything – and I mean anything – that changes our departure date, I need to know immediately. Hiro, you and K need to take turns monitoring Shuichi's status. Remember, Eiri must have no knowledge of what's about to happen. If they pick him up for interrogation and he admits to any plan to slip out of the country, he's screwed. He needs to stay in the dark. This way is best." Tohma stretched irritably and suppressed a yawn. If Eiri wasn't so damned stubborn, he'd try and convince him that it would be best if he left for Japan on the N-G plane now. That way, Shuichi would have plenty of time to linger in the hospital while they addressed his ever-mounting issues. And sure, Tohma would send the plane back for him, and no doubt Hiro and K and Ryuichi could do a perfectly adequate job of overseeing his progress and escorting him home. If only his brother-in-law would listen to reason for once, Seguchi's life would be so much easier.

Their impromptu meeting adjourned, the waiting limo delivered Tohma to his hotel before driving the other two back to Ryuichi's home. The driver observed it all with cool professionalism and kept his opinions to himself for the most part. But Ben was a loyal employee and he truly didn't like the fact that Tohma had taken Ryu for some so-called business meeting at the break of dawn yesterday, dressed in that questionable clothing. They were gone all day and in the end, the petite blond was alone when he called for pick-up at a bar in the wee hours of the morning. Ryu still hadn't paged for a ride home. Ryuichi didn't do well when he drank, he wasn't a party boy, and he didn't do one-night stands these days. Whatever he'd gotten into, that self-important little man had gotten him into it, and it didn't feel right.

Ben checked his watch and frowned as he followed the men into the house. No signs of life, except for Sakano's quiet greeting while the serious young man was still tapping away on the computer in the living room. Ben waited until they had gone to their respective rooms, and on the way to wait in his casita he detoured to peer into Ryu's master bedroom. It looked untouched.

It was one thing to watch Ryuichi trying to help his friend, and quite another to watch another of his so-called friends orchestrate risks to his well-being.

When the cell phone finally chimed late in the afternoon, he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that familiar number. He wasn't quite so thrilled when the dry, exhausted voice on the other end gave him an unfamiliar address to pick him up at; a high-rise apartment an hour away. He wasn't sure what else he'd been expecting, but having his suspicions confirmed was nearly as painful as worrying and waiting. He only hoped that whatever the reason Ryuichi had let himself be used, it had been worth it.

_tbc_


	18. False Impressions

Disclaimer: as previous

_Our evil Agent Ramage is from a mythical govt agency, very FBI-like...but the real FBI has Mulder and Scully and we can't be thinking bad thoughts about them. So we'll say he's with the...hmmm...FIA? Federal Intelligence Agency? (feel free to comment about that being an oxymoron) CBI? Central Bureau of Investigation?... agency name suggestions gladly accepted._

**Chapter 18 False Impression**

"Sorry, man, Ryuichi's driver was gone for like two hours picking him up from somewhere. I definitely would have been here sooner."

Yuki stretched and shifted his head to let his neck crack. "It's all right. We've just been hangin' out, huh, Shu?"

Shuichi nodded silently.

"I'm going to go for a while, brat. Hiro will keep you company. I'm going to talk to him for a minute first, okay? Just in the hall, right out here."

They stepped out into the hallway, feeling the pressure of that wide-eyed, worried stare.

"So? Any change?" Hiro's smile faded as the door closed and hid his face from Shu.

"Dr. Duprey is checking on his medications. Says that the drugs he's been taking could be the cause of it. He's real twitchy today. Watch his hands, he really get rough trying to stop the back of his head from hurting. And it seems he's got the idea in his head that he's about to be abducted, murdered and posthumously turned into a demon. You know, your usual stuff," he concluded sarcastically.

"They aren't talking about putting him in a mental ward, are they?" Hiro had agreed to keep tabs on that for K and Tohma, but it had been a gnawing worry of his own as well.

"Shit, me first; I'll go quietly. No, seriously, nothing like that. They're good with him, just trying to help. If you need anything, they're right there. Shu's kind of growing on them, I think. I'm still waiting to find out if they're going to switch his meds. They've had him on something for seizures, and if they take him off of it, he'll have some kind of withdrawal period. On top of that, if it really was suppressing seizures, he might start having them again. They'll really need to watch him closely."

"I guess I'd better get back in there."

Hiro went back in, and Yuki paused in the doorway. "I'm going, Shu, I'll be back after a while."

Shu began protest, and Hiro stepped up close to catch his attention. "He'll be back. And until he comes back, I'll be here."

"Hiro. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I didn't mean it. Sit down, don't go yet."

The door shut silently, unnoticed now. Eiri took a moment for a deep breath before heading down the hallway, giving a last listen for any disturbance. It must have been okay, all was quiet. Hiro truly was a good friend to Shuichi. He stretched again and headed down the hallway, glad the walk to the hotel was short.

o0o000oo

They were watching a cooking competition on the television and Hiro was cracking jokes that had Shu smiling a few times. I really felt good to see him smile. Hiro couldn't resist giving him a hug of relief, because he had started to wonder if his friend would ever have another happy thought again. Then it came, briefly and just once - that uniquely bubbly giggle. It was just so Shu, and it had been sorely missed.

"I'm glad you came to see me."

"It's been great. You're just watching the tube and taking it easy, right? No weirdness or anything?"

"Nuh, since you've been here, things seem kind of normal." Shu scratched at his arms absently, then his shoulders.

Twitchy, Yuki had said. He supposed the scratching might part of that. But then Shu's good arm crept up and his hand was going to the back of his head.

"Ah, Shu, what's that you're doing?" Hiro reached up and caught the offending arm by the wrist. "Leave your head alone, you know better."

"You're not the boss of me," Shu pouted insincerely with a hint of a smile, but he did put his arm back down.

Voices just outside the door silenced them for a few seconds. The voices continued, too subdued to understand, but when the door didn't swing open right away they started to disregard them.

"You want I should go tell them to shut up?" Hiro teased. "I'll be like, hey, don't you know how big the guy is that's trying to sleep in there? He'll kick your..."

The door cracked open, and Duprey came in first. The tall neurologist was with him, and they were trailed by two nurses.

The sight of so many people, all focused on him intently, shot Shuichi into red alert immediately.

Dr. Duprey rather expected that, though.

"Mr. Shindou, I've brought some folks to help me. I hope you don't mind. Now, now, no one's going to harm you. We're just going to replace one of your medications, and we want to make sure that we do it in a way that's safe and as easy on you as possible."

Shu's hand was up defensively.

"Hey, Shuichi, I'm here, remember?" Hiro said, coming around to the far side of the bed to face the staffers, too. He turned his attention to the doctors. "Is it the seizure medicine?"

"Yes, we're going to discontinue it. He's already missed one dose, so he's got a head start. Are you feeling all right, Mr. Shindou? Any unusual discomforts? Anything you've observed, Mr., ah…I'm sorry..?"

"Nakano. He seems to be itchy and restless."

"Ah, yes, Mr. Nakano. That sounds about right. It will get quite a bit worse before it gets better. Does he seem to be a little more perceptive to you?"

"Maybe."

"I don't like this," Shu blurted.

"I understand," Duprey said. "I've got a little something to help with those raw nerves. But we need to take some precautions and we'll need you try and be understanding about it. It won't be for long."

"What?"

The nurses were approaching with soft restraints.

"No. I don't need those. Don't."

"Hold on," Duprey said to the nurses, and they backed off. "Take this pill, it will help."

The slender neurologist had approached casually while his patient was distracted and began assessing his poorly controlled movements. He saw nervousness and irritable movement, but no sign of involuntary spasms yet. He smiled at Shu with a touch of sympathy. The young man looked terrified.

"I don't see anything here to worry about at the moment," he said reassuringly. "You'll have a much easier time coping once we get you off of this medicine. I think you'll see a big difference."

"How long?" Hiro asked. "How long before he feels better?"

"Oh, this particular drug has a very short life in the system. Really, he'll be past the worst of it by morning It's just that, until then, he will experience some pretty significant discomfort. And we need to make sure that he's situated so that he can't hurt himself."

"I don't want any more discomfort," Shu snapped.

"That's what the pill is for."

"Take the pill, Shu, it's to make it easier for you," Hiro urged.

"You…who are you? You're not my friend, he would never…let go! Let go!"

"Keep going, let's just get this done," Duprey directed, holding a wrist for the nurse to secure to the rail.

"No…you! You planned this! You made Yuki leave and then…he wouldn't have…tell them to let me go! Make them stop it!"

"Shuichi, no, it's really me. This is best, I know it's hard to understand…"

"Stop it! Shut up with using his voice! Hiro would never do this! Get away, all of you!"

But they'd already completed the task with no particular difficulty, in spite of his resistance. Now that he was restrained, they gave up on the pill and administered a shot.

"It's not going to be pleasant, and it's unlikely that he'll be able to get much comfort from having you here, as much as you would like to help him. It would be better for you if you left and came back in the morning."

"What, and just leave him like this?"

"He's going to be 'like this' if you're here or not."

"I'm disappearing, it's too late," Shuichi whimpered, almost too low to hear. "You let them take me."

"No, Shu, you're not disappearing. You're still here, and I'm going to stay with you."

"Go away," Shu muttered, uncoordinated in his weakening, almost slow-motion jerking against the restraints now. "Gway." His eyes wouldn't quite stay open now.

"No…" Hiro fell silent.

"Mr. Nakano, give yourself a break. Seriously, we'll be watching over him, and the delirium will be quite distressing for you. He really won't remember much, if any of this, and he won't be lucid enough to gain any real comfort from anyone for a while. It's pointless for you to put yourself through this."

Hiro looked hesitant.

"Someone on duty will be looking in on him constantly. You have my assurances on that." Duprey led him to the door.

He still wasn't sure, but the doctor was insistent. Shu looked like he was nearly out, eyes closed now and barely moving. He went to the nearest waiting area and pulled out his cell to call Yuki.

o0o0o0o0o

Shuichi crouched behind a car, but the voices came closer. After being assaulted and photographed and taunted cruelly, he had little left to protect him but the wad of defiled clothing in his hands. He could hear their footsteps, searching for him, loudly shouting in startling bursts of sound meant to scare him out. He had thought they were finished with him when they kicked him in his aching ass and told him to get the hell out of here. But apparently, they just wanted to add the fun of a chase.

The sound of the elevator opening echoed in the cold steel and cement of the high-rise parking garage. A normal sounding conversation leaked out, followed by casual footsteps.

Shuichi was torn between his need for rescue and his shame at being seen naked, used and beaten. Unable to bring himself to move out into the open, he used the movements of the passers-by to mask the sounds as he scurried painfully around the row of cars and faded further away from the last place he'd heard the mocking calls for his surrender.

A car door opened and the engine started. It felt like a temporary blanket of sound, and he dropped to his butt to yank on his loose pants. Pain shot clear up his spine from the movement but he desperately wanted to be covered up, to have some small defensive barrier, some tiny shred of modesty.

Before he could slip the shirt back on, a hand slid over his mouth and pressed tight.

"Don't scream. Don't cry. Not a sound, do you hear me?" hissed the rough voice in his ear. "You still feel hot. Ready for round two?"

"No!" moaned Shuichi against the muffling hand. His vision filled with the legs of another of his assailants, approaching him confidently.

"Oh, my…is that more for me?" the darker man laughed, bending down so their faces were close when he drew near enough. His breath was sour and reeked of nicotine and alcohol. "When Taki described this gig I never imagined it would be so much fun. You're like our little toy. It almost seems like a crime, getting paid for this."

"It is a crime, you fucking moron," laughed the third man coming up from behind, unseen, slapping Shu across the back of the head. Tears were rolling over the hand pressing his mouth shut. "We should keep him for a while. I have a place where they'd never find him. And when we're though with him – disposal will be a piece of cake."

His head was jerked back hard. "Stop it. I said no crying. You're getting my hand all wet."

"He likes wet. Don't you, little slut? Let's take you somewhere and give you some more of what you want."

They lifted him to his feet, manhandling him in place. Although the hand was gone from his mouth, his terror still sealed it shut. His fright was enough now that it far exceeded his reluctance to reveal his mortifying condition. But his fear held him mute, too frozen to scream, and there was no one to see as they hauled him helplessly down the aisle. The cement ceiling of the garage blurred and brightened and he sensed more than saw the shift to a new location.

He finally found his voice. They were trying to shut him up, and he was trying his damnedest to scream for help and get away. Without comment they released him, and he fell and fell until he hit water with the impact of brick wall. He grabbed onto a familiar-looking cushion floating nearby, and searched the vast, empty horizon for any sign of land or life.

As far as the eye could see, there was nothing but the endless ocean. Then he looked down.

The three men were under the water, circling his legs. How they could stay under like that without air was a mystery. It occupied his mind with nervous curiosity, until the first hand grabbed his ankle and yanked down.

His ineffective struggle to fight off all of those hands and keep his head above water translated into a fair share of thrashing in his hospital bed.

"That's an awful lot of muscle movement."

"That's why we don't want to give him any more medication right now. We won't be able to judge if he's still having seizure issues."

"I see. Looks like this is going to be a rough one, then."

"Get some blankets and we'll pad the rails a bit more."

"Yes, Doctor."

It was a significant oversight to leave Shuichi in his regular room to ride this out over night. The noise so far was only leaking into the hallway. But in the quiet early morning hours, he might be disturbing patients in other rooms. If they were to move him, it was now or never, before things got more physical.

The door opened and Yuki came in quickly, as if to prevent any comment that might be meant to turn him away.

"Ah, Mr. Uesugi," sighed Duprey. "Did Mr. Nakano explain?"

"Yep. Shuichi…hey, Shu…" he reached down and touched Shu's sweaty forehead. The fierce jerk of reaction caused him to draw back. "Shu."

"It's best if he gets as little stimuli as possible."

"Don't touch him, you mean."

"Or address him by name. You won't spare him any pain or distress. It merely agitates him."

"How is he?"

"Good, considering. No surprises. No convulsions."

"Is he out?"

"Oh, no, he's fully awake. But the things he's perceiving right now are all in his head. Memories, nightmares, imaginings…when he first comes out of it, he'll have some impressions of this, but typically patients fail to retain any of it. It shouldn't have a negative impact on his mental health, burdened as it already is."

Yuki nodded. Shu's face was bright red and wet with sweat, and the expression was changing constantly.

"I'm debating now whether to move him to the psychiatric wing or place a bite restraint on him to reduce his verbalization."

"You mean gag him."

"In effect. I guess that tells me what your vote is."

"No. I think you should leave him in his room. Even if you have to gag him." Eiri cringed at the idea of the mental ward even moreso than the idea of a gag. If they decided to leave Shu in the psych ward, it might complicate things for them later. And being 'mental' might fit the profile of your average airplane saboteur. Moving him just sounded like a bad idea all around.

"Very well. I'll tell you what I told Mr. Nakano. You…"

"He told me. Save it. I'll stay out of the way. I'll leave if it gets to me."

Shu was twisting on the bed and began to heave. For a moment the doctor began to move to signal the staff in case it was the beginnings of a fit.

The heaving slowed to loud, guttural cries of discomfort. The call for staff was aborted.

"Once I get him situated with the gag and see that he's safe, I need to be moving along. He'll have an RN to monitor him through the night and the physician on duty is aware. I'll be back in the morning." Duprey watched the blond pull up a chair and sit next to the head of the bed. "Try not to stay too long. Come back in the morning, when he'll need you, and it can do him some good."

"Yeah. I know."

And Eiri was there for Shu the next morning. But it was because he never left the entire nightmarish night.

o0o0o0o0o

There was a correlation between being grossly nauseated and being in the throes of withdrawal. As soon as Shu could keep down a cup of water he was able to recognize Yuki's tired face and accept the touch of his hand without flinching.

The exertions from the night before left Shu sore and mentally numb. His first act now that he had gotten clean was to fall asleep, snoring like a chain saw, on Yuki's arm.

When he woke again after a couple of hours, things seemed a bit more stable. The last things he remembered confused him, and they didn't add up logically. It seemed like impossible things had been happening, and he wasn't at all sure how these fantastical beliefs had ever been his. He asked in a tentative, timorous way about any strange things he may have said. It only made sense when Yuki told him he had been on medication that made him hallucinate. Yuki had even asked if he still worried about the demons. That was certainly embarrassing. This whole thing was hard to get his head around. And according to Yuki he had believed that the dead were coming to life, including terrorists that were stalking him? He did have terrible, frightening thoughts and memories that seemed realistic and true, and it was an enormous relief to think that they were the product of some drug that he'd no longer have to take. It was nothing short of wonderful. He would have given anything for it all to be a nightmare, and here it had been. It was like waking up and finding out the man-eating monster under your bed was just your teddy bear.

Hiro had arrived and backed up Yuki's story. Not that Shu had doubted him. But it was comforting to hear it confirmed. It had all been in his head, and it was over. The images were so vivid it would take a very long time to rid himself of them. It was something to look forward to.

"We really were worried about you, Shu. You really had some far-out ideas stuck in your head," Hiro said. "Does it help at all yet?"

"I feel a little better. I…I guess it's all been strange. Demons, that's nuts. So weird…yeah. It feels good now, though. It feels really good. It's such a relief, just…" Shu wore a slight, offset smile as his sentence meandered looking for the right words.

"I'm glad you feel better. It's good to see you smiling!" Hiro's grin encouraged him.

"How could I smile in that nightmare?" His eyes got a little distant, then sharpened and he let out a deep breath. "I'm just so glad it was all in my head."

Hiro nodded and breathed his own sigh of relief. Yuki started to reach for Shu with a more confident look.

"You still need to take it easy, brat. Try not to think too hard."

"But then, I don't know why I'm here for real. Did I get hit by a car or something?"

The two men froze.

"Shuichi…" Yuki started, then stopped.

"Yuki?" Shu's smile fell flat. "Please? Don't look at me like that."

Hiro closed his eyes as he took Shu's hand, and Yuki took the other. Their assurances and comfort for the trusting singer had been too general, it had unintentionally gone too far. Correcting it was going to be painful. It was a hard moment of realization, and harder still to give Shu the bad news. "It wasn't that _everything_ was a hallucination, Shu. I'm so sorry if we gave you that impression." Hiro's voice was harsh with regret.

"No. Oh, no, no…it couldn't be." Shu's lower lip began to shake. "Not the plane, not all those people…all those bodies…"

"I'm sorry, Shuichi. It is true. That part really happened. You were just confused about the things you experienced afterward. I think you've had fairly accurate memories of the crash." Yuki spoke slowly and softly.

"The crash…it couldn't have happened," he whispered, almost to himself. "No, I don't want it to be true. But…I died, I drowned, that's impossible! So maybe you're wrong! Maybe this is a dream right now."

"No ,Shuichi. I wish I could change what happened, but I can't." Hiro said.

"You're trying to tell me I'm the lucky one?"

"Not the only one, Shu-chan, there were other surviviors." Yuki reached out with is free hand and lightly traced fingers into the pink strands of hair. "You nearly drowned. You may remember something of that. You didn't die or you wouldn't be here, you know that."

"I don't want it to be true, I thought you said it was just in my head," his voice wavered.

"The things afterward, with the demons and the dead coming to see you. Those things aren't true."

"I don't want it to be true, I don't want to remember them in the ocean anymore. I want…I want all of them to get off the p-plane and get their bags and talk on their cell phones." Tears were rolling off of his chin to dot the faded print on the front of his gown. "So they can go home and see their families and be in one piece again. Why would anyone be so evil? How could they?"

Yuki carefully hugged his distraught lover. "It's all right, try to take it easy. I love you, Shu, I'm sorry we weren't clearer."

"You tell me that," Shu said in distress. "You tell me that you…you said love…"

"Yes, and I mean it." He felt Shu pull away a little, then push him away to arm's length.

When he spoke again, his voice was strained and doubting.

"But you don't …you didn't…you don't say that to me." He had desired it so much, maybe it wasn't real. It was so impossible to get a hold on what was real and what wasn't. Nothing frightened him more at this moment than the thought that Yuki wasn't really here to cling to. With everything else so unstable he needed him desperately. He didn't know what to do.

"I do now. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that it was cruel to keep it from you." He kept his moves slow and deliberate, hoping to offset Shu's rising panic. Poor Shu looked like he was verging on a breakdown. Their misguided assurances had done far more to destabilize him than to help. His drug-induced illusory thoughts had been taken care of. But just as the doctors had warned, it didn't resolve anything as far as the trauma was concerned.

Shu was stiff and still holding him away, in spite of his churning guts aching for him to curl up into Yuki and soak up his protective comfort.

"We really screwed this up, Shu. We were trying to help." Hiro took back the hand that had slipped from his to push Yuki away, and he rubbed it gently. Yuki took the opportunity to move back in closer.

Shuichi reacted immediately, sitting bolt upright and twisting out of their hands, waving his good arm to back them off.

"Get back!"

"Okay, okay," Yuki sat back, taking his arms away. Hiro backed away across the room clear to the counter to lean against it quietly. "We'll get back. We just want to do whatever makes you the most comfortable."

"I don't know what to do," Shu said, a last tear tracking down his cheek. "I need you, I do, but…you're scaring me, and nothing makes sense and I don't know what to do." He brought his hand up and began worrying at the pain in the back of his skull.

Yuki and Hiro shared a helpless look.

"Shu, don't mess with that," Hiro warned. If anything, Shu dug his fingers in harder.

"Get somebody," Yuki motioned to the door with his head. Hiro nodded and started for help.

"Are you leaving?" Shu gasped.

"Just for a minute."

"Ask about Dr. Duprey, too," Yuki said. "He was supposedly coming by this morning, but he hasn't been in yet." He turned his attention back to Shu. "Stop that, Shu, or I'm going to hold your arm and stop you myself. It's your decision."

The fingers took one last hard dig into the aggravating ache in the back of his head before falling to grip the blanket.

"I've been sitting with you on the bed quite a bit. You seemed to like it. Do you remember that?" he continued more softly.

Shu shook his head.

Yuki gripped the bedrail, ready to lower it slowly out of his way to sit next to Shu.

"I'm just going be next to you, if that's all right ."

Shu nodded, but moved away slightly. He didn't look over when the thin mattress flexed under him with the added weight, but instead stared blindly down at the cloth of the thin blanket draped across his hips. His headache was exquisitely painful from the rise in blood pressure from this upset. His main focus was to keep his hand down, to stop the threat of someone holding his arm and stopping his movement. But it was very difficult, and his progress on trying to figure things out was at a halt. Pain had a way of pre-empting other thoughts and feelings when it got severe enough. Right now just getting the thought together to make his hand behave was almost beyond his ability.

He couldn't make the stretch to consciously hear whatever was being said next to him now. There was a voice, but he'd have to get back to it later.

Yuki saw that Shuichi was stiff, almost rigid, and he no longer reacted to his words. He kept talking for a while though, hoping to make a little comforting background noise even if he didn't really get anything else across. By the time Hiro came back with a nurse the room was dead silent.

When the nurse tried to ease Shu back from his position sitting hunched forward on the bed, his rigidity raised an alarm.

"How long has he been tensed up like this?" she tried pushing him back again, then started taking vital signs hurriedly. All of his muscles were clenched tight, almost cramped. It could be a type of seizure given the warnings on his chart. "Mr. Shindou? Can you hear me?"

"In this position? Maybe ten minutes. No more than that. More than five. I'm not sure."

"What happened?" Hiro asked.

"Nothing. He just got quiet."

"He was pretty upset," Hiro offered.

"His blood pressure is really up there." She probed here and there for reflexes and with relief noted that he was not completely locked up. She knew the pressure would cause a great deal of pain in his head, and aggravate any pain in his jaw and arm. Shu's IV lines were gone now, but she checked to confirm that they'd left a port on the back of his hand to administer medication. "It's been a proper interval, I can give him something to calm him and that should ease the pain a little. Let's see if that helps." She scurried out of the room, leaving the two men to hold their breath and wait.

Hiro really didn't want to be the one to relay this latest development to Tohma. He realized that there was a practical factor to Shu's condition as far as their ability to get him back home. But it really rankled him the way that Tohma made Shu's agonies sound like nothing more than the businessman's personal inconvenience.

So he excused himself for a moment, stepped out, and called K instead.

"Why don't I come by?" K offered as Hiro began to stammer trying to describe the situation. "Benj, er, the driver can give you a lift back on his return trip if you want. I can stay a while."

"I don't know about leaving, but I think I'd be great if you could come see for yourself. I can't tell how much of this you guys would think is relevant."

"Sure. I won't be long."

The nurse had already been in and out again by the time Hiro finished his phone call and hit the men's room and the water fountain. Shuichi was flat on his back with his eyes half-closed, watching Yuki with more wary interest than fear.

Yuki was driving himself crazy over Shu's refusal to be touched. This was so backwards. It was another lesson on just how difficult rejection was, especially when it came from your significant other. He wanted to comfort Shu, but there was no denying that it was to make himself feel better as well. The distress he was feeling was making that all too obvious.

When Shu finally lifted a tentative hand towards him, it was all he could do to force himself to take it slowly.

"Shu-chan," he smiled, letting out a breath he'd been holding forever. "Your hand is cold. Let me warm it." He sealed the smaller hand in between both of his , letting his warmth slowly ease the chill.

It was a soothing gesture, and Shu was receptive to it now, on the downward spiral away from the earlier pain and tension.

So by the time K arrived, there really was nothing to observe.

"Crisis averted?" K asked Hiro as an aside, as he smiled at Shu and Eiri benignly in greeting.

"Looks like."

"Good. Calm and quiet are good things." K wasn't sure if Hiro had been accurate or just freaking out. Hiro never showed much sign of strain, he was a very self-confident, solid sort of guy with a remarkable ability to go with the flow and take others into consideration. Freaking out seemed pretty unlikely. "Thanks for alerting me in case this didn't end up so well."

"Yeah. No prob. I think I might take that ride back after all," Hiro said.

K acknowledged Hiro with a nod, and watched as Yuki gave him a worried look over Shu's head before carefully wrapping an arm around him. The author looked like he was feeling for a land mine. Something had definitely gone down here today.

"Hey. How goes it?" K asked softly, going with the apparent flow of handling the patient with extra care.

Shu peered at him hesitantly. "K."

Hm. He couldn't tell if that was his name, or short for 'okay'.

"Did something happen, Shu?"

He obviously didn't want to talk about it.

K went ahead and parked himself in the chair next to the bed. He reached for Shu's hand like it was the most natural thing in the world and pretended to ignore the fact that he'd only been able to succeed because he was a heartbeat faster than Shu's reaction to jerk away.

"You really are doing well, Shuichi – do you understand that? Your recovery is going very well. You might have lost your arm. Did you know that? When you arrived here, it didn't seem like they could fix it. But they did, and look, now you can move your fingers, and your shoulder, and with a few more little procedures you should have a workable elbow again."

Shu was frozen, staring and listening. It was news to him. If he'd been told this before, he'd forgotten.

"Your jaw was very badly broken. But they put it back together, and you got to keep all your teeth, and you seem to have pretty good use of it already. Don't you?"

Shu nodded solemnly.

"Now we come to your head. You had the most severe head injury I have ever seen. I still hurts, I know. It's going to hurt for a long while, off and on. They've been telling you that. It's true. You probably shouldn't be here, with everything that happened to you. But you know what? You're here because you wanted to live. You fought like hell to stay alive. We scooped you out of the water barely in time. But if you hadn't been so tough, we would have been too late. You made all the difference. And so far, we've been getting all the rewards. We get to have you here with us, Shu, and it means a lot to every one of us. If there was anything any one of us can do to help you, to ease your pain, to make it better, we really really want to do that. You just have to tell us. And if there's anything we're doing that hurts you, we want to know that, too, so we can stop."

Shuichi was quiet and seemed to be thinking, taking K's words in. It was true, Yuki was doing things that made him feel better. Hiro had been worried and overly kind even for him. It made sense with what K said. They weren't hiding anything, or trying to trick him. When they moved he had been worried about what they might be doing. But they weren't going to do anything bad to him, they were his friends.

"You get what I'm saying?" K asked kindly. "You don't ever have to wonder about your friends, Shuichi. When they reach for you, it's to help you, or hold you, or lend you a hand. Never to hurt you, not on purpose."

Shu's head bowed and he lowered his eyes. He kind of felt bad now about all the fussing he'd been doing. He felt kind of stupid for having been confused about something he knew so well.

Yuki pulled him a little closer, trying for a little of his attention.

"He's right you know."

Shu nodded, still looking down.

"No one thinks you've been giving them a hard time. Everyone knows how difficult this is for you. Don't feel bad, Shu. Yuki understands, too. People don't go through anything much harder than this."

Shu felt Yuki's lips press on his forehead, and he didn't understand at all why that made him want to cry, but it did. He fought hard but tears are tricky. They managed to slip past anyway.

He knew it made Yuki and K feel bad to see him cry, yet here he was crying again, and that made it worse.

"Come here. Come on." Yuki pulled him into his chest and rubbed his back soothingly. It felt comforting, but Shu was embarrassed at his own foolishness.

Yuki was just relieved that he was finally able to hold Shu tight without being pushed off. He startled the young man in his arms when he said, "It feels good to hold you. Just let me worry about things for a while, will you, Shu? Just leave it to me and relax, and I'll make sure nothing bothers you."

Shu clung tighter, and it was all the answer Yuki needed.

"I think I'll leave you two alone now. I don't think you guys need me hanging around. It looks like Shu's feeling pretty safe right now."

"Finally. I hope so," Yuki sighed into the tousled pink hair. He gave a grateful look to K and Hiro as the men quietly made their way out of the room, leaving them to settle in and get comfortable together in private.

o0o0o0o

"It's Zamperini. Make sure the driver knows ahead of time, Ryu." Tohma smiled into the cell phone and ended the call, crossing the last sidewalk to enter the hospital. Lots of activity today, but so far, he had been prepared for everything. He just found out that the hangar he'd rented for his plane to park in had been locked down. Too bad for Agent Ramage that the plane inside, tail numbers covered with tarps as it was presumably going through some repair work, wasn't his. He'd swapped hangars with a friend and it was his corporate jet. Their plane was safely located in another airport altogether. It wasn't far, and it wasn't anywhere near as busy; he could file the flight plan there at the last minute. By the time anyone figured out they were gone, they should be well over international waters.

That is, if their plan went off without delay. If all this drama over Shuichi's condition meant they had to postpone departure, the time Tohma's connections had been able to buy for them would pass along with their window of opportunity. The accursed agent was only being called away for two nights. As soon as he arrived back, he would likely find out about the error with the plane, and things would get dangerously sticky.

The little scene that met his eyes in Shindou's room was touching indeed. He'd never seen Eiri so solicitous of anyone, ever. His brother-in-law, bitter cynic, major hard-ass and cool customer, was caressing that little abomination's hair like he was his pet monkey. Tohma's inner green-eyed monster rattled his rib cage. Even in his wildest dreams, he'd never wished for such a delicious display of affection. It took a significant effort to paste on a smile and keep the anger out his voice. He drew on his corporate wiles, reminding himself that he had a financial stake in the well-being of that creative property leaning hesitantly against Eiri on the bed.

As much as he would have liked to spike the kid's next sleeping pill with cyanide even in spite of the financial impact, the pain it would cause Eiri was blatantly obvious. And in the end, his unrequited adoration always won out, even over his own desires. He swallowed it all down, as usual, and did what was best for Eiri.

"We're all 'go' for tomorrow, Shu, to transfer you to a little bit nicer place." No way as he revealing to Shindou or Eiri any part of their plan. As far as they were concerned, this was the transfer to the nursing facility. It was still the official story that was placating the hospital into releasing Shu this early. It was still the story they'd fed to Ramage to make him think he was being kept up-to-date on their whereabouts.

Shuichi was nervous but coping. He was a little distracted by Yuki's unusual behavior, and that helped. The changes in his relationship with Yuki were finally making some sense, and his mind was well occupied with clutching at the concept of being loved and trying to imagine how it would be if it lasted beyond his convalescence.

"We were going to take you by ambulance, but I think we might use the car instead so you're more comfortable. We aren't sure yet. You'll be okay if we take the car, right? Ryuichi would have his driver take us." Tohma's face was impassive, his eyes moving from Shuichi's face to watch the play of Eiri's hands.

"Is Ryu coming?"

"He'd ride with us, sure. And Eiri and K and Hiro…I would like to go, too, and make sure everything is right for you."

"I don't like to move. But I don't like it here, either." He knew how dumb that sounded after he said it. He still didn't have a good hold on these unreasoning fears, but he had enough of his thinking back together to recognize which feelings were normal and which ones weren't. Even so, he couldn't suppress his reactions quite yet. That feeling of being anxious just wouldn't go away.

"I'm afraid the only way to get out of here is to move, Shuichi." _Still not all there_, Tohma tsk'd mentally.

"I know." He twisted nervously at the loose end of the wrap on his forearm. "You're right."

"Are you making any progress with getting back on your feet?"

"They tried, but even with two people holding him up it was just a step or two. His sense of balance is just starting to make a comeback." Yuki interjected. "They don't want him up yet anyway. It's too dangerous if he should fall and hit the back of his head again."

"Now, we're not really familiar with the area, so we need to make sure to get a good supply of your medications on hand. I'm going to go work on that. And, Eiri, if you can get in touch with that doctor – Duprey, was it? And get something for nerves? You know, for a…long ride?"

Yuki nodded. He was pretty sure now that they weren't just taking some car ride to another facility. The sudden anxiety kicked him in the gut, but he took it like a man. He pasted on a smile for Shu and left for the nurse's station to track down Duprey.

Shu's hand came up, reaching out almost unconsciously towards Yuki's back as he disappeared out the door. His eyes turned and caught Tohma in an unguarded look; the glare made him shiver, going wide-eyed in alarm.

Tohma smiled disarmingly. "Now, now, Shuichi, what's that look for? My goodness, you'd think you'd seen a ghost. You don't, do you? See any ghosts around here?"

"No," Shu said. But he couldn't quite help giving the room a quick look just in case.

Tohma shook his head in disappointment Eiri just had to saddle himself with the sick ones. Tomorrow was not going to be fun for any of them.

x


	19. Fly Away Home

Disclaimer as previous

_Almost over! So close!_

**Chapter #19 – Fly Away Home**

Waiting. Waiting was something Eiri Uesugi, a.k.a. Eiri Yuki, did not do well, and up until this trip, he made certain that he did not have to do it often. Outside of these bizarre circumstances, when he did wait, it was impatiently, working on his laptop and barking into his cell phone to channel the energy of his frustration into good use.

Today he waited, and the feeling was entirely different. His sixth sense was vibrating with the threat of impending doom, and as agonizing as the waiting was, he almost preferred it to what he suspected would be happening next.

Yesterday's huddle had resulted in the possibility of leaving at daybreak. At Tohma's instruction, Eiri had left his luggage packed and ready to go when he left for the short walk to the hospital this morning. He'd have to be pretty stupid not to know what that implied.

They'd manipulated the hospital just a bit, pushing them to release Shu yesterday afternoon, but knowing full well the bureaucracy involved would stall them past five, the stated hour that the care facility stopped receiving transfers.

Heck, by the time they rolled in saying they were just about ready with the paperwork, it was seven. It was pushing eight P.M. by the time they gave the attendant with the pile of papers the bad news that they could not meet the requirement for "transfer to an approved support facility or licensed attendant" until tomorrow, due to their delay. And now, the last touch, Duprey's prescription had been filled and delivered by the in-house pharmacy sometime in the night and was waiting on the counter.

If they'd followed normal procedure and asked for an early morning release they'd have been lucky to hit the parking lot by noon. They had K to thank for the insight into these timing issues, and the smooth sailing ahead. Now they were basically already gone as far as the staff was concerned, and if they took Shu out in the wheelchair themselves, no one would have any idea what transportation he was taking.

So Eiri's wait this morning would be very brief. He twitched, peering in again at the hard, dried, nasty lumps of material in the "Patient Belongings" bag. It contained a shirt, pants and underwear, all in ragged condition to begin with, and all sliced at the seams in the urgency to remove them to get to the patient.

He was fairly certain that Shuichi would not want them; but he couldn't say for sure. In his own mind, he knew that if they were his, he would want to keep them. He would be morbidly fascinated with the way they were damaged and stained dark with hints of blood. Unlike the human body, they were unable to recover from the experience and could never heal to hide the terrible things that had happened to them. They were bits of truly sobering evidence; a silent witness to just how close it had come to being the end of it all.

Looking at them was a little disturbing, but he felt like he needed that jolt. A little reminder of the pain of near-loss to him stay supportive and reinforce this possessive, protective feeling so new to him.

The rustle of the bag nudged Shuichi into awakening. His mind was slow to warm up; the sight of Yuki by the bed made him smile a little and gave him something to focus on.

"Hey, brat," he said quietly, rising to gain enough proximity to pull Shu up into a tight hug.

"Yuki," Shu whispered, enjoying the feeling of waking up in such a wonderful, comforting manner.

The embrace allowed Eiri to feel Shu's heartbeat and the steadiness of his breathing. He was warm and still relaxed from sleep, and he felt as good as any security blanket or teddy bear.

He'd give just about anything to spare him from the kind of day he suspected they were about to live through.

They didn't get to hold one another nearly long enough when K came bumping though the door, with Hiro looking up mischievously from his seat in the wheelchair.

"Ride's here! Oop, are we interrupting something?" K said.

"Too bad if we are! Break it up, you two." Hiro grinned, hauling himself out of the chair.

They were really piling on the good spirits, carefully hidden nervousness raging just beneath.

"We're going now?" Shu looked up at them all, a little shiver running down his spine from the chill as Yuki and his warmth straightened up and away from him. "I…in this?" He held out his hands palms-up in helpless indication of his state of relative undress.

"Already taken care of." Hiro held out some folded clothes. "Need some help?"

"Whose are those?"

"Yours. Yuki had your bags, remember? Here, put them on." Hiro caught sight of the lump under the bandage on the back of Shu's hand as he helped with the T-shirt. "Is that a tube still under there?"

"It's for medicine. I guess they left it so they don't have to do it again at the new place, since it's already there."

"Whoa. No, that's not right."

"Let me get someone," K said, hustling out the door.

"But why?"

"Don't worry about it, we'll get you fixed up." Hiro helped with the awkward act of dressing while lying down, Yuki standing clear to shake his head and watch as Shuichi slowly began to look more normal. He wasn't any different than he was a while ago, but with his regular clothes on he just looked better.

After a few minutes the door opened and two male nurses came in, fiddling with their gloves and looking entirely too energetic and enthused.

"What's this I hear in the hallway? You're going home today?" asked the man with the dark mustache, checking out all the folks in the room with a remarkably bright smile.

"Uh-huh." Shu held up his hand and the two men kept smiling, gloves now in place, coming to the foot of the bed.

The younger man, not much more than a teen, stepped up and took his hand. "Well, you must be excited. Do you get to go all the way home?"

"No, just…another place like this."

"Really? What's the name of it? How far away is it?"

Hiro stepped forward, picking up an odd vibe. "Hey, he doesn't know that stuff. You guys need it for your paperwork, or what?"

"Well, yeah, of course. What's the place called? Just give me the name, we can figure out the rest, save you some time and all."

"I'd have to look it up, it's…ah, I forgot. I just know how to get there." Hiro said lamely.

K came back into the room, looking a little startled. "How'd you guys get in here so quick? Oh well, look – they left the shunt in. I don't think he's going to need it at the other facility. You need to go ahead and take it out."

"Of course." Still holding Shu's hand and starting a little edgy shuffle from foot to foot, the younger man peered at Eiri. "This is, uh, it's pretty painful, I think you should come over here close and help him out. You know, maybe lay down on the bed next to him for a minute. Hold him and stuff."

Eiri stared for a moment as he tried to process that odd request in his mind

The mustached man tried to be nonchalant as he backed away a few steps. K spotted the jeans under his scrubs.

"I think you should both get away from him. Now." K's hand started into the side of his jacket.

"Shit!" the man at the wall jammed his hand into the pouch-like uniform pocket and it reappeared with a serious-looking digital SLR camera; he immediately started firing off shots with blinding flashes. The man next to Shu suddenly revealed a video camera in his palm, and he retreated with the device panning as smoothly as he could manage while making for the door.

K was in front of their exit, fully able to stop them, but yanked the door open instead.

"Get out!" K growled, relieved he hadn't drawn his weapon out for immortalization on film.

The men grinned as they hit the corridor at a dead run.

"You let 'em go?" Yuki blurted, still beginning to give chase. K grabbed his arm and pushed the door shut to cut off any pursuit.

"Executive decision. They'd just be more trouble for us here, with all the time we'd spend dealing with security."

"But the pictures!" Eiri was still revved up on the adrenalin from being startled.

"Nothing we can do. Doesn't matter anyway. They aren't exactly with the evening news. Those guys will probably sell those snaps to some rag that won't come out for a week." K frowned, focused and stoic in mission mode. "I just hope there aren't more of them, especially in the parking lot."

"You okay, Shu?" Hiro asked.

Shu was shaking his head and rubbing the spots from his eyes, not exactly sure what happened. It all happened too quickly for him to take in.

"They were…"

"They just wanted your picture. They're gone." Hiro looked closely, Shu was a little confused but at least he didn't seem upset.

"But I know them, they work here."

"Eh…sure they do. You've seen them before, Shu? A lot?"

"Well, I don't know. A few times."

"Shit, what next? Maybe we shouldn't wait." K glanced at his watch. "I guess we know now where the tabloids have been getting their stuff. I'm adding this to Ryuichi's to-do list. Their security needs a kick in the ass. They didn't even have fake ID badges."

"We can't go yet. He needs that tube taken out." Eiri declared.

"It can wait. We need to go now." K reached for the wheelchair and the author put a hand on it.

"No. He could get an infection. They wouldn't…" he dropped his voice too low to be heard at the bed. "They wouldn't release him like that if they knew this wasn't a transfer."

"They wouldn't release him, period, if they knew. And that's why making a big deal about taking it out is just asking for trouble," K whispered back hotly. "We can have someone do it later. Hell, I can do it later, it's not that difficult. We have to go. The longer we wait the more shit could happen."

"What is it?" Shu called from the bed, struggling to sit up and swing his legs over the side. Being dressed gave him the urge to get up out of bed and move around. Hiro caught his arm carefully.

"Slow down, Shu," Hiro said, holding on still to counteract the unsteady sway. "Don't try to stand up."

"I know."

"It's nothing. It's all right." Eiri said, giving K a look that said it had better be.

"Yeah. Stay close to him, try to help him stay calm. You got something from the doctor for him, right? He take it yet?"

"No. not yet. I'll do it now." He brought the bag off the counter, pulling out a bottle and shaking out a hexagon-shaped pill. If the chemicals didn't do it, trying to keep Shu calm was easier said than done…he wasn't even calm himself. Regardless, it was time to commit to the next action, and there would be no more time for delays now. It was time to move ahead.

As Shu was handing back the water glass, ready to be helped into the chair, the door opened again.

_Shit, what now?_ K grimaced, his own composure starting to wear thin.

"Hello, hello. Mr. Shindou? Ah-a-ah! Now, were you trying to sneak out of here without this?"

She held up a large envelope and waved it. "Who's responsible for his after-care here?"

Eiri plastered on a smile. "Right here."

"Okay, well, here you go. Make sure they take the time to actually read the information in here. He still has quite a few issues they need to be aware of. You might want to read through that, too. It's better to be informed so you can tell if he's getting all the right care, though I'm sure he will." She snapped on gloves and took Shu's hand. He pulled back as she stripped off the bandage and went to remove the shunt.

"Hey, now, I need you to be still."

"But the pain!"

"The pain? Does it hurt?"

"No, but it will when you take it out!"

"It won't hurt. Maybe just a little pressure or a tiny ouch at most. You've been so good all this time, is it that you're worried about leaving?"

Don't tell her about those men, K willed mentally. Let he do her job and go.

"No, they said it was painful. They…"

"There. You didn't even notice, did you? Hand up for a second. Green tape okay?" She slapped a piece of bright green medical tape on the small bit of gauze.

"Oh!" Shu brightened. "Yeah. I didn't feel it."

"Good, see there? Nothing to it. Now you're almost ready, I've put in a call for an orderly to wheel you out."

"We won't be needing that. We can take him." K said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, no problem."

"Well, all right then, I'll cancel the escort. Just please be sure to push the chair back inside once he's out of it, okay? Kids around here swipe the chairs for the wheels. Can't imagine what they do with them."

"You got it." K felt like the phony smile was going to get stuck there and never come off if he had to hold it one more minute. The door closed and they all moved quickly.

"Ready? In ya go…"

"No, wait…I have to use the restroom." Shu protested.

K was verging on having a stroke. Hiro and Eiri helped Shu into the bathroom while K grabbed his vibrating cell phone.

"Why haven't you called yet?" Tohma demanded.

"We're getting there. As soon as Shuichi comes out of the restroom we'll be heading down.'

"The minute you hit the ground floor text me with the word 'now'. We should reach the curb about the same time you do."

"Keep your eyes open. We had two razzis walk right into Shu's room and start firing. They know he's leaving."

"We'll run them over if we have to. Just text me." Tohma ended the call abruptly. K's blood pressure went just a hair higher. He bit back on the urge to tell them to hurry as they half-carried Shu back out to settle him into the wheelchair.

"Lock and load. Let's go." K produced a worn ball cap and carefully seated in on Shu's head to help hide the telltale pink hair as he wheeled by. "I know that might be uncomfortable, but just wear it until we're in the car, okay?"

"We get to go in a car?" Shu asked, pleased at remembering what Tohma had said.

"Yeah, that'll be better, won't it?" K replied, holding the door and nodding a bit too quickly.

"And Ryuichi's gonna come too?"

"Yeah," said Eiri, less enthusiastically, carefully clearing the doorway before steering the chair into a right turn.

"Good!" Shu smiled and Hiro looked own and gave his good shoulder a squeeze.

The small entourage moved out into the corridor to the tune of Shuichi's quiet humming of an old Nittle Grasper song.

o0o0o0o0o

Gliding into the private parking area, the limo diverted onto a service road and disappeared behind a row of huge dull aluminum Quonset huts at the backside of the taxiways. Within the vehicle's shiny black exterior, the efforts of dressing, transferring in and out of the wheelchair, and the short time he'd spent sitting straight up was telling on Shu physically. He already wanted to double over or lie down, and the friendly chat he'd been having with Ryuichi had slowed to just a few words. Yuki was helping him sit; the medication they'd given him was kicking in, and the resulting weakness was starting to distress the confused singer. He was a little nervous about the move and since they'd put up the privacy screens on the windows, so he couldn't tell if they were close to reaching the medical facility or not; unfortunately, the bliss of that ignorance couldn't be drawn out any longer.

When they slid up next to the plane and the driver opened the door, the view caused Shu's mouth to fall open and the attempts to distract him dried up instantly.

"We're going home, Shu," Yuki said quietly, reaching around to help him out of the car.

"Oh," Shu said, straining. "But you said…but…this isn't the right place. Going…on there? On there, now? I don't…I don't think I can."

"Sure you can, I'm going to be right here with you. Just stay focused on me."

"But, no, I can't! You don't expect me…there's no way…there's no way I can get in that."

"Shuichi," Ryuichi put a hand on his knee. "You get to go home. No more nasty old hospital. Home, with Yuki."

Shu grabbed Ryu's hand clumsily. "I just can't. I want to go home, I do, but I can't do this yet. I'll just have to stay with you, then. You'll let me stay, like we planned. Ryuichi?"

"Shu…" Ryu felt so pained for his friend. "I know it's hard for you, but it's for the best. You really do need to go."

"K...get in there," Tohma said quietly, gesturing with his head. Eiri looked up, to see if he was getting this straight. Their big plan was just to force Shu to get on the plane?

Ryuichi pulled him carefully and he resisted with what little ability he had. "Oh, no. Let go of me, please, please…You're not going to…Don't try to make me do this!"

K went around the car to open the door on the other side and Hiro reached across to help to hold him still. "Shuichi, we wouldn't do anything to hurt you, you know that. This is important; we need to go home now." He shot a look at K, uncertain. Should he tell Shu that they needed to leave so they wouldn't be detained? Would that help convince him, or just frighten him more?

Shuichi's huge eyes drilled into Hiro. "Is this real? This isn't really happening. You wouldn't do this to me!"

"We're all going together, all at once. No surprises this time." K forced what he hoped was a reassuring smile, standing up leaning against the outside the car. "You're going to be so happy to sleep in your own bed again."

"K. Ryuichi. This is taking too long," Tohma said. "Get on with it."

They tried guiding Shu to his feet so they could support him by the waist, but he was trembling and doubling over, trying to wrap himself protectively with his own arms. "No, don't. I don't think there's any way that I can."

"You have to, Shu, but it's okay," Eiri said helplessly. He'd call a stop to this but he was equally convinced that all he would end up doing was to drag this horrible scene out even longer.

"No," his voice cracked with a dry sob. "Please. Please!"

Their voices were muffled for a moment by the rumbling from a jet taking off on one of the runways. The sound wrapped stinging urgency around Shuichi's protests. They were still pulling at him, moving him away from the car in the direction of the plane.

"Let go! Yuki, make them stop!" his voice was just a faint cry; he had so little energy left to fight with.

If they put him on that thing he would die, it felt as if his heart would burst, if the blinding pain now gripping the back of his head didn't explode and destroy him first. He went limp to try and drop out of their hold, and nearly succeeded.

"Sorry, Shuichi, but this is the only way," Tohma said primly.

K started to step forward to take a more serious grip, but Yuki's expression grew grimly determined and he shook his head. "Hold it! That's enough." He drew in a breath and braced himself. "I'll get him."

He carefully lifted the terrified soul up into his arms as if cradling a baby and started to the tall stairway that was butted up against the plane.

"Can you make it up there like that?" Sakano asked, trotting along worriedly.

"Yeah, I think so. He's so light now," Yuki said in unhappy surprise. "We can do this. I've got you Shu. Try to trust me. We're going to do this together."

It was a slower progression than K would have liked, this was a rather vulnerable part of their departure. While they had the cover of the aluminum buildings to block them from street view at ground level, it was an airfield, and they were easily visible from overhead. K hopped up the stairs backwards in front, leading and ready to assist, while Ryuichi and Hiro crowded up close behind the pair. They had to stop in order to pry Shu's hands off of the handrail at one point; he panted out small cries and struggled ineffectively in the strong arms.

Finally in the cabin, Shu's quiet voice had faded into silence, and his gaze was unfocused as he slipped closer to unconsciousness from the medication and the exertion. K reclined a window seat to ready it, sliding the window cover shut and rolling a blanket against the wall for padding.

"It's all right, Shuichi, you're going to be safe here with us. Let's try to get you comfortable."

Yuki carefully settled Shu's still-shaking body into the seat, waiting to let his head down. Ryu shoved the pillow Tohma handed off to him under Shu's sagging head. The death-grip on his arm loosened, and the glistening eyes fell shut.

Dropping into his own seat next to Shu, Yuki felt a moment of dizziness of his own. Logically he knew they had to do this, but it didn't make him feel any better about it. He hadn't had the full knowledge of what was about to happen, and he wasn't entirely prepared for such a crude way of handling this. He would have made sure to give him the medication sooner. Considering everything his lover had been through, this was brutal. Had they consulted him about this he would have convinced them to do this some other way.

Ryuichi was shaking a little himself as he gave hugs all around, pausing with a longer goodbye for Tohma.

"You know what to do, Sakuma," Tohma said in a subdued voice.

"Count on me. Let Shu know I wanted to come along, okay?"

"I will." Tohma was inspecting the prescription bottle with Shuichi's name on it. "It's unfortunate this isn't a whole lot stronger. At least it looks like he won't be waking up for a while."

"I don't think it's going to be very good when he does."

"We'll see. We'll handle it, Ryu, try not to worry so much. He's upset but he's going to be happy to get home. We need to button up and get going so we don't have any complications."

"Yeah, I know." Ryuichi nodded to the other men, stepping back quickly to catch one last look at Shu's quiet form. His face had relaxed and he looked as if he were simply asleep. Consoled a little at being able to take that image with him, he turned quickly and left without any more goodbyes. He popped down the stairs three at a time, vaulting down the handrails to blow off tension from that intense scene. Shu was going home, and as difficult as the trip was for him, in the end it would be a good thing, and now Ryuichi had a few things to do himself. The driver smiled at him sympathetically and while Ryu wasn't quite up to smiling back, he gave his chauffeur an impulsive slap on the ass as he held the door open for him.

That made the driver growl happily. The singer had been such a wreck through this unfortunate situation; maybe now he'd start to feel better and be open to going out for little free play again for the first time in far too long.

O0o0o0o0o

Ramage slammed the folder shut and raised a useless fist to the infuriating words on the screen of his laptop, hunched at the odd height of the hotel room table. The wrong plane, they'd locked down the wrong fucking plane! Seguchi's real jet was gone according to the latest batch of flight plans, and he had no question in his mind about the passenger list. Damn it, it would be a nightmare to get to Shindou now, it was going to mean a mountain of paperwork! And he was getting buttloads of pressure from management to make a quick determination; the last of the research had come up cold on the singer and all he had left to work with was the interrogation. Now that was shot to hell, right along with any performance bonus he might have been able to wring out of this.

He ground his teeth, staring at the brightly-lit bridge visible through his fifth-floor window in the deepening twilight. He was out of ideas. There was no eleventh-hour save that he could think of for this one.

Forget it. Even Sharie thought the guys had no potential. The two men did have well-established careers and fairly high-profile public lives. Why he always ended up with the crap leads, he had no idea. It was just one more dead end, and all those hours were logged now with no indictments to show for it. If this kept up, he'd end up working for the USDA inspecting cow carcasses somewhere in North Dakota.

Inspiration finally hit. He logged into the case file and started typing furiously. If he got this closed off his inventory while he was still in travel status, that would definitely count for something. Dredging up the right vernacular, he checked off the boxes and filled in the forms before dashing off the narrative to his case closure. In lean, bullet-style commentary, he categorically addressed his suspicions, back-spinning his thwarted persecution around into a convincing report detailing how thoroughly and expeditiously he had worked the lead, resulting in the efficient and timely clearing of Mr. Shindou and Mr. Uesugi from suspicion of any and all charges.

o0o0o0o0o0o

The low hum was like a womb, wrapping every inch of his body in its barely detectable vibration and pressing him gently to stay withdrawn. The subtle frequency of the movement invaded without pause, attempting to leave no opening for his conscious thoughts to gain the upper hand.

But another element of that low hum was it familiarity. It had announced itself clearly on his subconscious level already. When the news made its way through to his resistant mind, wrapped in on itself protectively, it was like an electric shock. His alarm pushed him up through the fog and the leaden weight of his sedated system, and when his eyes ripped open they confirmed the worst. The ceiling above him was a curve of off-white, and he was surrounded by seats on three sides. An involuntary sound of base fear released itself from the back of his throat. He recognized that he was in a nightmare, whether a waking one or a true dream state he did not know. The surge of memory of being forced to board against his will didn't clarify the situation. It was just realistic enough to be an insidious nightmare; yet, it was just twisted and unreal enough to be his situation in fact.

Yuki's voice came to him, no more defining yet than any of the rest of it.

"Sh-h-h, everything's fine, Shu. Everything's all right."

"No." His voice sounded whiney to his own ears. But it was helping to bring him to an understanding. The act of verbalizing always felt strangely liquid somehow in his dreams. This was dry and solid. "Ahh…no."

"It is, Shu, it's okay. I'm right here."

Hiro had been startled out of his nervous light sleep with the first sounds of distress. He moved to the seat behind Yuki and stood over Shu's reclined head.

"Hey, buddy, had enough sleep?" Hiro asked. Shu was disheveled and starting to squirm, holding his breath between taking fast, hard gasps of air.

K was up now too, in the aisle next to Eiri. "Hey, Shu."

Their bids for his attention were meant to give him the comfort of being surrounded by his friends.

His fright and anxiety combined with the sight of the friends that placed him here resulted in an unexpected outburst.

"You…you!" Shuichi's raw, nearly hysterical voice was angrily accusing. When Yuki leaned over he batted him with an uncoordinated hand. "Forced me! All of you!"

Hiro and Yuki seemed like they'd been slapped, but K was right on it. "That's right, Shu. You had no choice. You had to leave, so we had to take you. Simple as that."

"Didn't have to!" Shu shoved a hand up at Hiro's face. His incredulousness that they forced him onto the plane even though he told them no…it was almost impossible to believe that they would do such a thing. He smashed his palm against the plastic panel covering the window in his uncoordinated effort to sit up, and it slid up from the blow. Blinding sunlight and eye-level clouds appeared in a flash.

The view below hit him like a brick. He was angry about being forced onto the plane; that was nothing compared to his reaction to actually being up in the air. The endless ocean below shoved that bit of provocation aside. He exploded into full-blown panic.

"Aw, shit," grunted Yuki, grabbing wildly for Shu's body as it launched across him for the aisle. "Shu, stop it! You'll hurt yourself! Calm down!"

"Shindou!" barked Tohma, rising from his spot up front at the commotion. "Get a grip!"

K smoothly took control of Shuichi's body as it writhed over into the aisle right into his reach. Years of paramilitary personal defense training, martial arts and a few side jobs as a bouncer made this sort of thing second nature. He had Shu restrained, without harming him, in a few careful manipulations, and in such a way that he could maintain his hold for as long as it took for the panic to die down.

"Stop yelling at him," K said evenly, resetting his stance to make sure his balance was solid. "That really doesn't help."

"I thought I told you to keep him belted in!" snapped Seguchi.

"Cool it," growled Eiri. "He's right. No yelling."

K now had all of Shu's weight supported in his firmly locked arms. That brief outburst had taken a huge effort, and standing was still just beyond his ability. His legs thrashed at first, and then slowed, eventually coming to a halt.

"You want to sit him back down here?" Eiri's hands were in mid-air, unsure how or whether to assist.

"Let's give him another minute or two."

"Stop talking like I'm not here," Shu choked in between labored breaths. "Let me go."

"Are you calm enough now?" K asked firmly. "I'm not letting you go so you can fall or go crazy jumping around in here again. You're safe. But it's not safe to let you run around out of control while we're in the air."

The man pressed firmly under his crossed arms was shaking like a leaf. But his resistance was down to zero.

"Answer me, Shu. You calm now?"

He wasn't calm, how the hell could he be calm in this situation? His composure was shattered and if he had the ability to do so, the illogical urge to find the door, pop it open and flee from the plane was raging in his mind.

His physical ability to do anything about it was shot. The strain of being so panicked and trapped had sapped his small store of strength in a flash. The resolve to be angry was beyond him now. The effort to formulate an answer to this question of K's, even if it meant his release, was more than he could come up with. He couldn't stop shaking, and he couldn't answer. The only thing he did was close his eyes, regretting that ears didn't come with earlids as well. His only defense was to try and retreat, to shut them all out. But he was hyper-aware and his heart was still pounding, making it difficult to shut anything out or withdraw effectively.

"I don't think he's going to answer you, man," Hiro said solemnly.

"Shuichi?" K gave him adequate time to answer. Tohma huffed but held his tongue.

Sakano flinched when Tohma turned his irritated look on him. He felt a touch of guilty relief when the situation diverted the petite tyrant's gaze back to the others.

"All right, Shu, I think you'll behave if I let you go now. You have to stay in your seat and you have to ask if you need to move out of it. Eiri?"

When Yuki stood and stepped out into the aisle to make way and help K redeposit Shu in his seat, his own knees were a little weak. The strain of this little adventure was really starting to add up. He used the seatback to support himself at first, trying stubbornly not to be obvious.

Tohma had developed Eiri-watching into an art form. He saw the move clearly for what it was. He snapped his fingers at Sakano.

"The galley in the front. Go get some drinks. Not the alcohol. Water, juice, I think there's some cans of soda. Now please." He turned back to see Hiro reaching over to slide the cover back down over the window and replace the rolled blanket along the window wall. With the awkwardness of moving in the limited space across to the seat, they got Shu back in his place, his shaking now settling into a visible movement of his whole upper body, almost like he was rocking himself.

"Lay back, Shu," Yuki urged, but the smaller man was stone upright, not touching the seatback at all.

Eiri locked the seat belt on, grimacing a little at the small jump Shu made at the loud click. He let his hand stay there and he rubbed the palm of his hand in slow circles to ease the tension on Shu's smooth upper belly.

He glanced up at Hiro, who got the message and started a tentative shoulder massage from behind.

The shoulder massage did feel a little comforting. The hand on his stomach was another thing. It did provide some distraction, which helped him recover a bit more self-control. It gave him a warm feeling, of a sort that was way out of left field. It shouldn't have been so mind-boggling, after all, this was his lover, and the touch was warm and unavoidably intimate slipped under his shirt like that. He had to squirm for a second to adjust for the effects of that touch. Those considerations redirected more of his attention. He started to wonder if he shouldn't ask Yuki to stop, because it was getting a little embarrassing, but it really felt good. That little debate fired up in his head and made the current situation seem a whole lot less life-threatening. The door out of the plane didn't actively pull at him now. His body's involuntary movements were resolving themselves the more he focused on this new development.

"Is this bothering you?" asked Yuki, stopping his hand and watching the odd expression on Shuichi's face.

Shu didn't answer, so he began to rub again experimentally, to watch for signs that his attempt at soothing was not welcome.

From his position overlooking them, standing in the aisle, Tohma had witnessed all that he could stand. He impulsively snagged some of the bottles from Sakano's overloaded hands and broke in to their little touchy-feely party.

"He needs liquid," Tohma said, thrusting a bottle of juice into Hiro's interrupted hand. Then he reached down and set one on Eiri's thigh, forcing him take his hand off Shu to keep it from falling. "And so do you. You need to take care of yourself, this is not going to be over when we land." The bottle was wet and cold on the outside, and by the time Yuki downed it in annoyance, the cold hand he tried to return to Shu's belly made it twitch away, completing the break in the moment.

Shu tried to refuse the drink from Hiro but Yuki joined in and they managed to get him to sip at it a little.

His fear was more bearable now, reduced to a low disquieting hum in the bottom of his heart. The juice turned sour on his stomach, and they kept offering the rest of it to him, resurrecting the slight pinch of nausea each time.

"But, why?" he finally asked, so quiet Yuki wasn't certain that was what he said.

"Shu?"

"Why. Why did you just put me here when I said no?" He was leaning forward uncomfortably. "You didn't even give me a chance."

"We couldn't stay any longer, Shu. You remember that investigator? He really wanted to talk to us, you especially. I'll bet he still does. But once we get back home, even if they want to ask you some things, I doubt they'd send him. And we'll be home."

K leaned over and added information that was news to Eiri as well. "You guys weren't going to be allowed to book a flight home. They found out about this plane and tried to have it grounded. Tohma had to pull a lot of strings to get you guys out. Word was, they were going to bring you in, Shu, and detain you for questioning. That's a really dangerous situation; the regulations for these things aren't well defined right now, so if you're not a citizen your rights are about nil. They could hang onto you as long as they wanted. It's not like you're even viable suspects, I think they were just clutching at one of the few surviving straws they had to work with. The perp died on the plane, and they picked up a couple of guys that had been working with her living in some farmhouse outside of Salinas. They're anti-technology terrorists, they used a rigged laptop as a bomb as a plot to get devices like that banned from public places and transportation. I mean, anyone that knows Yuki knows he's constantly on his laptop, and Shu, you spend all your downtime messing with some electronic game or device or cell phone. Stupid, it was just stupid. But it would have been hell on you guys, and then, look at it this way, you'd still have to get on a plane to get home eventually."

Eiri paled, but Shuichi looked lost after the first few sentences.

"They were saving us, Shu," Eiri breathed. "They were making sure we were able to go home."

"Oh." Shu leaned against Yuki, unsettled by his reaction. He glanced nervously under the seats in front of him, and let the writer's arm wrap around him and pull him closer.

o0o0o0o0o

"Okay, now I can prove that we made it to land. Look at the lights. Kind of amazing, isn't it?" Yuki asked, leaning gently against Shu's shoulder so they could share the view. The lights on the coastline far below were twinkling in the clear, dark night, and the window reflected the couple's faces in a flattering way. Shu stole looks at their reflection instead of the outside view and felt a warm feeling in his chest overtake the chill of fear. Yuki's soft blond hair ticked his cheek and he sighed quietly.

"We're almost there. I can't wait to get you back home in our own bed."

Shu blushed, momentarily happy and embarrassed in spite of it all.

For a second he thought the engine was making a funny noise, and he gasped. Yuki rubbed his back, handsome face full of concern. "It's all right, Shuichi, everything's fine."

A whine escaped the singer's lips and Yuki put an arm around him, carefully pulling him close. "Easy, now."

It felt good to be held so close. Most of the fear fell away again. The second dose of light sedation and painkillers he'd been given shortly before put a dreamy edge on the kindness his lover was showing him.

"Almost home," Yuki sighed in his ear. His hand left for a moment, casually reaching past and sliding the window panel shut before returning to resume the embrace. "Hang on. I'm right here for you."

Shu was almost tucked up under the chiseled jaw, a perfect fit. The armrest between them digging into his side was irrelevant. Resting across his lap, his injured arm was throbbing just a little. The hint of pain and pressure still ghosted here and there in his head, exceeding the ability of his medication to suppress it.

"You know, the odds of something like that happening to you again are so astronomical, I don't think even you could be that unlucky," Yuki teased with a smile. "You're just hearing normal mechanical noise from the flaps."

Every so often, K would lean forward and give a reassuring look or nod from across the aisle. Hiro would do the same, across and up a row, having to slide up in his seat a bit to peer over the seat back. Tohma had wandered back several times to sit near them and check on the situation during the course of the long flight.

Sakano sat quietly, successfully blending in with the background and going unnoticed.

Tohma walked back from his conversation in the cockpit and kneeled facing backwards in one of the seats just ahead. The other fourteen seats were empty. He stretched and yawned, then watched Eiri and Shuichi for a few long seconds with his chin resting on his arms, folded on the top of the seatback.

"You look like you're feeling a bit better," he smiled, letting his gaze flicker from the singer to his in-law and back.

Shu looked calm, but the white knuckles on the hand that gripped Eiri's shirtfront gave him away. They were afraid that the landing might be difficult for him, and from the look of it, knowing they were close to landing was causing quite a bit of anxiety again in spite of the medication.

Eiri reached across Shu and tugged at his seat belt, making sure it was secure. He felt the body next to him tensing up again, starting to tremble again slightly. "You're okay. Just hang on to me."

He saw the look in the amethyst eyes and frowned in sympathy. Guilt and embarrassment were warring with his fear and rising panic. Shu was always so easy to read.

"Well," Tohma announced, rising and stepping back out into the aisle to head for his seat in the front. "Secure yourselves in. We'll be landing shortly."

The slender chest was beginning to heave in faster, shallower breaths…usually so bravely oblivious, these slow descents into pitiful, helpless terror were alarming and painful for his friends and lover to see. It was all K could do not to go add his own arms to Yuki's when the writer had to resort to restraining the smaller man. Shu tried to muffle his voice by burying his face in Yuki's shirt, making his cries sound far off and lonely. The drone of Yuki's voice, reassuring but unavoidably tinged by worry, was only distantly comforting.

When they began the rather quick descent required by the traffic pattern at the airport, Shu lost it completely, and it took a great deal of cautious strength for Yuki to contain him in his seat. Yuki had his eyes pressed shut, almost wishing he could put his hands over his ears. Hiro and K watched grimly in case they did need to step in and help, landing regulations about being seated and belted be damned. Hiro's hand kept swiping furtively at the tears that welled up in frustrated empathy, glad he was flanked by empty seats instead of the strangers that would have been around them had they been forced to take this return trip by commercial airliner.

Although, he reflected, they probably would not have risked keeping Shu awake. In hindsight it seemed they should have given him more of the tranquilizer before they got to this point, but he had seemed to be doing so well mid-flight, and with his fragile condition they didn't want to keep straining it with drugs any more than absolutely necessary. They had no way of knowing how much they could increase the dosage of his sedative beyond the prescribed amount without endangering him.

But Shu was not the handful he would have been as a well man, and he was tired and lightly sedated to boot. By the time they taxied to a stop his energy and tears were spent, and as the panic died down he slumped against the strong shoulder next to him, limp and silent.

Eiri talked quietly into the soft hair while his lover's rattling breath slowed and deepened a little. The sound of his voice began to soothe long before the words made sense. But then, those words began to bring a glimpse of light. Through the embarrassingly uncontrollable turmoil of his emotions, Shuichi clung to the ones he needed and treasured the most. The ones where Yuki told him they were home now, finally back home.

And the gentle words that reassured him that he was loved, coming from the person most important to him in the world.

tbc


	20. Final Approach

Disclaimer as previous

_Finally! Thanks tons for the R&R-ing, hopefully the end is suitable. Hey, and if it's bad...at least it's over! Woot!_

**Chapter 20 – Final Approach**

It seemed to take forever to help him from the plane, the drive home, the commotion of everyone trying to help Yuki get Shu situated. The reclusive writer had bristled at first when the other men insisted on helping them, but by the time Tohma's driver came to a stop in front of the apartment, he was anxious for their help. Strong as he was, it was somewhat overwhelming taking care of someone so emotionally fragile, and with numerous complicated physical issues to look after. It was going to take some time just to go through the after care instructions and figure it all out.

Hiro sat with Shu so Yuki was free to get their things set aside. They barely made it in and the phone rang. As evidenced by the high double-digits racked up on the answering machine display, Ryuichi had been calling over and over to see if they'd made it home in one piece. Shu mumbled into the phone and Hiro ended up taking the receiver when he lost his grip on it, letting Ryu know everyone was home safe and too tired to chat.

Tohma pulled Eiri aside in the kitchen, putting water on for tea and sitting him down firmly at the table.

"You're doing a great job. He's going to be fine, but you have to take care of yourself. This has been harder on you than I think you realize."

He turned from gathering cups from the cabinet and saw the hands covering his brother-in-law's face. They were shaking.  
K stepped in from the living room and saw it as well, glancing over and catching Tohma's eye. A look of understanding passed between them, slightly different in their opinions and motivations, but it was the same realization nonetheless.

They needed Eiri to keep it together now more than ever, and his newfound tenderness of heart was pulling him apart.

K cleared his throat but the trembling man didn't seem to react. "Hey, Eiri," Claude said, moving to the table. "Do you want me to hang here tonight in case something goes wrong?"

Yuki lifted his head a bit, peering over his fingertips blearily. Wrong? Did he mean, more wrong than they already were? It was almost overwhelming, the fatigue from the trip, the sudden looming of responsibility, the letdown from finally completing what could only be described as an escape. He wasn't even trying to take care of Shuichi yet; Hiro and Sakano were babysitting him in the living room. "I don't know."

K saw that as a sign of just how worn and stressed Eiri was. The normal response from this man would range anything from a plain 'no' to 'get the hell out'. Shu still had medical issues as well as his emotional ones, and he was not a suitable caregiver it his current state. He even seemed to be aware of it, and was unselfish enough to let it show in deference to Shu's needs.

Maybe, K thought, the situation had shaken the man loose from some of his destructive patterns after all.

"K, you've done so much for Shindou-kun. Let me do this," Tohma offered, and he seemed sincere. "Really, Eiri, allow me to stay and watch over you both tonight while you get things settled. I'll stay out of the way."

Sakano came in and stood observing for a moment, waiting to break into the conversation. "He's asleep now. He dropped off while he was talking to Hiro."

Eiri jumped up. "Is he still on the couch?"

Sakano nodded.

"He needs to be in bed, it's not good for him to be sleeping in odd positions." Eiri was out of the kitchen and heading for the living room before he even finished his sentence. He scooped the waif-like sleeper off of Hiro's shoulder and carried him into the bedroom. Tohma and K had beaten him there, turning down the covers so Yuki could settle him onto the cool, clean sheets.

They carefully undressed him, and each article of clothing they removed revealed more of the painful evidence of the near-death experience the young man had just been through. His lover's hands shook and faltered. Hiro had followed them, and he gently stepped in to finish the job. He'd had the experience of helping Shu into bed on more than a few occasions during their time as friends.

By the time the sheet was pulled up to the slight shoulders, one bare and one still lightly swathed with bandages, they were all shaken. Sakano had come to the doorway at some point, and had watched silently as well.

When Yuki bent and gave that pale forehead a kiss, they almost lost it.

K finally broke them out of the spell. "He looks okay now. Let's finish up and get going so these guys can relax."

Hiro unexpectedly gave the tall blond a manly, heartfelt hug. After a second of hesitation, Yuki returned the embrace unsteadily.

"Shu really needs you right now, man," Hiro said quietly. "I gotta say I'm thankful for what you've been doing for him. If you need any help, I can be here in no time. I'm on your speed dial, number eight. Do not hesitate, if it even crosses your mind that you night need me, call me. Anytime. Got it?"

"Got it," Yuki smiled wanly.

"We can let ourselves out," K smiled, muscling Sakano playfully in the direction of the door. "Same goes here. You need me, just call. C'mon, Hiro, let's go."

"Nah, I'm walking."

"With luggage? Get out. You're coming with us, we're borrowing Tohma's ride. Hey, goodbye guys. Tell Shu we'll be seeing him."

The quiet that blanketed the apartment when the door shut behind them was like a lead weight.

"Eiri-chan," Tohma said softly, taking him by the arm. "Let's get you comfortable now, hm? Would you like a shower first? Or just bed?"

"I'm going to bed, I think. Too tired."

"You're not thinking of sleeping in that bed, are you? Shuichi might be restless. We can share the futon, and I'm sure we can hear if he needs something in the night."

"Restless or not, I won't sleep at all if I'm not close enough to check on him."

"Oh. Well…of course. The sooner the better, then, you really do look exhausted." Tohma smiled sympathetically, taking in those weary eyes as he began carefully unbuttoning Eiri's shirt. "Let's get this off for you."

Eiri watched Tohma's hands distantly, his mind fully occupied with trying to remember if everything would be all right until morning.

Tohma made it to the last button on the last cuff when Eiri stopped him.

"Hold on," he said, and went back into the kitchen. He pulled out the papers and forced himself to try and go over them one more time. Tohma followed, peering over his shoulder.

"Ah. He needs medicine every six hours. Did you see that? Do you have it?" Tohma pointed to one of the sheets.

"Yeah, there are just a couple of doses here, though. I need to get that filled by tomorrow."

"I'll take care of it. Consider it done." Tohma plucked the prescription page out of the stack and kept it. "Now let's give Shindou-kun his medicine and finished getting you changed, hm? What is it, Eiri? Are you all right?"

"I…sure…I just…" Eiri heaved a shaky sigh. "You know, Toh, I've never been trusted to take care of anyone else before. I don't even have a good track record taking care of myself. And Shu is so fragile now, he's not even supposed to be out of the hospital yet."

"I don't doubt your ability to take care of someone. But you do make a good point. He probably should be under professional medical care. It wouldn't be a problem, Eiri; we can get him admitted to a care facility here. Then he can have all of his issues addressed and have his friends and family visit, and you of course. If you want, I can have my secretary scout out a place, and I bet we can have him under 24-hour care by tomorrow noon."

"Eh…no, no Tohma. I want him here. I just…I'm just worried, that's all. After everything we went through to bring him here…I swore to him he was coming home. And I swore that we'd come clean on all the lies now, all of them. What would he think if I dumped him off now?"

"Okay, okay," Tohma held his hands up in surrender. "I was just suggesting. But you should keep it in mind if he has any setbacks. You wouldn't want to risk his health just to keep him here."

"I wouldn't do that." Eiri stood and fished in the cupboard for a water glass.

"He'll be needing referrals to an orthopaedic surgeon, and a neurologist. If you like I can stay on tomorrow for a while and help sort it out."

"I can't even think that far ahead right now. It's a good thing you stayed, Toh. "

Tohma followed the taller blond back into the bedroom.

"Shuichi," Eiri said, placing his hand on the sleeping form to gently shake the bare shoulder.

Shu came awake with a sudden clawing motion, as if he thought he were falling.

"Hey, hey it's me, Shu. Just me. You don't have to wake up all the way; I just need you to take your medicine."

Tohma stood in silence and watched the man as he perched on the edge of the bed. Eiri's shirt was open, and the soft light from the bedside lamp highlighted just how handsome he was. The act of kindly tending to his damaged lover added a halo of benevolence that had been missing since their childhood. When they were young, Eiri was so vulnerable, openly loving and kind, no doubt the very virtues that threw him into the defining tragedy of his youth. Afterward it seemed he had hardened permanently, to seal away and protect a wounded heart that might never heal.

Yet here was a glimpse of the old Eiri from when they had been so innocent, and so close. If only Tohma had been more open, spent more time with him, he might have been able to prevent Kitazawa from dragging Eiri down into his sickness. He was reluctant to fully reveal his affection back then, and, well, too young and inexperienced to really know what to do about it.

But after all of these years, no one had a deeper place in the powerful businessman's heart, not even Mika. His role in Kitazawa's final drama had linked him emotionally with the event in Eiri's psyche, and he was never able to find a way to help the man get past that. No matter how hard Seguchi tried, they never became truly close, even as friends, again. He had to settle for becoming a family member through marriage, for the obligatory connection that it afforded him.

Shuichi was out again already, having been medicated and lowered lovingly back down on the pillow. His look was untroubled, for once.

The pink-haired singer was an opportunist, in Tohma's eyes. He had not spent years proving himself, being there at every turn, watching out for Eiri through terrible depressions and disappearances and innumerable episodes of terrifying self-destructive behavior. He had not been there making sure he took medicine, drove him to doctor's appointments he tried to avoid; hadn't gone out on a moment's notice and hunted him down when the family couldn't find him in the wee hours of the morning. Shindou just showed up, bellowing like a cow in heat, chasing him shamelessly like some fangirl, throwing himself at him and behaving like a spoiled child. He should have been turned over to the authorities as a stalker when he wouldn't go away.

How the hell he managed to get Eiri to fall in love with him was pure mystery.

Eiri was still just sitting on the edge of the bed, gazing down at the sleeping face with a sober expression. Tohma came to him and resumed where he'd left off, slipping off the unbuttoned shirt cautiously, and silencing the catch in his breath at the vision of Eiri shirtless in the soft bedroom light.

It shook the taller man out of his reverie, and he stood to go look for his sleep pants. Tohma didn't move out of his way.

"Eiri," he said. He let his fingertips lightly touch the smooth, taunt flesh of Eiri's bare midriff. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be." He twitched at the touch. "I'm fine, I just need some sleep."

"If you're sure." He dropped his hand, then his gaze, and stepped aside. It was futile, as always. If he pushed, he'd probably be thrown out.

At least he had a small consolation prize. He was not asked to leave the room when Eiri changed into his sleep pants.

o0o0o0o

After an uneventful, albeit sleepless, night alone on the futon, Tohma left with a promise to scare up prescriptions and supplies the next day after the Eiri seemed steady enough on his own. The process of acclimating to being back home was underway.

"Shu?" Eiri stood in the doorway, holding water and a pill, watching Shu clutching at the pillow case fiercely.

"Yeah?" He sounded breathless, as if he'd just run a mile.

"You all right?" He crossed the room and set aside the pill and drink to free his hands.

"Oh, uh, I'm all right." He wasn't quite looking up.

"You seem tense."

"I thought I'd feel more normal. I can't get comfortable. It just…doesn't feel like I'm home yet."

"Really? Is it that there's somewhere you'd rather be? Say, your parent's house?"

"No! No, I don't mean it like that. I mean everything's still messed up. I still can't think straight."

"Ah. I guess that makes sense. We pulled you out of the hospital early. You shouldn't expect to just shake it off. As a matter of fact, if you get to feeling too bad, I want you to let me know right away. I took the option of bringing you home but if you start having problems we need to take you in and get you looked at right away."

Shu stared. "I want to stay here."

"Good. Here, take your pill." He waited, watching to make sure it was actually swallowed. He motioned for Shu to keep drinking, working on his resistance to the full glass of water as directed. "You have to tell me how you're doing, brat. Specifics. It's important. How's your pain level this morning?"

"Three." Shu panted into the almost-empty glass.

"Okay. Do you want something for it?"

"Not yet." He shuffled his legs restlessly under the covers. "That pill I just took, is it going to make me sleep?"

"Well, that's not what it's for, but it does say that it may cause drowsiness."

"I'm tired of sleeping all the time."

"I can imagine. But it probably makes it easier for your body to heal."

"I'm sorry to be so much trouble." Yuki was holding out a bowl to trade for the empty water glass. It held a small scoop of rice in it, and as much as he didn't want it, he took it anyway. Food didn't sit well, didn't taste right, and caused trips to the bathroom, which were difficult and since they involved needing help, embarrassing. "Thanks."

"Try to eat it all, Shu, I didn't give you very much."

A pain gripped Shu's heart, a sudden fear that he would become such a burden that Yuki wouldn't want to bear him anymore. He forced the rice in, head down, concentrating fiercely. It was hard to remember when eating was natural and normal.

He finished and looked up. Yuki was gone from the room. He set the bowl on the bedside table and contemplated the floor. It would be good to move around, maybe sit on the couch. Judgment softened by the slowly growing effect of his medication, he dropped a leg over the side of the bed, considering an attempt at standing up. The sooner he got back on his feet, he reasoned, the sooner he could stop worrying about being too much for Yuki. He slid a little, bringing his other leg over, and promptly overbalanced and dropped straight down to the floor. His arm caught the bowl on the way down, sending it flying with a noisy clatter.

Shu began to thrash, trying to get up, or stay afloat, his perception of what was happening jarred out of synch. The sudden jump in blood pressure blurred his vision and roared in his ears, robbing him of the visual and audible clues that would have helped him keep his bearings.

"Hold on, what happened?"

Hands were trying to pull at him, he grabbed at them and pushed them away, but the sleepy, dizzy grip of his meds started interfering with his muscle control. He had enough of a sense of being safe that he didn't panic, but he couldn't help trying to fight his way back to some sort of balance. The hands wouldn't go away, and soon he exhausted beneath them.

When the movement grew weak enough, Eiri lifted Shu off the floor and put him on the bed, using his upper body to press carefully down and hold him relatively still. "C'mon Shu, can't you hear me?"

Eiri had no way of knowing if this was some kind of an attack, a deranged moment, a simple slip, a fall with injuries…he knew he had to do something about it, but there were so many different possibilities he couldn't decide on which one to pursue. Instead, he firmly but gently held Shu down until he stopped resisting.

Shuichi's eyes fluttered open to see Eiri looking at him. His senses had returned with the slowing of his thundering heart.

"I'm sorry!" he said immediately, that fear of being too much trouble welling up again. He clutched at an arm and held tight.

Again, that open face made it easy to see that Shu was desperately afraid of something.

"Hey now, come on." Eiri used his free arm to reach around and hopefully provide a little security and comfort. "You're safe here. We made it. You're home now."

For one so weak, Shu's grip grew even tighter. At that moment it occurred to Eiri just how hard it must have been for Shu to survive in the water, and just how long and hard he would have had to hold on. Shu had a way about him, he seemed flighty, but in truth he was a strong and determined soul. His emotions ran so deep and yet they still showed nakedly on the surface. He had always been vibrant and alive, and it was infectious. It had pierced his own thick armor and injected warm energy into his coldly crafted existence. Holding him now was as vital for Eiri as it was for Shu as they shared the pain of his fear.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Shu. You can't help how you feel. But if you tell me what's wrong I might be able to help. I'd really like to know what's going on in that head of yours."

He couldn't tell him the real reason. What if things were not as bad as he'd thought, and voicing his fear got the idea planted in Yuki's head that this was too much trouble? What if he jinxed himself with his own big mouth?

He settled for truth with omission.

"I tried to sit up and I think I just fell. It felt like…I'm not sure. I just don't want you to leave."

"Did you hurt yourself anywhere?"

"I don't think so."

"Would you like to come out into the living room? I think we can make a decent spot for you on the futon."

Shu nodded in quick agreement and clutched harder for a moment before willing his hands to ease off. Clingy, Eiri always hated it when he was clingy. He had to try and stop doing that.

Strong arms lifted him up and he was grasping hard again, fighting himself over it.

"Relax, Shu, I won't drop you."

It was obvious, when they reached it, that someone had slept on the futon. A blanket was half-folded haphazardly and a pillow from the bedroom was on the floor propped against it. Had Shu forced Yuki out of his own bed? That wasn't fair.

"I can just stay here and sleep here at night," Shu said quietly as he adjusted to being set down alone. Yuki sighed and sat next to him.

"Shu, you're still not all healed up. At night, for your long sleep, you need to be in the bed. If you're out here during the day and then back in bed at night I think that would be best. Unless you want naps in the bedroom, too. If you do, that's fine."

"It's not good for you to sleep out here alone, either."

"Oh, I didn't . Tohma stayed last night."

Shu's heart lurched. Yuki wasn't sleeping on the futon…or he wasn't alone on it?

He suddenly couldn't bear to ask.

"Speaking of which, he should be back soon with your medicine and some groceries."

It sounded like he was moving in.

Shu's hands began to shake.

Eiri watched the tension mounting, the hands begin to shake. He wasn't doing such a great job of helping Shu, apparently. He was still upset and nervous, no better than he had been at the hospital. Maybe bringing him home had been a mistake. The trade-off between expert medical care and the comfort of home was pretty unbalanced. He felt sort of stuck with the decision now, though. To send Shu off to the hospital now would likely make him feel even worse. With time, of course, things would improve. But for now…

The door swung open, Tohma using a key to let himself in. In spite of his ragged state, the man's possession of that key stood out in Shuichi's mind like a beacon.

Sakano and the driver came in with bags in their arms, right behind him. Tohma waved them to the kitchen and made tracks straight for Eiri.

He handed him a small bag.

"Prescriptions and the suggested over-the-counter medications from the care instructions."

Eiri smiled. "I really appreciate this."

Tohma took in that rare bit of sincere gratitude with great relish. For all of the things he'd done for Eiri over the years, most of them were unwanted and went unacknowledged.

"You are more than welcome and I can do this for you anytime. Anytime, Eiri."

"Once Shu's better and I can leave him by himself it won't be a problem, but until then…yeah, it would be a great help. Thanks."

"And how are we feeling today?" the smaller blond asked patronizingly.

"Okay." It was one more syllable than he preferred to speak to the man.

"He had a little fall earlier but he seems to be fine."

"Oh? Shindou-kun, you need to behave. You can't be making Eiri constantly worry about having to pick you up or be calling an ambulance because you've split your head open again," Tohma scolded.

Shu nodded silently as he pulled the blanket up to his nose, barely able to fight the urge to pull it all the way over his head.

"He'd doing fine," Eiri tried to give Shu a reassuring smile, clicking on the television before setting the remote on the blanket in Shu's reach. "I need to go check out the supplies. Do you want anything?"

Shu shook his head, and then watched Tohma follow Yuki into the kitchen feeling very threatened and insecure. Tohma never hid his attraction for Yuki, and Yuki never hid his resentment about it. Until now. Now they seemed to be getting along very well. Maybe it had to do with last night. Maybe they did share the futon. Shu tried to think of how long it had been since the crash. Dates were vague, it felt like it had been a lifetime. Yuki was a man with needs, he'd been used to going out and making conquests several times a week before Shu finally became his lover.

It suddenly dawned on him that he had no idea where Yuki had been staying while he was in the hospital, or how he spent his time when he wasn't with him. The possibilities turned his blood to ice and his small bit of breakfast started rising up out of his stomach. He fought it down, determined not to make a mess, another bother for Yuki to clean up.

That food gave signs that it was going to come up eventually, he couldn't deny the feeling, and he could only struggle to delay it. There was an empty plastic bag on the low console table, well beyond his reach. Totally focused on preventing the embarrassment of having Tohma and Yuki have to take care of him like a sick toddler, he slid and let himself drop from the futon, struggling to sit up and reach the bag.

He snagged it just in time, and tried to minimize the disgusting retching noises as best he could. There was a fair share of racket in the kitchen, talking and water running, cabinet and fridge doors opening and closing. His activity would have gone unnoticed, if Sakano hadn't stepped into the room.

"Shindou-san!" he blurted, dashing to help. Alerted, Yuki and Tohma were close after him. Holding the bag of damning evidence and sitting doubled up on the floor, Shu blushed horribly and couldn't bring himself to meet their eyes, pawing away the water that retching had wrung from his own.

"Shu…" Yuki went to his knees next to him, taking a quick look in the bag and trying to see his face. "Does your stomach hurt? Do you feel dizzy?" His mind went back to the care instructions, and the warnings about fevers and assorted symptoms to look out for.

He glanced up. Tohma was right behind Yuki, with a hand on his shoulder. His stomach rolled again, but there was nothing left for it to toss back up.

He wanted to cry and crawl in a corner.

"He seems ill, Eiri. Perhaps we should take him to emergency?" Tohma suggested firmly.

"No!" Shu began to twist and try to leverage back up on to the futon. Hands swooped in to assist him. "I'm not sick."

"Well…yeah, you obviously are." Yuki held up the bag and took another quick look, making sure from his own experiences that there were no blackened bits or blood, and then tied it shut. "Why don't you bring a couple of empty bags from the kitchen for me, Sakano? In case he needs them again?"

Sakano gingerly took the bag from Yuki for disposal and headed for the kitchen.

"No, I just got upset. I was thinking of something and I…it just got to me. I'm not sick, I'm not. Don't take me away."

"Better to be safe that sorry," Tohma said quietly in Yuki's ear.

"Shu, are you sure?" he asked, ignoring Seguchi's subtle influence.

"Yes. Please? I didn't make a mess."

"God, Shu, it isn't punishment. I'm worried about you." He settled on the futon carefully. His hand brushed a stray lock of hair out of Shu's eyes. "You don't look good, brat. You still seem even more upset."

Shuichi couldn't help looking away and glancing at Tohma, to see if he was gloating. It was starting to seem like a very strong possibility that some thing was going on between them.

No way was he going to spill his guts here in front of Yuki's…whatever he was now.

"I just need to rest."

"I'll get you some water; you need to rinse your mouth out. You still feel nauseated?"

Shu nodded and slid down to lie flat. When Yuki, closely followed by his new shadow, left to get the water, Shu caught Sakano's nervous hand when he offered the empty bags.

"Where did Yuki stay while I was in the hospital?" he blurted. "At Ryu's?"

"Why, no. He was at a place very close by, in walking distance."

Shu swallowed roughly, his throat burning. "Alone?"

Sakano blanched and hesitated; he used the interruption of Yuki returning with the water to escape the question, smiling and turning away as if he hadn't heard. It was all the answer Shu needed to complete the crack in his heart, replacing fear with injured shock and a crushing, depressing pain. Tohma hadn't been on either of their flights. He had come later, just to be with Yuki.

When Yuki put the water to his lips he just stared without moving. The water dribbled down his face as he left his mouth sealed shut.

"What the…Shu?"

He brought up a hand and pushed Yuki's away.

"Just take me back to the hospital then. I don't care."

"Shuichi? Why, what..?"

"He must need to go, Eiri, I wouldn't hesitate. Maybe we should call an ambulance." Tohma said.

"No, be quiet. Do you guys mind? I want a minute alone with him."

"Of course not. No problem. Come on, Sakano." Tohma cast a smile at Shu on the way out.

He dropped his head into his hands, and felt Yuki grip his wrists firmly. "You talk to me now, Shuichi. Are you seeing things again?"

"I wish I were."

"What do you mean?"

"Doesn't matter. Just call the ambulance, or push me out the front door, or whatever."

"Oh, now knock that shit off. What's come over you?"

"That should be my line."

"Talk to me, damn it. You're not making any sense."

In the kitchen, Sakano glanced nervously out several times, eavesdropping shamelessly and wondering if he should intervene. From Shu's questions, he had a good idea what was bothering the younger man. But he strongly suspected that if Tohma knew he was trying to help, he would interfere.

Tohma, on the other hand, seemed quite pleased. He was dialing his cell phone with a smile and heading off to sit at the kitchen table.

When Sakano was sure that the man was engrossed in conversation, he quickly went back to the living room.

"Eiri-san," he called, expecting the glare of death that was sent his way for interrupting. "A word, please – quickly!" Before Tohma catches up, he thought.

With a puzzled look, Eiri rose to meet him, and his eyebrows shot up at the words whispered into his ear.

"Thank you very much, Sakano. That's extremely helpful." He turned back to Shu. "But give us a little more time."

"I'll just, uh, go back then."

Eiri sat next to Shu again, and waited while he tried to shink far enough away so they weren't touching. Then he scooted over abruptly so they were pressed alongside again.

"You are not going anywhere. You're being paranoid. Maybe it's your medicine, or your condition, but you're delusional if you think something's going on between me and Tohma."

He felt Shu flinch at the mention of Tohma's name, confirming his and Sakano's suspicions.

"You haven't gone through enough without torturing yourself with imaginary affairs?"

Shu's head ducked even lower.

"Look at me, Shu. Please. I'm not angry. I'm worried. This isn't good for you, all this unrest."

"Not for you either," Shu choked. "You'll get sick if you worry. I'm too much…" he cut himself off. …_I'm too much trouble._ _Don't say those words_, he told himself, totally lost in the twist and pull of his emotions and suspicions. _Don't plant that idea in his head._

"Right now you need to get calmed down and get your head straight again." He let his hand roam on Shuichi's back. "It's going to get better. "

Shu's lower lip began to tremble, and he tipped his head the rest of the way forward to try and let the soft pink bangs conceal the tears while he fought them back.

"Shu-chan, Shu-chan," Yuki said sadly, drawing Shuichi into his arms and nestling him under his chin. He was a rigid ball of anxiety, and nothing so far seemed to help yet. "It's so hard for you right now. I hope you can believe me. It will get better. And I'm going to be right here. I'm not planning on running off, or sending you away." He surprised himself when he began to rock back and forth instinctively, the motion soothing to them both.

This embrace seemed to permeate Shu's body with warmth, softening those cold doubts and fears. For Yuki to give him this much caring and love and be lying seemed impossible. It melted his resistance away, and along with it his body's unbearable tension.

Trust. That was the element so slow to solidify in all this. He loved Yuki already; that was not a change for him, it had been the reason he moved here in the first place. But trust…when some one yells at you, mocks your feelings, slams the door in your face, throws you out in your shorts and locks you out in the dead of winter…it was a fine bit of emotional backwards engineering that had enabled him to continue to feel love through all of that; it had been necessary to excise the element of trust.

But trust…you can't just will it to be, it doesn't well up unbidden at the first sight of the object of your affection, not the way love does. People earn the level of trust you hold them in, how much or how little. Trust had become something of a problem for Shuichi. To change would take time, but this was a start.

A hand slid up his back and, forgetting for a moment, went to bring him closer by resting on the back of his head. The unexpected feel of uneven scars made the hand flinch away quickly.

"Sorry! I'm sorry, did that hurt? I didn't mean to…"

"Ahem," Tohma smiled stoically in the doorway. "I have some information. About Shuichi's physicians. Mind if I interrupt?"

"It's not a good time, Tohma," Eiri said, bringing Shu back close to this chest with more care.

"I'm afraid he has an appointment that you'll have to start getting ready for shortly. They had a cancellation today, otherwise he'd need to wait a week. I'm sorry, I wouldn't break in like this otherwise."

"No," Shu whispered, and then berated himself for it. He should cooperate and stop being such a burden.

Yuki sighed. "Yes, I'm afraid so. We need to make sure you see all the doctors that are going to help you as soon as possible. We don't want to delay any treatment you might need. And then, when there's a problem, we have someone who knows about your situation instead of showing up with the crowd at emergency." He expected some resistance. Shu might feel good about getting outside for a while, but somehow Eiri doubted it. He would probably feel more vulnerable.

Tohma approached, lightly gripping Eiri's shoulder with one hand as he handed him the carefully lettered listing consisting of doctors, phone numbers, addresses, appointment times and dates and notes for several of them.

"This really helps. Thanks, Toh." He tried to be neutral enough to reassure Shu.

"Of course. And we can drive you to the appointment today so you don't have to worry about Shindou-kun getting into one of his little problems while you're trying to drive. Can't have you two getting into an accident on top of everything else." Tohma looked pleased when Eiri nodded.

"Not much time. Let's get you dressed." Eiri shifted around to gather Shu up again, feeling sympathy for the younger man as he blushed and buried his face against Eiri's chest when he was lifted. His embarrassment was plainly evident, no doubt at having to be carried and helped to change clothes. It didn't help that they had witnesses. "We'll just be a few minutes," he called over his shoulder and kicked the bedroom door shut behind him. That should send the message that this called for privacy.

Shu looked up, gratitude for the act of preserving his dignity turning to wide-eyed amazement as Yuki captured his lips in a kiss so emotional that was a first for him. It lasted long enough that his whole body began to warm from it. When Yuki pulled away to look into his eyes, he was breathless.

"You have to know that I love you, Shu. That I'm in love with you. This is new for me, too. So I might not understand some things, and I might not get it right. But always come to me if I hurt you and give me the chance to fix things again." He gave Shu a brief, firm kiss. "Always."

He would have found it impossible to believe those words, except for that kiss.

For once Shuichi was at a complete loss for words.

But his eyes told Yuki everything he needed to know, and with the reassurance that he was not taking this insane trip alone, he smiled and eased Shu onto the bed.

He turned to get into Shu's camo bag, standing open on the padded bench at the footboard.

"Shorts or cargo pants?"

"Yuki, I…" his voice tightened away to nothing.

"I know, Shu. How about pants?"

He nodded, too overcome with everything to talk.

"And a tank. No use getting too much on, they'll just make you take it off. And let's see…a sweatshirt to go over it. Good enough?" He held up the clothes and waited for the nod, going to assist.

"There's nothing going on between me and Tohma. I know that he does things to try and make that happen, but I just have never been able to see him that way. There were a few times, a long time ago, that I tried. But it just isn't there. And that was before I even found out what 'it' is." He finished settling the tank around Shu's undernourished waist and divested him of the bottom half of his sleeping clothes.

There was an uncomfortable moment, Shu half-embarrassed and half-hoping for some show of desire after all of this time.

"I'm being good, so don't look at me like that, or we'll miss your appointment." Yuki gave him a half-lidded look that tickled his insides.

He smiled and lifted up for his clothes to slide up and on. It started to seem like everything might be all right after all.

Might be much better than all right, actually. For just a few minutes, he could imagine how it would feel to be well and to be sharing this room alone with no one to interfere and no petty arguments to divide them.

I made his heart beat faster and the back of his head begin to burn and ache. With a goal like this one his terrible state seemed more bearable, more temporary.

Yuki spotted the look. "What number?"

"Five," he said reluctantly, cringing.

"I'm sorry, Shu, I might not be able to let you take anything for it right now. I should call the doctor and see what I can give you, in case they…"

"It's all right."

"Lie back then, I'll turn out the light and come get you when we're ready to go out the door."

His eyes nearly closed, he left them open just a bit, to stay in the moment in spite of the pain and remember this day and this room. It felt like the beginning of all the things he had been hoping for but was never sure he would find. Like the first time the big crowd screamed his name and he knew he had made it, that no matter what happened next, he had made it. While there was no way of knowing if his career would go any bigger or how long it would last, at that moment he had succeeded in capturing his dream.

With that kiss and the words 'in love with you' he was within a hair's breadth of another dream he had been far less sure of reaching.

He just had to be brave enough to trust Yuki and grab it.

o0o0o0o0o0o

Doctor's appointments, elbow surgery, a midnight scare from a bad reaction to a new muscle relaxant…it was a good thing Eiri wasn't a salaryman. Being there for Shu left him little room to roam outside of their apartment except for those medical visits. But that suited Eiri just fine in the short run; he was still a recluse by nature. He was settling into this love thing slowly, getting his head around it, certainly without any pressure from poor Shu. It was the perfect situation for him to get used to this at his own speed. Except…

Shu was slow to open up all the way. It was understandable, completely understandable. He was going through so much; and while the romantic idea that love would make it all better is a fine one in books such as the ones Eiri tapped away at daily, in real life it didn't quite work that way.

His natural defensiveness, in the face of everything he'd been through, was still present in everything he did. Yuki didn't take it personally, and took it as a trade-off. Had Shu come flying at him in his old over-enthusiastic way, a love-samurai screaming undying passion and forever to be never apart, he might not have come to terms with it in a positive way at all. Shu's daily life was not good yet, and he wasn't glad for his lover's difficulties. But they both agreed that this cloud had a most precious silver lining.

In the quiet times while Shu slept, Eiri returned to his writing. More often than not he worked on his own story, continuing to commit the life-changing experiences indelibly. He was still deeply unsettled, and still dealing with emotion that was so foreign to him that he captured it like a rare butterfly, pinning it to the pages for future study and collecting it in as pristine of a condition as he was capable of.

He typed furiously and the page count crested three hundred. By the time he had it all down, fleshed out and just as he felt it should be, it was four hundred and seventeen pages. It was his best work ever.

But he couldn't bear to share it yet, not while Shu was still recovering from operations and having night terrors. It was perfect for what it was, but it had no ending. He'd written one, a rough version, and saved it under a different file. With any luck, that ending would be just a copy and paste into his story, and the final polishing would be the only change it would need. He was going to work his damnedest to bring it into reality. But reality had a way of fooling you just when you thought you knew where it was going. No one knew that better that Eiri.

o0o0o0o

Eiri was sitting back, giving the story a once-over, when Shu moved into the room behind him in his current normal manner. Being back on his feet was something of a struggle for him. Instead of the brash, noisy ball of fire of old, Shu moved like a ghost, timid and tentative, as if the apartment might fall from the sky and smash him into the ocean again if he caused an imbalance.

It was a big improvement. Last week he was still too afraid to stand up or get out of bed on his own, and now he was padding around the place all by himself. The doctors were pleased, he was adapting back steadily but not too quickly, adjusting at each step. As long as he continued to improve, it seemed he would eventually get back to normal…well, normal for Shuichi. Even Yuki wasn't sure that really fell into the usual category of 'normal'.

"Whatcha doing?" Shu asked in that half-whisper he used to approach Yuki with if he was unsure of his mood.

Yuki reached out carefully and tugged Shu into his lap, giving him a reassuring hug. With that little sign of affection, a bright smile lit the tired face and sparkled those gem-like eyes, the yellow and browns of the bruises around them so faded they were almost gone for good.

"The usual," Yuki said, voice muffled into the soft neck. It tickled and Shu gave a pleased squirm. The blond resisted the resulting urge to haul his Shu-chan into bed, knowing he wasn't quite well enough yet for such activity.

"Can I read it?"

It was an odd request. Shu had never really asked to read something he'd had up on the computer before.

"I guess. It's just the ending, and it's not quite the way I want it yet. I'm just working with the concept."

_Life had deposited them right back where they started. Square one, payday, "Go". Nothing had changed in the place or times in which they lived. Yet nothing was going to be the same, even remotely, ever again._

_Change born of hardship and pain, fear and loss, threat and sorrow, was change most pervasive. _

_Once an attitude is changed, everything perceived by that person is changed as well. Values were re-assessed. A new inventory was taken with this in mind, and the world was fresh and alive again. Positive things had been created from the pain._

_Suddenly a world so bitterly empty was discovered to be a land of plenty. The greatest of riches had been there, in reach, yet totally unappreciated and mostly untapped. _

_The expression 'right under your nose' came to mind. His love was, after all, a head shorter in stature._

_His attitude now encompassed a fierce and possessive affection that he never dreamed he would be capable of again. Love for one person. A one and only._

_It was yet to be seen just how much that person would change, too; perhaps in ways that might throw a curve ball into his new plan to love and cherish this person forever. His lover had changed for the moment, but in the constant reinvention that was his recovery, it was impossible to predict just how the man would end up._

_But regardless of the outcome, they were all in now, irresistibly together for the battle. They had switched roles to a degree and that, too, was fine. They knew the relationship from both sides now. _

_Looking forward to a calendar full of promising sunrises and sweet indulgent sunsets, they vowed to see it through together, and never forget the hand of tragedy that nearly severed their ties forever._

_It was the closest thing to happily ever after a man could hope for._

"Yuki," Shu swallowed hard. "This is…"

"I hope so." The blond smiled sincerely. "Am I close?"

The smaller man nodded, a bit overwhelmed, and threw his arms around his lover's neck with a hint of his old enthusiasm. "Yuki…I love you."

"I love you, too, Shuichi." Yuki hugged back, restraining himself from the crushing hug he wanted to deliver, careful of the still-healing body. "And you'd better get used to it." The muffled giggle into his chest made the writer's smile that much wider.

_The End. Cheesy, but still the end. _


End file.
